Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The LONG weekend....and a LONG blog

Even long weekends don't seem long enough do they? So, let's see...I suppose we'll start with Friday. The day after 'hell' day. We had to go to lunch with our auditors. It was supposed to be a "fun" lunch, but come on...we went with our auditors. How much fun can you have?? After our long lunch no one felt like working. I needed to get the CFO report done, but at 4:30 Plain came back and said that I could go and finish it next week. No need to tell me twice! So I left and drove to Costco to get beer and wine for our evening with another couple. I don't even know what to name them....hmmmm....Brassy would be good for her...and he'll be called New Orleans.

Trainer and this couple worked together at his gym, they're both massage therapists and I guess just recently "hooked up" with no other commitment besides making each other "happy." They are crazy....crazy....crazy. These two can put down booze like it's water. We went to this chain restaurant for dinner (I hate chain restaurants) and then decided to go cheap and made our way back to the house to drink there. Great for Trainer and I, we could get messed up and not have to worry about driving!! Brassy and I took our drinks and went outside to chill on the patio, it was gorgeous outside. Trainer and N.O. decided to chat and drink inside. Us girls were dishing on things that girls dish about...boys, relationships and our partners parents and we glanced inside to where the boys were standing and I swear that the entire counter was filled with empty beer bottles. I looked at Brassy and said, "Holy crap, I hope I got enough beer!" We went in and they were just tanked. Trainer was grouchy and declared that he was going to bed. It was almost 3am after all...I had no idea. Huh. They put down 30 long necks and each had three pints at the restaurant. Bet Trainer was feeling good for his shift the next morning. :)

Saturday was a nice, wasted day for me. I got up and made breakfast for us and sent Trainer off to work. We were having our new kitchen table delivered, thank you economic stimulus check! We have had the same table since we moved to Oregon back in 1996. I bought it at the store that I worked at, a furniture rental place. After the furniture has gone out enough times or is damaged they sell it in the back room. I bought that table and four chairs for less than a hundred dollars. It was a good table, but it was time to move on and up. We bought the table last week so I was really excited to see it all set up. The delivery time was from 12-3pm so I had time to kill. I watched my dvr'd Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty and decided to mop the kitchen while there was no table there.

Trainer got home earlier than expected and we watched some more tv while waiting. The delivery people showed up at 12:30, not bad! We watched dvr'd episodes of House while they put it all together. I have to say that it looks pretty good! We ordered pizza in and watched the House finale, after we ate at our BRAND NEW COOL TABLE! Yeehaw! After that we decided to go get coffee and look at wall art to replace my framed college poster that was a gift from my first college boyfriend. Yes, time to let go....hahahahaha. We found a fabulous painting that goes with the table, the floor and when we paint that room is going to POP! A low key night was in the making, we went home after finding out that Indiana Jones wasn't playing in the next hour and rented I am Legend. I heard it was scary so I wasn't looking forward to it. It was okay though, I didn't freak too much. We went to bed early since we were both wiped out from staying up way too late the night before. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz......ahhhh, nice.

Sunday I got up at 7:30am, ate a piece of toast and then ran 4 miles with The Democrat. After I got home at about 9:30am I made pancakes and then read the Sunday Ads. I don't really read the paper, well, sometimes I do...but not often. But I LOVE the ads. I love to see all the sales and pretend that I have money to buy things...which I don't...but it's nice to pretend. I look at the styles that they put the models in, seeing if I can wear my clothes like that, but usually it's a no-go. They're tall and thin and well...I'm not.

Around 10:15 Trainer asks me if I'm planning on riding. Ugh, I was hoping he would forget. Don't get me wrong, as I've said before I love cycling, but some days I just want to be lazy...but wait...that was Saturday. Damn it. I say yes, and we start the process of getting ready to bike. You have to pump up the tires, get dressed (which takes times - sun screen, getting your hair ready for the helmet...etc.), get the water and snacks ready, get your ID and medical card out of the wallet into the back of your shirt, get everything together...and then you can go. It takes about 20 minutes. So we get on the bikes and start out on our usual loop. Down the dangerous 60 mph road with a wide shoulder. It's blazing hot out, 98 degrees and hotter if you're riding on the pavement next to nice hot vehicles.

The ride outbound was great, I was thinking that I was getting stronger, I didn't feel too much wind and I was averaging almost 19mph, on my own...which is pretty good! Then I started to overheat. I was sucking down my water really fast and hoping that my turn around was coming up. Well, I wasn't paying attention and missed my turn around and ended up going an extra 5 miles total. When I turned around I discovered why I had been feeling so strong...I had a fricken tail wind the whole way out. I turned INTO the wind, and not a breeze, the WIND...the flags were flying straight out towards me...and to top it off, no relief from the sun. I was climbing a big hill thinking I was going pretty fast and looked down to see my readout of 9mph on my odometer. Since I missed my turn around I was rewarded with two extra steep hills...beautiful. I kept my mind off the heat and pain by looking at all the nature around me. It really is a beautiful city. I finally made it back to the house, about a half hour after Trainer. 30 miles folks. Next time you're in your car set your trip and see how far 30 miles is. It's a LONG way on a bike.

Next...we were invited over to Sprinter's dad's house for a pool party Memorial Day celebration. That was cool b/c her dad lives close to us and is really nice. His house is kick ass, no joke, it sits on this hill over looking the city and hills of Austin. Beautiful...incredible. Trainer jumps in the pool to play water volleyball and I decide to sun with Sprinter. From her name you can guess that she's a runner, a fast one...and thin, thin, thin. Her brother's stripper girlfriend was there too. Can you imagine laying next to a size 0-2 person AND a stripper? I'm not kidding here, can you IMAGINE? I was feeling less than fit, even though I had just run 4 miles and rode 30...it's amazing what the mind can do. There I was...lying next to the stripper and the tiny person...it's like the start of a bad joke. Three women go into a bar...you get the idea. Anyway, we all had fun, ate and then left after a couple of hours. Trainer and I decided to finally catch Indiana Jones and headed to the theatre...the nice, cool theatre...where I was still feeling uber fat so we ordered a Cherry Coke and a medium popcorn, which in the "old" days would have been an extra large. Lucky for me that was dinner.

Monday Trainer had to go into work for a couple of clients so I watched the rest of my dvr'd shows, I think I watched six episodes of Men in Trees. I don't know why I like that show, but I love it. Trainer hates it. That's why there were so many still in my dvr. Haha. I watched those, did some laundry...which was really just moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer since Trainer had already loaded it and folded what was in the dryer already. Then I decided to look at the budget. Pfft, there's a way to make your day! Ugh, just a reminder that we're broke and about to be really, really broke once Trainer goes to his new facility. It's all worth it though...repeat...it's all worth it...one more time...it's all worth it. Heck eating beans and rice for a year might take care of the weight problem too. It's a two-fer. Really though, it scares the crap out of me, but I can't let Trainer know because then HE starts to freak out and I have to take care of that issue too. Doesn't it just suck when you can't really feel what you're feeling? You can't be sad because you don't want another person to wallow with you, you can't be angry because the other person is so down on themselves it would just make it worse, you can't be scared because the other person would just give up. Ugh, it's tiring. Wow, sorry, tangent. Wait, I'm not apologizing...it's my blog, you can close the window if you can't handle my ranting. :) (Said in the nicest way possible, as to not offend any readers)

We went and had lunch, a cheap lunch...and then got drinks for the big Happy Hour for Trainer's new facility (there will be another post on this facility...too much) that is coming up on Wednesday...crap, that's tomorrow. Finally we went home and hung out with the pups for the rest of the evening. We rented two more movies through the cable company (have you done that? It's way cool) and watched those. Michael Clayton (highly recommend) and Juno (this too). I ended up watching Juno alone, even though Trainer would have liked it...grrr...just because it's about a knocked up girl doesn't make it a chick flick!!! Again, I regress...that's another blog. The evening ended with me drinking the rest of the wine from Friday night, watching more senseless tv and going to bed relatively early. Not a bad LONG weekend.

Friday, May 23, 2008

25 things...

Apparently there is a kind of "ritual" on this blog thing...when you hit your 100th post you're supposed to write 100 things about yourself that people may not know. Well, I'm impatient and really, who wants to read all 100 at once? That would be a long-ass post. So, I'm on post #25 and I'm going to tell you #25 things about me, that you may or may not know. :)

1. My dad has always called me Pumpkin and still does to this day (and now I use it as a term of endearment with my friend's kids).

2. I was burned on the arm with a cigarette when I was in kindergarten, I remember the day and what I was wearing, a cookie monster cardigan over a dress (I LOVE cookies!).

3. I started playing the piano when I was 7 years old and wanted to be a concert pianist .

4. The first time I rode a bike without training wheels I ran into a parked truck...it's a wonder that I still ride a bicycle.

5. I love to read all kinds of books, I could stay home and read all day and I read a book in about 5 hours.

6. I grew up in Colorado, but didn't learn to ski until I was 14.

7. I've had three near death experiences: one when I was 8 or 9, one at 19 and one at 29.

8. I have to sleep with covers, even if it's over 100 degrees outside.

9. My first paying job was working at Dairy Queen.

10. I used to get in trouble for bringing home a report card that was less than a 4.0, I only had two report cards with a 4.0, both happened the semesters that I didn't have to work. My friends thought I was weird for not wanting to bring home my 3.75gpa report card.

11. I love peanut butter.

12. I wanted to be married right after college and start a family at 23 years old so I wouldn't be an old parent. I wanted a boy and a girl...the girl would have been Sierra and the boy was going to be Jacob. Two years apart. Yep, had it ALL planned out.

13. I hate scary movies, probably because my Older Bro used to chase me around the house with guns and knives, wearing a ski mask over his head(I'm not kidding) while my parents left me in his care. HATE scary movies.

14. I rode on the back of a "crotch rocket" going 125mph. Scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

15. I'm a Virgo, I take all things spiritual seriously, but I don't believe in organized religion. I believe if you are looking for something, the answer will present itself, you just have to have your eyes and heart open.

16. I've been to 7 KISS concerts, if that's not love...I don't know what is. My least favorite song is Beth which is funny because it was supposed to be Beck, Peter Criss was dating a Becky and the song is about her.

17. I don't have many favorites, I'm always changing or evolving. ;) Color - nope, movie - nope, song/music/artist - nope, nope, nope.

18. I love getting real letters and cards. I love sending them too.

19. I love being near the water, my favorite beach is Cannon Beach in Oregon. It's more like a coastline, whatever, I used to go there with a book or a journal and read or write while I listened to the ocean crashing into the rocks. It was always misty and what some people would call dreary, but it was beautiful to me.

20. I love to fly.

21. I had my first kiss in the 4th grade, behind my fence. I had my first REAL kiss when I was 15 in the back of a van on the way home from a hockey game. His mom was driving. Hehehe...

22. If I could have ONE thing done for me every morning it would be my hair. I hate doing my hair. Dysfunctional wavy...crap...

23. I never wanted to play the clarinet. When I was in 5th grade and you were supposed to pick out your instrument my mom's friend (also my 6th grade teacher) said that she would give me free lessons if I played the clarinet. I got one lesson. Fortunately I was good at it and it paid for my college education.

24. When I hear music and close my eyes I see colors, mostly with classical music...and Pink Floyd. ;)

25. When I go to the grocery store I go down almost every isle, even if I have a list.

Whew! That was TOUGH! I'll have to prepare for the next 25...although that will be a couple of months. :) Post #25 is DONE, and #26 will be here shortly. I have to dish about my weekend.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A long weekend awaits...

So, this upcoming weekend is a long weekend for most of us...Memorial Day weekend. Our executive admin just sent out a notice...just in case we forgot. Right. Me, forgetting that I don't have to work on a Monday. Are you fricken kidding me? We have nothing planned so far. I'm sure I'll do some crazy ass exercising in the wicked heat (for Texas of course, nothing compared to the temps in AZ) and probably, once again, drink too much. I swear these blogs make me sound like an alcoholic. I'm not...really...but what is there to do on a Friday night?

On Wednesday of this week I was given a card from my boss and co-workers thanking me for a job well done. They know that I've had a lot on my plate and know that Plain (the CFO) is a nut case, even HE knows it. I open the card and it has an appointment card in it from the Aveda Spa down the street. It said that I had an appointment for a Spa Bliss package starting at 10:15am on Thursday! ROCK ON! I'm way excited, I LUV the spa. I make it through Wednesday without a hitch and bring on Thursday. I woke up, ran 2 miles with The Democrat, then went to the gym to get my workout in with Trainer, got my new favorite Starbuck's coffee (Pikes Place - to DIE for), and then went home to get ready for my day. I had to stop into work to get a presentation to Plain for the Operations meeting. Fine, fine, that didn't take long.

Well, I check my email (of course!) and I see that our lawyers (our lawyers are in NY and one of them is H-O-T in the older, sophisticated, keep me in an apartment as your mistress kind of way) had given us their comments on this big ass report that I am writing. I was like, fine...I'll just come back after my spa treatments and bang it out. No big deal...I should have OPENED the attachment, but probably good thing that I didn't. I get to the spa and find out that I have been given the ultimate package. I get an hour facial, hour massage, a spa manicure with a parafin wax treatment AND a spa pedicure with a salt scrub. HEAVEN! I enjoyed my time at the spa and even had a glass of wine while getting my pedicure...okay, so I actually had TWO glasses of wine...sheesh. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a light weight when it comes to booze, and only because of my meds. So, my bright idea was to go next door to Whole Foods and get something to eat.

I had sushi and a non-fat latte and then headed back to work. I get there to a zillion emails from my boss...who knows that I've been out all day at the spa...since he GAVE me the package. Uh-huh. Emails like, 'where are you with the 10-k?' and 'are you done yet?'...ummm, yeah, I took my LAPTOP to the SPA and worked during my BLISS package you idiot! It didn't take long to get my blood flowing. Good thing I had wine in my system or I probably would have been raging. Anywhoodle...I ignore his emails and open the document with the updates from the lawyers...holy hell...there are 96 pages (PAGES) of changes. Like a trooper I dig in, make smart ass remarks to my boss and start getting it done. That's what I do...I get it done. Anyway, so at about 4:30pm my boss says, "Hey, so where are you at?" I say, on page 36....and he says, "Okay, well here are some more changes to their changes." Like seriously - changes to their changes. I don't care if the lawyer is hot...he's making my life very difficult. Fine. I take the changes. There are about 25 pages of additional changes, but first I have to get through the first ones.

Well, at about 7pm I'm starving. I call Trainer and see if he wants to meet for a sandwich...which he really needed because within 30 seconds of talking to him I realized that he is red-lining. That is my way of saying that he is starving and being a jerk because he can't think straight because of the hunger. We meet, have a quick 10 minute dinner and I come back to the office. I'm working my way through the pages of word changes, phrasing changes and inserting new disclosures and I look up and it's 9pm. Ugh, still working. I get through the first set of changes and then onto the second set of changes, which were corrections to their first set of changes. Now, after 2 glasses of wine and only some sushi and a sandwich, some Starbuck's espresso candies and NO water I was feeling a little "off." Giddiness took over and I started to think that some of their changes to the changes are just ridiculous. My co-worker Superman (I think that's what I called him) had the oldies station on and I was just singing along, laughing because they want me to change the FORMAT of the document, even though it goes through a process that makes everything uniform. I'm sure he thought I was nuts. But then again, he was there working...at 9:45pm...'nuff said.

So, moral of my weird story??? If you're gonna play, you're gonna to pay. I ended up working a 10 hour day on the day that was supposed to be a BLISS spa day. *sigh* Today I'm working on the CFO report...yeah, don't even get me started...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

So sorry...

My boss is a nut job and I've been swamped here at work. So I do apologize for my absence. Some times it helps me write, some times writing just delays my work. I will be back my friends. Expect a neat little story in the next couple of days. If you'd like, comment with ideas to get the creative juices flowing...I've been writing financial reports for the SEC...ugh...no creativity in doing that! Love you all!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The journey

Doesn't it seem like we hear that a lot? Life is a journey...weight loss is a journey...journey, journey, journey! Why can't we just be there already? I wasn't one of those kids who kept asking "Are we there yet?" and only because my dad would have gone ballistic. Bless his heart, but truly a control freak driver...and yes, that is where I get it from. I'm well aware that I have those tendencies. :) Seriously though, when do you get to that place where you're like..."Ahhhh, here we are, I'm done with the journey." And I hope it's not when I'm on my death bed ready to give myself over to the unknown.

I've been on a lot of "journeys" lately. Weight loss of course. That effin journey is taking way too long. I should be happy where I'm at, but I'm not. I eat right, most of the time, I cook at home 5-6 nights a week. Maybe if I stopped drinking so much on the weekend...that might help. I was going to try that theory out this past weekend, but that didn't happen. The good thing is that instead of drinking 2 days out of the weekend I only did it once....although in that one time I really did it up. Huh. Anyway, I still subscribe to WW online and chat with people on there. Sometimes I get something out of it, other times I want to shout "Jeeezus people, eat less, exercise more...get it through your head!" And of course I don't because we all know that there is psychology to weight loss. Emotional eating, eating because you're bored, eating because you really like food. Ugh.

My work journey is going okay. When I first moved to Austin I was hired as an Accounts Payable person. They PAID me to file, isn't that awesome? I happened to start working there right when their audit was about to start, which is kind of funny because at my last job we were ALWAYS in some kind of audit. They asked if I could do schedules and reconciliations and I did them. Plain was amazed...and then I realized that he really didn't read my resume. Eh, whatever.

I got promoted by August and started my new job. Reporting and Budgeting...fun, fun...I know you're thinking it! I helped the company move it's country of domestication from Canada to the US. It was a 6 month grueling process. I got a wonderful bonus out of it though...a trip to St. John for me and Trainer. Can't beat that with a stick! Well, since then (last June) it's just been floating...my job. I do things, I report on the quarters...yawn...I know...that is what I was feeling too. So, then I have this opportunity to implement some new software packages, and I jumped at it. These are LONG drawn out processes and I still have my reporting duties...a little overwhelmed? Yeah, but it's okay, it's nothing I haven't done before. I do have one tiny little fear, and it's an irrational one, but that I could get a blood clot again. The last time I implemented a software package I had my second one. I KNOW that it's not going to happen this time, but any time my leg swells up I freak out a little.

Which is the next flippin journey...the exercise journey. Kind of tied to the weight loss journey but not really. I don't exercise to lose weight, it's supposed to help, however every time I do some really intense training regimen my body holds on to every pound. So, I do it for my health. I do it so that I won't get a clot again, I do it to make myself a better person, more well rounded to talk to different people, to multi-task when I have a friend with me (you have NO idea how much it helps your endurance when you're running up a 12% grade hill with a friend and talking the entire time), mostly I use it to do something that scares me. I was never an athletic child, I had allergies, and so all of this was new to me. When Trainer and I first got together we didn't exercise, unless you count the 12oz. curls!! When I moved to Austin I wanted to find something that was MY exercise, something that I was really good at. I tried rowing, I loved it, but it is a little far to drive every day. I tried boxing, REALLY loved that. I even have my own bag at home. But, it was expensive and I quit working out at home. Now I'm trying swimming...ugh. Cycling is the one exercise that is almost effortless...almost...and I enjoy it, but it's not completely mine. Running is great when you have the right partner, but it's SO not effortless. One day I'll find something, but until then my journey is to keep looking.

My marriage has been a journey. HAHAHA! That is the understatement of the decade. Sometimes I enjoy the journey, sometimes I reflect on the journey and sometimes I just want to stop and scream "ENOUGH!" But I don't. We keep on the journey. I know he feels the same way at times, he doesn't voice that fact, but it comes through in his actions. Staying out all night without calling, his previous DUI's...it's been a long ass journey. When we moved to Austin and after about 5 months we almost called it quits. Some of you know this, others of you don't. We struggled, mostly it was Trainer that struggled. He doesn't do well with change, and change is something I do very well. That was the closest we ever came to divorce, the word was actually uttered in our conversation. He decided that he needed to give our situation more time, and I'm glad he did. Now we have a new change on the horizon...Trainer going into business with a couple of other trainers. This is a really, really big step for him. Things are starting to roll, and he's starting to react to change like he usually does...with some outlandish behavior that any normal wife would deem unacceptable. However, I'm not that normal wife. I was born with the ability to separate myself from the situation personally and take care of, or guide people through what they're going through.

The Saint says that I've missed my calling as a therapist. Haha, maybe she's right. Maybe my next work journey will be me going back to school for a degree and masters in Psychology? Who knows? All of these journeys are necessary, I understand that, but I don't have to like it all of the time. I know I'm not alone in my journey, there are others around me...my cheerleaders...but the decisions are mine, the path is mine. Time for another leap of faith...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

A funny story...kind of

Okay...so in high school I hated cheerleaders. HATED them. They made you feel bad about yourself because you weren't a part of their group, you weren't thin enough...athletic enough...you didn't wear the right clothes...etc. Now really, did THEY make you feel bad about yourself? No, probably not, but that whole "status" circle clique crap starts and the feelings of being a lesser person. For most kids it the first time they have these feelings of low self-esteem. I was a size 6 in high school (my junior year) after I hit puberty...late, I know. And I had D sized breasts. You think that I would have celebrated, but really I was really embarrassed and hid my body.

Well, I couldn't attract guys with my body, since I hid it, and I wasn't a flirty girl anyway...something about being Catholic...I don't know. As I've said before I had a lot of friends. I think I made myself feel better by being "there" for people. I hated attracting attention, but I was the first one to lift someone else up. I was there for my mom, dad, brothers...always in the middle of everything. I was there for kids and adults alike. Some how this characteristic carried forward...and here we are in the present.


I am the go to person. I am the one that will keep your secret, that will listen at any time of the day, any day of the week. My boss confides in me, my friends confide in me and I'm pretty sure my puppies would confide in me if they could talk. Fifi would tell me how much it hurts her feelings when she just wants to eat and Fido won't stop biting her leg.

This one time I went to a strip club, it was my FIRST time, and do you know what happened? Trainer and his friend Bad Influence bought me a lap dance. This chick's ta-tas were huge and of course fake. She asked, "Is this awkward for you?" and I said, "Just a little, but nice boobs." She smiled and continued to talk while I got my 3 minutes of "pleasure." So, then after a while the boys were up at the stage and I was doling out the one dollar bills to them so they wouldn't over spend. I was sitting at our table and the stripper who gave me my lap dance sat down. She started talking to me about her kids, then another one sat down and they were comparing kid notes and I just sat there listening about how tv was SO bad these days. (Riiight, said the stripper mothers to each other.) I would chime in on occasion and pretty soon I had four of the strippers sitting with me...all topless...telling me about their life's ambitions. Just another day in the life of ME.

I have had friends go through almost everything you can imagine. I've had friends go through the divorce of their parents, I've had friends who wanted to end their life, I've had friends in abusive relationships and even one with a serious eating disorder. I've also had friends go through tough but happy times, such as pregnancy. And through all of this I was there. Don't take this wrong, I'm not trying to pat myself on the back. My point is that it's so funny that I despised exactly what I became.

In these upcoming months I need to do a little soul searching. It's hard for me to reach out to people with the really hard stuff. I'M the one who is supposed to be there for people, not the other way around. I'm sure a lot of us feel that way. I hide behind other people's problems, concentrating on their issues instead of dealing with my own. Time to be my own cheerleader.