Sunday, February 22, 2009

Date night

Last night was fabulous. One of the best nights that I've had in a while. Trainer asked me out on a date this week, what a nice surprise that was. It made me feel attractive in his eyes, that he wanted to take me out, wine and dine me. All I was told was that we were leaving our house at 6:30pm and to dress downtown casual...which is nice, but not too nice - jeans and a cute top with boots is a good choice. Well...I didn't have a cute top, I mean I DO have nice tops, but nothing that I wanted to wear. So, while Trainer and I were out getting a GC for a raffle I asked if we could stop at White House Black Market.

I LOVE this store, everything except the prices that is. We headed to the back section, the sale section, and found some really cute tops. Trainer sat there while I tried things on, even gave me his opinion and I ended up with one, super cute top, will look fabulous with jeans OR dress pants/skirt etc. It was still a little pricey, but the clothes will last for a long time. Quality over quantity! Anyway, we chilled at home for a while until it was time to "gussy" (that's for you Soul Mate.) I put on makeup, did my hair, got all dressed up and was ready to walk out the door at 6:31pm. Had to push the envelope a little bit...right?

Trainer drove since I didn't know where we were going. We valeted the Tahoe and started walking around the Warehouse district and ended up at Sullivan's steak house. I've been wanting to go there for a long time. They describe it as a 1940s Chicago-style steakhouse. It is beautiful on the inside, all dark wood, a library feel on one side of the restaurant, an open kitchen, ceilings that are high, but not too high so that it's not too loud. I had a glass of wine, Trainer a beer, and started with the Ahi Tuna appetizer. Yum. They brought a loaf of sourdough to the table, fresh bread with butter...I'm in heaven. I decided on the Sea Bass and Trainer had the fillet, and we shared a side of mashed potatoes. The food was incredible. I finished feeling satisfied on the verge of full so we didn't get dessert. This is something that I'm super proud of because I LOVE dessert, especially after a nice dinner. But I decided not to push satisfied to uncomfortably full. After we finished we went to the bar and listened to some jazz while sipping on a little more wine.

We decided to venture out and ended up a couple of Irish bars on 4th Street, very hip, very cool. One of the highlights was at the last bar we had a chance to really talk about some stuff. The stuff that is always under the surface. It's not that I want to keep drudging up the past, but sometimes it helps me get to the present and yes, I KNOW I can't predict the future. But it made me feel good about where we are. Like I said in my previous blog this week has been incredible, and I guess I needed to know if it was real. And it is, some switch...something changed and we're here, in a better place.

Not to say that our 14 years together have been awful, they haven't, not at all. We go through ups and downs like most couples. We've had fun, a lot of fun, and we've had hard times. But the good always out weighed the bad so here we are...still together. And I'm thankful for that. I still get butterflies when he looks at me or puts his hand on the small of my back. I hope that never goes away. And I really hope that we have more of these date nights!

Friday, February 20, 2009

And moving on...

So, it's Friday night. I made an awesome dinner and we didn't even have the conversation that goes like this:

Me: "What do you want for dinner?"
T: "I don't know...what do you want?"
Me: " No seriously, I don't care, what do you feel like having?"
T: "I don't know, what do YOU feel like having?"

This conversation leaves both parties frustrated and usually heading to the phone to call Pei Wei or grabbing the keys to drive to the pizza buffet. Nope, not tonight. I arrived home at 6pm after a LONG day of work and made the salmon that was defrosted in the fridge. And, it was pretty damn good. Whole wheat pasta for my side with a nice side salad. I stayed within my points today, despite the donut...and kolache...dammit...again, stayed within the points.

After my revelation in my last blog I was determined to get up in the morning and exercise and get back to living. How did that go? Well...I had the right attitude, but my body wasn't in sync. Or maybe it was that I really wanted it in one part of my brain, but the other part was still kind of stuck? Regardless, I didn't make it out of bed before 7am this week.No spin, no running, no Body Pump.

One of my favorite bloggers writes "fatty gets fit", which is a truly realistic funny blog that I love, told me to look up the 7 Stages of Grief, to help me deal with what I was going through. I did just that, and it made sense. I melded some of the stages though. Stages 1, 2 and 3 were really just about the pain of losing someone. I totally was stuck in #4, depression, reflection and loneliness. I believe that 5, 6 and 7 will kind of meld as well. 5 is the upward turn and 7 ends with hope, in between is working through. I've always been an overachiever so why not do three steps at once right? Ha. Anyway, it's just taking longer than I thought it would.

Right now, as I write this, I'm watching tv with Trainer and drinking a glass of red wine. My favorite wine actually...a cheap red blend that the Executive introduced me to. Ménage à Trois, it's fabulous, easy to drink and goes with just about everything. Of course it did put me over by 3 points for the day, but it was worth it.

Something significant happened this week, I have to share. It shouldn't be such a big deal, but maybe because of where my mind has been it is kind of a big thing. I believe it was Tuesday or Wednesday I got an email from Trainer asking me how my day was going and if I'd like to go out on a "date" on Saturday night. What? A date? Really?? (You'd think that being a couple with no kids that we'd go out all the time, but not so much.) Of course I said yes, I mean, what kind of girl doesn't want to go out on a date? The best part is that I have no idea where we are going or what we are doing. The other thing that happened was on Wednesday night we were watching Top Chef in bed and Trainer was being all cuddly (really) and we ended up having some pretty great sex. On a SCHOOL night! Date night. Sex. What's next? Hot damn.

He's also been really sweet this week. We've been talking about our days when I get home, we try to get to bed about the same time...I just feel like he's trying to take care of me. Maybe he reads my blog...hmmm...or maybe he just senses that I need this right now? I don't know. I do love it though. It makes me WANT to come home and make dinner for him. It makes me realize how much he does around the house. (Seriously, I haven't cleaned a bathroom in months b/c they're always clean!) It makes me realize that we really do 'get' one another. Sorry, am I babbling? :)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

The End.

Okay, to see that looks a little's not meant to be.

I've started two different blogs to try and describe all the details of my grandfather's wake/rosary/funeral/burial. One was a very detailed (too detailed) account of everyone and everything and the second was an attempt at a short story to get it out. But here it is:

My grandfather's funeral was hard. Very hard. The hardest part was seeing them close the casket and lock it. The next hardest thing was hugging my dad goodbye when I left. Transference is a dangerous thing.

I've been depressed since that weekend. And now that I write that and I'm tearing up I know it's true. The truth hurts. A slump doesn't even come close. I don't know what it was about the time in Vegas that made it so hard. I wish I saw my family more, even my brothers who drive me absolutely batty with their lives and choices. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to live across the street from my family, I'm not insane...I just wish I could see them more often.

My weight has been creeping back up as my food choices have been crappy. I was sick before Vegas, and then got sick again AFTER Vegas. So the gym hasn't been an option, which is okay since I couldn't really drag myself out of bed anyway...sick/depressed...pick one. Whatever. The point to this silly blog is that it is the END of my depression, my dark hole. I will not allow myself to be lost in something that is out of my control. My grandfather is gone. The End. My dad is still alive. The End. I will see my family again. The End. I WILL take care of myself and move along. THE END.