One of my favorite lines...

...from a song, "Every new beginning starts with every beginning's end'...at least I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. I suppose I could look it up, but really it's close enough for me.

Yesterday I woke up sad, I sat in bed for 2 hours crying on and off while watching One Tree Hill. The waves of grief are unexpected and unprovoked, they just happen. I asked T if it ever happened to him and he said yes, but not as often as it used to. I'm the same way, except it lingers...for days. Like right now, choked up. Part of me thinks that it silly to grieve like this for my pup, but the other part knows that it is okay. I think it started on Friday evening when I said to Sydney, "You're going to have a new best friend soon!" and then it hit me...again. Eh, can't control everything in life right?

Here is a picture of the new baby...

Isn't he cute? I'm sure he's going to be a trouble maker, just look at that gleam in his eye! We haven't named him yet, that will be determined after we meet him and play with him.

Okay...let's see...on the job front I'm out and looking. Putting myself out there and seeing if I can catch anything good. So far I have scored two interviews and one very informal lunch/interview. Not bad. Better to look while you're still employed. And at least I have an up to date resume now!

On the exercise front it has been a struggle. Work is getting in the way, hence the job search. I signed up for the Olympic distance Tri in March so really...I need to get on the stick. (Or the pool, bike and road!)

OH, pizza just got here....I'll have to post more later! Peace out Peeps!

If I only played the lottery

Of course that would be wasting my money. I mean, my odds would go up just by buying it, but really...yeah, I have better things to waste my money on. LIKE - a new puppy. We're getting closer to 'the one' and we should find out this weekend which one we'll receive, when he'll arrive etc.

Okay, so on the exercise front I'm getting better! I made more than 1/2 of my workouts last week and although this week is starting out terrible I have faith that I will make more than 1/2 this week as well. They'll just be crammed in to 3 days. Bring on the doubles! Work is just kicking my ass right now and I feel like I can't catch a break. Paycheck, must remember the paycheck...and the benefits help as well. I should go workout RIGHT NOW, but I'm exhausted from sitting on my ass all day working. Sad, sad, sad. Yesterday I worked about 12.5 hours, left work at 8pm and went to the gym. Did an hour swim workout and arrived home after 10pm. Couldn't get my ass OUT of bed this morning to workout and now I'm tired again. Vicious circle. I'll be swimming, biking and running tomorrow. Maybe. At least swimming and biking. I have a long run Saturday and don't want to tire my legs out too badly...which is going to happen anyway if I do a double tomorrow...so why not go for the triple? Yes, this is how my brain works. Are you spinning yet? Did I mention that I signed up for my first tri of the season? Yep, on March 26th I'll be doing the Champions Olympic race. Again, I should be at the gym right now...

Food is going okay, could be a lot better. I go from not eating enough to eating too much junk. I mean, overall my diet is pretty good...if we compare to most Americans these days. I don't eat fast food very often, I actually portion out my ice cream, I cook at least 5 nights a week and my biggest treat meal is pizza. Not too bad right? Then there are days like today...I started out good with oatmeal and then I had this incredible craving for a doughnut! I never eat doughnuts as they really make me feel sick after I eat them...but one of my co-workers went out and got me a cake doughnut. THEN they brought in BBQ for lunch, Rudy's for those of you that live in TX. Good stuff. And THEN (yes, sadly there is more) I overdosed on coffee today (you didn't think it was possible for me did you?), forgot to drink water all day and when I got home (just a little bit ago) I ordered pizza for dinner...although it is all organic gluten free pizza....haha.

Two weeks until our life is turned upside down. Two weeks until I get to smell puppy feet and puppy breath. Two weeks until I'm up every 2-3 hours for potty breaks and the first sleepless night because the new baby will miss his momma and litter mates. Two weeks...is not a lot of time my friends.

Well, I'm sure hoping that the pizza will be here soon. I'm a hungry, hungry hippo right now. Alrighty, I'll be talking at you all later! Peace!

Inspiration or motivation

What drives you? Is it being inspired by something or motivation to complete something....or are they linked?

Right now I'm trying to get motivated to get back in to my workout routine, but find myself struggling. I have a spectacular supporting cast of family and friends. My husband seems to know what I need before I do, or rather reads my mind. Maybe that is the 15 years of being together? Does it finally pay off?? Haha. No, really he's great and has been so good to me through this little period of grief. I have my friends are always there telling me that they are inspired by me (I'm sure not currently) and the other friends that try to get me to do this race or that race.

Last year I had a specific goal. I was motivated by that goal and inspired by other people that had already completed that goal. It was to do the Texas Tri-Series. Starting in February I knew all of the dates, had my calendar all set up and had the BIG race pegged for October 17th. I worked diligently throughout the summer, in the hot weather, through the humidity, through any obstacle that came my way. It was a tough year, but well worth the end results.

This year...I have no athletic goal in sight. I'm wishy washy about any race that people bring up. And I refuse to do a race because of FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out.) I'm not afflicted with this 'thing' that most athletes are, I'm still (in my head) not an athlete! But seriously, maybe it was my mom asking of me (please...she was TELLING me) 'If everyone else jumped off of the bridge would you do it??' And of course the answer was no and it's still no. People have tried to guilt me into doing races...doesn't work. So here I am. Without a true goal.

One of my oldest friends, we're talking like Elementary through HS friend, told me: "I need to read your blog to get some workout motivation!" And I was thinking...'Oh my, if she reads my blog right now she's not going to get much of anything!'

What to do, what to do... Ideas? Anyone?

Oh, and a nice side note - I'm pretty sure I screwed up my shoulder. It is either my rotator cuff or I tore some of my pectoral muscles that attach to the shoulder. Having it worked on right now, haven't seen a Dr yet. BUT this is putting a damper on my swimming progress. I swam last night, did 1hr, nothing fast but got in 1900 meters.

Wow, just re-read this. Very random post.

To be more random - we're getting a puppy. He'll arrive the week of February 3rd, that is when he'll be 8 weeks old and can travel. SO, T and I won't be doing much in the way of traveling this year. Having a 'new born' at home, can't leave 'em. But, we're very excited to have two dogs in the house again. Syd will get some much needed company and we'll be taking the next steps in trying to heal our hearts.

Okay, enough for now. It's raining outside so I am setting up my stationary trainer for my bike (trying it inside this time!) and will pop in a movie. Hopefully the hours will fly by.

Peace!

2011 - A new year - A new hope - Just new

Yep, new. New goals for the year, new perspective, new appreciation for life's delicate balance.

Goal 1 - Try to blog more consistently! I use this more for myself than anything, kind of like an online diary (sadly)

Goal 2 - Do something athletic this year. A new race perhaps, a new practice...yoga maybe?

Goal 3 - Don't sweat the small stuff. I work on this every day

Goal 4 - Love myself, appreciate what I contribute to life and appreciate my body for what it is

Goal 5 - See more family this year

Goal 6 - Keep on the debt smashing train, we've made it through year 1!!!

That's all I have for now. These are very broad on purpose. We don't make resolutions in our house, but goals...something to work towards.

I stopped training for the 1/2 marathon in February. I thought I was over my little buddy's passing, but I wasn't. I'm not. But I'm healing with time. I still cry, but it hurts a little less. I try to explain it to people, but unless you've had that one special being in your life you may not 'get it.' And that's okay. Trainer gets it, he lives it, so he's there with me. We talk a lot about it, every weekend, every time we're sad. This is good, this is healthy, this is how I'm going to heal.

Work stinks. My boss left the company. He resigned...and for good reason. Hopefully my job will change somewhat this year, but right now I'm just putting my head down and doing what I need to do. I get in at 8, I take a lunch (well, I try anyway) and I leave at 5...kind of...or 6...or whenever my customers don't need me. I guess I'm trying to conform to the 'I am just doing my job' kind of worker instead of the 'whatever we need to make this successful' worker. If you were in my shoes you'd understand. Anyway, stressful.

Working out. Like I said, it's been interesting and I just haven't been doing it. My precious Coachy Coach is working her tail off trying to get me motivated so we decided that the next two months of workouts will be based on just doing it, getting back into a routine, loving it once again. My longest run these days is 8 miles, my most comfortable run is 4-6. Swimming has been non-existent, but I start Masters Classes this week. I go to a yoga workshop tonight, hopefully. And cycling has been a hit or miss. I still love it, I just dislike getting ready for it and riding when it's not perfect out. :)

Any goals for 2011? Anyone? Bueller?

Peace to all of you. May we all have a joyful and prosperous New Year!