Sunday, October 16, 2011

One dream becomes reality

I started riding my bike in 2004 when my friend Legs suggested that Trainer and I do the MS150 the following Spring of 2005, a bicycle ride from Houston to Austin. She had done it the year before and so we said, great! Sounds Good! Lucky for me a co-worker rode and so did his 2 sons. They had an extra bike that he was willing to sell me for $200. We didn't want to invest too much money into the bike because we didn't even know if I'd like riding. Another $100 went into the bike - seat, handlebars and some other little things. And the next week I went on my first 10 mile ride. Which I thought was SOOOO far!

In 2005, before the ride, Trainer got a brand new bike with Dura Ace (top of the line) components for a GREAT price, it was one of those...'we have to do this, too good to pass up' kind of deals. We trained and trained (he used to bribe me with scones in the middle of our ride) and finally made it to Houston, with our bikes in boxes, and did the ride from Houston to Austin. I loved it. That is also when we fell in love with Austin and decided to move here!

Once we moved here I didn't do much riding, running...anything...for about a year. I gained 10 lbs and was working all of the time. In 2007 I started running again. In 2008 was my first attempt at swimming, that didn't stick. Then I met Mid-West Girl. During our friendship she started training for the Austin Triathlon in 2009. So I told her I would ride with her. It got me back on my bike and remembering how much I LOVED riding. Just for the joy of being outdoors, alone with your thoughts, looking at all the beauty that surrounds us...for me it's like a sanctuary. A really big one. Anyway, after riding with her for months and months, running with my running partner I decided to take real swim lessons with T3 Training group and then I started Triathlons. But my love was and is the bike.

We put off getting me a new bike because something else was always more important. New windows, vet bills, paying off debt...and once we started doing that I wasn't going to spend thousands on a bike. My little, heavy, Cannondale got me through several Century rides, countless weekend rides, 6 triathlons included a Half Ironman, and brought me peace when I needed it the most. I will always love that heavy monster.

It's been a year now that I've been with my new training group FOMO, well...my Coachy Coach  is a sponsored athlete and she can share some of those discounts with her athletes...such as myself. Those discounts included (drum roll) bicycles. OMG. I scored a complete deal on this bad boy below...or will it end up being a bad girl. Hmmm...ponder that. Anyway, no, our debt is not paid off. Yes, this will add about 2 months to the end of our schedule. BUT, this is a one time shot to get something really nice for myself for a really great price. Not everyone understands it. One of my girlfriends said I was crazy and that she'd spend that money going to Europe. (PS - that kind of money won't get you very far in the EU.)

So - here it is...my new ride...that should arrive on Wednesday or Thursday (most likely Thursday b/c that is how my life goes):


What do you think...male or female....hmmm...

Well, time for my long run, I've put it off long enough. Peace out my pretties!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Six weeks until Vacation!!!! (Rambling post)

GAWD I cannot wait to go on vacation. This hot weather is sucking the life and soul out of me. And now with the wind my allergies are mimicking a sore throat and shitty attitude. :)

Okay, so first I have to respond to Shan's comment on my last post. Love my Shan, Sexy Hippy Mama, with all my heart. If I told all of you readers how much sleep I get you might hunt me down and slaughter me in the middle of the night. I get 8-10 hours every night (albeit broken sleep - thank you Brody, but still.) I do sleep, and sleep, and sleep and if I didn't have to get up I'd probably sleep some more. And just to point out to all of my parental readers: Believe me when I tell you that my athletic endeavors are SO much easier and less energy sucking than your adorable children. I can go out on a 7 hour bike ride, run for 30 min and still be able to make it through the rest of the day (with a short nap of course) and be fine the next day. When I watched my precious little 'H' man while Yoga Babe was giving birth (yes, remember I was there during a home birth) for 8 hours I was exhausted. Mentally, physically exhausted for the next 2 days! My point is that child rearing (haha) is effing hard work, a lot harder than this tri shit.

Speaking of tri-shit. I am on my maintenance plan and enjoying it. I have one week left and then I start training for my 1/2 marathon in January. I'm excited. Running with a purpose is good at times, especially when I'm trying to refocus on me, my body, my motivation...etc. You get the idea. Blah-diity-blah-blah-blah.

Fun stuff in life: Went to tea with Yoga Babe and a new friend on Saturday. (side note - I was completely lazy on Saturday, read a book and a half, did no exercise...blissful day.) The Steeping Room is one of our favorite places and after tea we walked around the outdoor shopping area and well, we shopped. I got new UNDIES! YEAH!!! Yes, I am super stoked about my new undies, and they are not Fredrick's undies, they are good 'ol day to day underwear. They have come along way in 7 years. I think that is the last time I purchased undies for day to day. I have plenty of uncomfortable, only on for an hour max, sexy, sassy, play things underwear. I bought 14 new undies. Bikini and thongs. They are SOOOO comfortable. I threw out all of the old undies. Very satisfying. UNDIES!!!! Sorry, still excited and it was 3 days ago. :)

OH, and I remembered why I quit WW this last time. It doesn't quite work right for people that exercise a lot. I guess it could...I don't know, maybe I'm doing it wrong?? Regardless I'm paid up through December so I will lose that $$, but I did join a nutrition challenge through my nutritionist. Probably a better way to go since it is custom to me, my workout habits and life habit...ie; pizza Fridays and pastry Sundays.

K, I'm just babbling again. I will post again tomorrow (mostly b/c work is sucking the life out of me and this makes it bearable.)  I will pick one of those topics from my last post. Have a great day! It's Tuesday, 4 days to go. Rockin.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I need a tape recorder...

...for my bike. So that when I'm riding and have all of these fabulous ideas for blogging I remember them when I actually sit down to WRITE the blog. *sigh*

This is the phrase that has been plaguing my thoughts this week:

"Wanting something means nothing if you're not going to DO anything to get what you want."

When I was trying to organize my 'crap' room I came across my old (seriously old, like when I was 17-18years old...old) journals. Here is the opening sentence to one entry: "I want to be thin...and I'm writing this as I eat a snickers bar." Well duh honey! That's not going to work! And today I find myself doing the exact same thing. Well, not really a snickers bar, but too many calories, not enough burn...etc. Whatever.

My score for the week on getting up early =  0/5, that's right. NO early mornings! DAMN IT! But, I will try again next week. I have to keep trying. One of these days I might actually get a foot on the floor, followed by the other foot, dressed and out the door. It could happen. Really. Swear.

Other things that were going through my head on my ride, which will become blog post (so stay tuned!):

  • I need new friends, ones that aren't talented...so I can feel like I am talented. 
  • This fat leg thingy issue is a curse, but a blessing.
  • Why do I stay at my job.
  • Women CAN be crazy and over sensitive, and then there's the other side of the coin. 
  • Why did I start this blog.
  • If self-loathing were a competition I could podium.
And so on and so on. At least I have ammunition for 6 new posts, and I think they'll turn out well.

But really, back to the 'wants'. Action is needed to make these 'wants' into reality. If I want a new bike I need to save for it. If I want to become a better athlete I have to practice/train. If I want to lose weight, like really lose the weight, I'm going to have to take action (fortunately I'm on the right path for this one!) And if I really want to do an Ironman I am going to have to DO a lot of 'somethings' to make it a reality. Actions speak louder than words, even if the words are only in your head. 

My solo ride was good today. I rode 26 miles at 16.4mph, so getting my speed back...slowly. I'm still about 2mph shy of what I was riding in 2009, so I'll keep at it. Can't get a new bike and suck. I completed my brick (run right after bike) and it was a struggle, but I didn't short myself. Yesterday I did my run, I didn't short myself. Tomorrow I will run AND swim...and that's right...I won't short myself. 


Tomorrow and the next day and the day after that I will strive to become a better version of myself. What will you do today or tomorrow or the next day to take a step towards those 'wants'?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Control

Getting back into the swing of things takes a certain amount of control.

During my lunch with Coachy Coach she asked me some great questions, many were just to get me thinking, but most were to get me moving in the right direction. One was, "well, how ARE you going to get control of your eating and working out?" Legit questions coming from the person who writes my workouts and is seeing no progress...to no fault of her own, which I tell her every week. :)

Anyway, the good news is that even before our meeting I had just joined (or re-joined) Weight Watchers. They have yet another system, I think this will be my 4th time doing the plan?? The first time didn't work, but I don't think I really wanted to lose the weight. Or rather, I didn't want to work at it. And losing weight takes work...a lot of work and perceived sacrifice. (Because really...saying no to a donut isn't a 'real' sacrifice...) I started on Tuesday morning and by my weigh in on Friday I was already down 3lbs. Yes, water weight, however if I keep drinking the water - the weight will stay off - so I consider it a real loss. I will weigh in once a week like I'm supposed to and log-in online and TRACK my shit. Yes, you have to track what is going in your mouth and you are forced to make decisions. I feel more in control and know that this is all in my hands. Good.

And guess what? From there, the weight loss comes the benefits of exercise. I get more 'points' if I exercise...meaning I can eat a little more when I exercise, not the entire farm. ie; after a 2 hour workout I can go have a slice or two of pizza and not worry about it...however, I cannot have the 2 slices of pizza, a cinnamon roll, ice cream and mac and cheese for dinner. Which sadly, yes I admit it, has happened before. I haven't gained a ton of weight, but I popped back into the 160s which ticks me off. So now I am less than 2 pounds away from the 150s (yes, that would be 159)  and I'm motivated to get there. (Oh, and more than that...it is so much easier to run and bike when you weigh less, every 5lbs makes a HUGE difference.)

Motivated to get there....and to do my workouts. Every week my dear Coachy Coach write these workouts and on Sunday I get ALL excited for what the week holds. Then ultimately I work a few 10-12 hour days, come home, feed the pups, start dinner and it is 8pm and dark outside. And then my lovely 9month old pup wakes us up every couple of hours to go outside...and not because he needs to relieve himself, but because it's cool outside and he wants to bark...so I get no sleep and am exhausted and therefore do not get my ass out of bed to get to the gym. Then a pattern of missed workouts start to pile up, I start to feel like shit from missing the workouts....and then we repeat the pattern. (Pete and Repeat go into a bar, Pete comes out, who is left? Repeat...Okay, Pete and Repeat go into a bar...)

Well, Trainer has no choice and has to get up for clients. I've made another decision that I'm going to get up at 5 am every morning next week and GO TO THE GYM (that opens at 5:30 and is 5 min from the house) and do my workouts. At least the ones I can do at the gym, like mid-week cycling and swimming, the running I will only do on the dreadmill if there is no other alternative.

I have the puppies in Playcare 2x a week so on those days (Monday and Thursday) I am going to workout in the AM and/or at lunch. There, I said it. Now I have to accountable. Which is something I obviously need. I will report back next weekend to tell everyone (my millions of readers....hahaha) what I did and did not do. I'm not superhuman, I know that, but I can do SO much better than what I've been doing. I AM better than this. I am. I know it.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

And...we're back! Again

Okay, so I don't have the best track record for blogging. *Le Sigh*

I think I'll start the new chapter with - A year to remember...my 37th year.

As we know, if you follow me, my b-day was just a week or so ago. The big 38, so I've decided to do a year in review. What did I learn this year? Well, I learned that grief and depression suck. I learned that when something bad happens it really can get worse. I also learned that when you feel like you are alone, which you are because you've been isolating yourself, there really are people there waiting for you to rejoin life....right where you left off.

Actually year 37 started off awesome with a 65 mile bike ride on my actual b-day. I completed a half Iron Man in under 7 hours. I steadily worked at my debt (which is still there, but dwindling.) And then...well G-buddy passed away. We won't rehash, I've written a lot about it already.

I read a lot of books, I took about 5-6 months off of training...well, really life. :) And then I tried to start back again...and again....and again....and I keep on trying. But I found that this is the key. You have to keep trying. I love my life, my husband, my pups...I mean, I have it really great. So it's worth getting up every day and trying to make myself better.

Today I had lunch with my Coachy Coach (she's so effing adorable) and she was trying to get 'What motivates me' and it is making me think. Self analysis, I know I've been down this road before, but delve into it we must.

I am only competitive with things that I am good at....say like music (although I don't know if that is true any more either! HA!) Obviously I'm not competitive with triathlon. At least not with anyone but myself.

I don't know if it's because I am a Virgo or that I was born to my mother, but I am extremely hard on myself and want to please people. If I don't make a goal I feel like I've disappointed someone...how ridiculous is this??? Ri-dic-u-lous. So each week I get workouts and I can complete them however I want, but lately I've only been doing about 50% or less...and I feel bad about that. This shouldn't be stressful...I do this for FUN...HELL I PAY FOR THIS SHIT! Okay, so how to re-frame my mind, how to get this to be enjoyable again? Suggestions? Ha, actually suggestions wont work, it has to come from within, I know that. Ugh.

So here it is...next year I am pre-training for the 2013 IMAZ. Along the way I am going to set some goals and see how it goes. Here are a splattering of goals for 2012:

-Run Ladera Norte, no walking (really effing steep hill in the NW Hills area)
-Run the 3M 1/2 marathon in January
-Do a Spring race, never done one before
-Do at least 2 charity rides (or non charity, but just fun rides) of 70+ miles in the Spring
-Participate in the Splash and Dash series, they are cheap, fun and I'll get pummeled in the water.

That's it for now, will fill in more along the way. Sorry for the long ass post, but hell...I've been gone for a bit!

'Til later my sweets!! Rockin


Friday, May 20, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 21

One of my favorite shows

Hmmm...well, this doesn't specify what kind of show. I'm assuming they mean television right? Because my favorite show...as in musical...is Wicked. Hands down. Awesome. I was able to see it in Chicago while I was on a business trip.

Okay, one of my favorite television shows. Growing up it would have been a toss up between Family Ties and The Cosby Show. Thursday night prime time, we were only allowed 1hr of tv on that day, other wise it was 30 min a day.

Today one of my favorite shows is House. I love the dynamics between the characters, I love the basis of the show, the medical mysteries...everything about it. We DVR it and watch it on the weekends. I say I don't like reality tv, however two of my other favorite shows are just that. Top Chef and Dancing with the Stars. Yes. I'm not ashamed...and I hope Hines Ward takes it all!!!
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Today I am all packed up and ready to head to Houston after work to cheer on my friends that are doing IronMan Texas!!! We won't get in until late and tomorrow my day will start at 4am, helping my peeps, driving back and forth to hotels and trying to calm nerves. The race will go until midnight, although I believe most of my friends will be done by 11pm. Still...a long day for everyone. I've never seen an IronMan live, very, very exciting stuff!!!

OH, and since this was the only day I could do it...I rode my bike to work today. 'Cause it is National Ride your Bike to Work Day. In case you didn't know. :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 20

Holy Crap! Can you believe I've done 20 of these so far? Me either. And yes, I'm behind. :)

How important I believe education is

Extremely important. Not just for the knowledge, but the social skills and interaction with adults that aren't your parents. You learn how to adapt in different situations, you learn tolerance, you learn so many thing aside from the books. And yes, books (or information) are important to. :)

So many kids today go to school, yet are uneducated. Seriously, get on FB to see how many youngsters misspell or use words incorrectly. DRIVES ME CRAZY! I'm so glad that I went to school at a time where teachers weren't forced to teach to a test. That is what is happening today. Back in my day....a LONG time ago...teachers were unique, you wanted to be in their class! Now most of the creativity has been driven away. I'm not saying that the teachers today are sub-par, I just believe that they don't have the same opportunity or freedoms that my teachers did. Sad.

College. Is it important? Yes and no. I went to school for music education, I have a degree in K-12, however I have never stepped into a classroom after I finished college. I waited tables (talk about a life lesson!!!) and then went into accounting, and I love it. I think my degree opened the door for me, it shows employers that you can finish something. But I know many people who do not have a college education and are intelligent driven people and are very successful. Toss up. And today's world is based on 'who you know' rather than 'what you know.'

Okay...on to the next day. :)
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In training news last week was awesome. I completed 5 workouts and they were assigned. This week is not going AS well, but I'm still plugging away.

Me...college days:

Friday, May 13, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 19

Disrespecting your parents

This is not a tough one for me. I believe that your parents deserve respect. I didn't even curse around my parents until maybe the last 5 years, and still I cannot say the 'F' word in front of them. I never talked back. My mom was pretty hardcore with the verbal discipline, and I never wanted to find out if she would make good on her 'promises' and I learned to just fade into the back ground.

I only got in trouble once in my youth, I think I was 12, Little Bro would have been about 4, and I said something like, "I wish he had never been born!!!" and my dad grabbed my arm and said, "So you wish that he was dead??" and I got sent to my room. No, I mean...I didn't wish he was DEAD, I just didn't ever want him there to begin with! I was the baby for 8 years! COME ON! That was it though, I didn't want to disappoint them or hurt them.

Our parents have gone through a lot of shit. I mean, most of us have it pretty darn good, but refuse to see it. My dad was tossed from one foster home to the next when his mom was tired of him and his sisters. When grandma needed the money she took the kids back for more Welfare $$. And my mom...well, her house was made of mud...in Mexico. 'Nuff said. They deserve respect. They earned it. And it drives me crazy that kids today get away with way too much and have no consequences...and they think they're entitled. BUT, that is a whole different post...sigh.

Respect your parents. Always.

***Disclaimer....there are certain parents out there who do not deserve the kind of respect that I give my parent. Abuse, neglect and other ugly realities exist and those people don't deserve the children that they had/have.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 18

My Beliefs

Hmmm, how to approach this...list? I think so.

I believe the children are our future...oh, wait....that's a song right?

Seriously, I think I covered a lot of my beliefs along the way here, I'll just do up some bullet points:
  • I believe that everything happens for a reason
  • I believe there is something guiding the universe (faith) and every person's 'something' can be different
  • I believe that a run, coffee and chatting with a friend is great therapy
  • I believe that shopping, margaritas, trying on fancy dresses and chatting with friends is even better therapy!
  • I believe that every person meets for a reason, we all play a role in this movie called 'Life'
  • I believe that teachers are severely underpaid
  • I believe that parents should take responsibility for raising their children
  • I believe that I grew up in the best decade ever (the 80s-90s rule!)
  • I believe that mistakes are life lessons, we should all make them
  • I believe that you should pick up after your dog - Pooh Kharma is real people!!
  • I believe that every day is a gift, some days it may feel like a prank, but hey, we're still alive
  • I believe that I don't want to live past 80, we'll see what I say if I'm still here at 79 :)
That's about it. I mean, there is a LOT of stuff that I believe, but really, this is the good list. Now, in theses past couple of days some of my college day friends have been posting pictures...OMG, funny. I'll be posting these in the next couple of days, starting with this one (take note, I always drank good beer!):

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 17

My Highs and Lows this past Year

Ugh, I knew I couldn't go too long without a heavy one! This year, from May 2010 to May 2011 wasn't the hardest year of my life, but man...it was a roller coaster.

Starting on a high note I met D-Bomb at the Rookie Tri last year, we were volunteering. She was really nice, by herself and no one was talking to her...except me...cause you all know that I love to talk...to anyone. We hit it off and have really been friends ever since! Then I did my first tri of the Texas Tri Series, Skees Greets. I trained hard last year, through the summer and met a great group of girls that I believe will be life long friends.

Ummm, got an ulcer from stress, both physical and mental (work!!), but other than that was very healthy last year. My in-laws came in and we reconciled after a long 7 years. And of course Trainer and I continued to grow in our relationship.

Now for the tough stuff... I met my goal of completing a half IronMan on October 17th. Ooh and just before that I was a part of a home birth with YZB and that was amazing...right before my big day! I finished my race in 6hr 55 min. I was sick as a dog from dehydration, but it was amazing. I think right after the race I said, "I'll never do that again!!" (However I'm starting to train for my next one.) I took the next 2-3 weeks off and started with a new coach. THEN Trainer and I went on our much deserved vacation to Florida for Thanksgiving.

That started the downward spiral that I'm just now coming out of... My beloved Gunthar died while we were gone. And for some reason I just could not cope. I tried. Exercise didn't work. Food didn't work. Alcohol didn't work. Talking about it only made it worse... *sigh*...it was a horrible couple of months. I stopped going out with people, stopped exercising, stopped participating in life for a bit. THEN I got help...from a medical professional. Like I said before, just asking for help took a load of pressure off of my heart.

Now I am back to being social, exercising...drinking (responsibly!) and of course talk, talk, talking! (That encompasses blogging IMO!) I teared up just a little writing that above paragraph, but before I would have been in a heap of tears. (Can you be in a heap of tears??)

Back on the upswing. We got a new puppy...Brody...the Brodster...Schmoopy...Pooh Bear...sweet little guy. I got a tiny, ensie-weensie raise, got offered another job on my qualifications, made good life decisions and whacked off another year of debt! So all in all it was a good year. The lows made me stronger. The highs made me appreciate everything that I have in my life.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 16

Sorry, sorry... (SHANNA)...I fell off the wagon temporarily. There are days I actually do have to work where it takes the entire day. :) I know... sacrilegious!

My view on mainstream music

LOVE IT! Okay, really I don't love all of it. But sadly...for being a music major...I don't have a strong opinion either way. I love all kinds of music. Not a big fan of R&B, heavy rap or thrash metal. Everything else from classical to funk to heavy metal is great in my book. Living in Austin you'd think that I'd be a bit of a snob, but really...not so much. My FAV kind of music is an original 'sound' if that makes sense. I love Pink, no one sounds just like her. Sheryl Crow, James Hetfield, Macy Gray...these are people that aren't cookie cutter. Never been a big bubble gum pop fan....Britney, Christina, Miley etc.

Eh, to each his/her own. Oh, and I love mainstream big box office movies too. Yep. Sure do.
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This past Saturday I did the Shiner Ride. It's a 100 (97 actually, but we round up) mile ride from Austin, TX to Shiner, TX...right to the Shiner brewery. Score! Last year was awesome and this year was good, but not as successful for several reasons. It was hot and effing windy. Very, Very windy. The last 10 miles were the worst, but I did have some great spots on the ride. All of this swimming...or finning as I prefer to call it...is helping me with hills! Well, that's my theory anyway! I rode with D-Bomb and it was her first time doing a century ride. These are not for the faint of heart. You have to have a strong resolve and a high tolerance for pain b/c your Whoo-haaa will feel like it's being caught on fire...over and over and over again.

Then yesterday I finned my way around the Quarry with my Ironfriends. I'm just a Sherpa (pack mule that does whatever you need on race day), but I'm an Iron Sherpa! All I do it put on my fins and grab my kick board and swim in front of my friends. They sight off of my feet and board, well, I turn around and put up my bright yellow board when they start going off track! Major leg work this weekend. But I'm getting my training mojo back. Very excited about that.

Hope everyone had a fab Mother's day!! Here's a geek'd out pic of me and D from the ride:

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 15

My Favorite Tmblrs

Okay, I must be really, really old because I have no idea what Tmblr is! Okay, just looked it up, and in case anyone else is as old and uneducated (techwise) as I...here you go:

From my Google search
Web definitions
  • Tumblr is a blogging platform that allows users to post text, images, video, links, quotes, and audio to their tumblelog, a short-form blog. Users are able to "follow" other users and see their posts together on their dashboard. Users can "like" or "reblog" posts from other blogs on the site. ...

So does it just mean 'Blog'? Eh, whatever. I'm not playing on this one since I don't understand it. HAHA! How old and crotchety do I sound???
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Went to the Dr today for my shoulder that has been jacked up since November. I didn't tear anything, but the therapy is super painful. I'll have to go 2x a week for a couple of weeks to release the muscles that are pinching the tendons and ligaments in my subscap. I almost threw up when he was doing ART (Active release therapy) on it.

I'm doing the Shiner Century (100 miles) on Saturday and I'm so not as ready as I was last year. That's okay though, I will just have fun and peddle my legs off. I'll report on that Monday. :) Ta-ta for now peeps! The Austin Motel sign always cracks my juvie a** up!!


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 14

My earliest memory

Have I talked about this before?? Hmmm...maybe. My earliest memory is at age 4, going over to Hoe's house to see if they had any little girls my age in residence. I'm sure I didn't say, "Do you have any girls that are 4yrs old in residence" more likely "Do you have any little girls to play with?" And they did. My mom must have been with me...but I don't remember her as a part of the equation. I do remember Hoe's mom, and her sister...and of course her. She had her golden brown lock (similar to mine) pinned back in barrettes. I can't remember what she was wearing, maybe a dress...but that part of the memory is not clear.

Funny thing about these random memories. There are chunks of my life that I cannot remember at all! But I'll remember the name of a friend of a friend that he/she mentioned in a story...once. My memory is so bizarre. I forget little things all of the time, which kind of scares me, I'm sure it's normal, but lately it's been happening more. Eeek!

After that first memory I remember my kindergarten year, I was burned with a cigarette by this kid named Carlos. I was wearing my Cookie Monster cardigan. We were both just 5 years old and how he got a ciggy I'll never know, but he burned me and put a hole in my sweater...loved that sweater.

I remember dressing up for Easter with Hoe in our matching pink checkered dresses and white patent leather shoes. (We had a lot of matching outfits...) I remember parts of Girl Scout camp. Ooh, I remember in 4th grade...my mom loved my teacher (she was awesome...Ms. Spitzer) and made her a fresh strawberry pie. The teacher cut me a slice and I was allowed to sit out in the hall and have a piece! I remember almost everything my mom baked for my birthdays in Elementary School.

I don't remember much about Jr High or High School. Crazy huh? And there are big chunks of college that I don't remember as well. And no...I didn't do drugs and really didn't drink. No idea why these memories are repressed.

Anywho...those are some of my earliest memories. :) This below is not my earliest (obviously) but one of my favorites.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 13

Somewhere I'd like to move or visit

Hmmm, well...if I could move and live a comfortable life (and own a house that does not resemble a shack) I'd live in San Diego, ON the beach so I could have coffee outside every single morning. But since that is not going to happen any time soon I am content where I am living. I LOVE Austin. There is so much to do...if you say there isn't then it's your own fault for not wanting to leave your house!

And somewhere I'd like to visit...SO many places I'd like to visit. Fiji would be at the TOP of the list. Amsterdam, Ireland...well Europe in general would be cool. Although I do tend to favor the sunnier places on earth...that have white sand beaches where I can read and sleep while listening to the ocean soothe away all of my thoughts. Ahhh...wish I was in St. John right now!

Blogging Project - Day 12

This is a day late because...I had to bullet point my day...yawn! Not that I didn't want to do it, it's just not that interesting!

A day in the life of Rockin' Austin

  • Wake up at 6:30ish...
  • Trainer brings me breakfast in bed (Oatmeal supreme and coffee)
  • Leave the house at 8am (yes, I'm supposed to actually be AT work at 8)
  • BORING PART...work from 8am-1pm...at my desk answering angry people all day.
  • 1pm - Every Monday I go to the grocery store for my lunch if I can and get the weeks worth of stuff
  • 1:45 - unpack groceries and start making my ghetto-tizers for the IM meeting at night.
  • 2:15pm back to work
  • 5:30pm - leave work, get home, play with pups
  • 6:10pm - leave the house to head to Coachy Coach's house
  • 6:35pm - arrive 5 min late, set out my food, much and visit with my tri-peeps
  • 7:00pm - IM meeting (for the athletes, we're just spectating, but it was cool to hear all the info!)
  • 8:45pm - Drive ALL the way back home...it's like 10 miles or something ridiculous! (HA!)
  • 9:00pm - Arrive home, play with pups
  • 9:15pm - Take pills, wash face, brush teeth and hop into bed
  • 9:30pm - Watch silly tv to try and fall asleep
  • 10:45pm - Turn on CNN and the sleep timer and lay my head down.
Boring right? I think so. No exercise in there since I rode 86 mile on Sunday, my legs were a bit...shall we say spent and let's not get in to the coochy area. OUCH!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 11

10 random songs from my iPod

Well, this is an easy one! Although I have a shuffle, so it's always shuffled. :)
  1. Gravedancer - Velvet Revolver
  2. Home - Daughtry
  3. Home - Sheryl Crow
  4. Hot in Here - Nelly (explicit version of course!)
  5. In Da Club - 50 Cent (Explicit once again)
  6. Into the Ocean - Blue October
  7. Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
  8. Keep Away - Godsmack
  9. Lady Marmalade - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
  10. Lately - David Gray
Funny thing, this is what I take with me to run or do other cardio (aside from the bike b/c we all know my view on cyclists wearing headphones!!!) I love to run to slower songs, I'm sure it doesn't help my pace any, but it makes me happy.
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Went out for D-Bomb's birthday last night. It was hellafun! Her husband rented a Hummer-Limo and there were 11 of us, drank too much, danced too much, wore high heels and make-up. Crazy good times. Trainer even went (he's such a trooper) and didn't say one thing when we went dancing at Rain (a Gay club in the heart of Austin!) I even danced in a cage...twice... Needless to say we cancelled our 80 mile ride for today. I will have to run, but that's much easier to do when feeling...well, 37 after a night out!

And as you can see, I'm getting back on the workout train. I did a spin session on Thursday, ran Friday morning and then swam 3600 meters with TB (tiny bunny) at lunch for an hour and a half! Today I'll run and possibly swim then tomorrow I will ride long. It feels good. My mind is good. Overall...good!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 10

I know, I know...two in one day! But, I forgot to post my 'Day 9' yesterday!

My first love and first kiss

Well, they are definitely not one in the same! My first childhood kiss was with Alan D., a kid who lived down the street from me, we were in 4th grade. We snuck behind my fence and it was over in a millisecond! Ha! My first 'real' kiss (that made me feel all tingly) was with Dan R. in the back of his mom's van on the way back from watching him play hockey. Super romantic!! (NOT!) We had no idea what we were doing, I believe I was 15 at the time, Sophomores in HS. I was pretty much a prude, so 1st base was really it for me. Okay, that's a lie, I think I got to at least 3rd base by the end of HS. BUT, didn't go 'all the way.'

Until...

My first love...*big sigh*....Ricky. The summer after HS Hoe and I went to upstate NY to spend the summer up there. I supposedly had a job (that is why my mom let me go), but in reality Hoe and I just split her paycheck and we were both the grounds keepers at this pool. I'll have to find some of the pics and scan and post. HIL-AR-I-OUS!

Anyway, within our first week there I had met most of the town (it's really tiny) and we went to a party at the 'beach.' (The beach was really a sandy area where there was once water.) All of the kids hung out there around a bonfire drinking and doing stuff that kids shouldn't be doing. It was great. We were just hanging out and this guy comes up to us, he is CUTE and has the most beautiful smile, hair, eyes...and he wanted to talk to me!! ME! What? I know, I was shocked. At this point I didn't believe myself to be a very good looking person, nothing special and I wasn't an outspoken person (my, how things have changed!), or comfortable as the center of attention. Ricky was the homecoming King, the best looking kid in class, very popular...all the things I wasn't.

He ended up taking Hoe and I home in his little sports car (which was the best car in the area) and gave me a small kiss when he let us out. SMITTEN as a kitten I was. We started hanging out, a lot. He was a runner (yep, apparently my 'type') and used to run 8 miles up to the pool. He would get there all sweaty...and drive my 17yr old hormones crazy! We got pretty far on many occasions, but it wasn't until I feel in love with him that I was ready to take that next step. But I did, and it was awkward...the first time...and glorious...and I loved him even more.

Then the summer ended....and he broke my heart. Not right away. We promised to write, call, do all that sappy shit that teenagers promise. I got to school, he wrote me one letter (ONE!) that said that he started dating this chick the same week that I left. I went back a couple summers after that, he was getting married...yes, to that chick. And he almost called it off after we went driving and all of the feelings were still there. But alas, he went through with it. *Le sigh* And I continued on my path...that led me here.

I'm going back to NY this summer for Hoe's wedding (yippee!!) and I hope that he's there. I don't think he will be though...and that's probably good b/c there was a short period of time that I kind of got stalker like on him. :) Hey, I was young! Can you find my younger self?

Blogging Project - Day 9

How I hope my future will be

Hmmm, well, we already know what I would like the next 10 years to look like. Aside from material goods...I hope that my future will be spent living in Austin (or San Diego if the 1,800 square ft houses on the beach become affordable) and traveling with Trainer.

I also hope that one of my brothers have children that I can spoil so I can bribe them into taking care of me when I'm old! That is one (really the only one I see) downside of not having children. Although, my alternative plan is for T and I to check into one of those adult living areas (like the one from In Her Shoes) and party it up like we did in our 20s.

From now until retirement this is what I hope:
  • To be happy with what I'm doing for work
  • To open a wellness center with Trainer
  • To build a savings account that will leave us more than ready for retirement
  • To build a spending account for travel and then...well, travel!
  • To stay in shape and be participating in tris into my 70s!
  • To possibly, maybe, if the stars all align do an IronMan (shit...did I really write that?)
  • To write and publish at least one book
  • And a lot of other stuff that I cannot think of right now!
But for now I just want to be content with my life. Roll with the punches and keep a smile on my face every day.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 8

Holy crap...are you all as amazed as I am? I've blogged every day with the exception of Sunday??? (That is my weekly gift to myself - no computer Sundays!) And on with the project:

A moment I felt the most satisfied with my life

I can remember the first moment I felt the most satisfied with my life. I was 23 years old, living in Oregon with a random roommate (who I got through 'Roommate finder') and sitting in the park by the water. My roommate had to work, I had the day off, it was a Monday. (I used to work Tues - Sat) And I decided that 'today was the day' that I was going to be okay. Trainer had left me in Oregon to go back to Arizona. This would have been April of 1997. Our 1 month of true separation. He wasn't happy, which was making me a nervous wreck and we decided that he should move back. Like I mentioned, I got a random roommate and stayed in our cottage like apartment. (I loved that place.)

This one perfect Monday in April I took my journal down the the waterfront, a blanket and some water and just sat down and watched life happen around me. I didn't wait for anyone to come home and be with me, I didn't want to meet up with anyone, I wanted just to 'be.' The day was lovely and eye opening. I was okay, I was really going to be okay. Everything happened for a reason and maybe Trainer leaving me was the best thing that had happened. I grew up in that time. I gained confidence, awareness and a freedom that I didn't even realize was missing.

After that day I would go see movies by myself, eat out at a sit-down restaurant by myself...I did everything solo. In the cheesiest terms...'I found myself.' And the person that I found was (IS) awesome.

Don't be fooled and think it was happily ever after from that point on. My life became very turbulent after I moved back to AZ in 1998. And stayed in this vortex of confusion until 2008. When again it hit me (over the head like a ton of bricks) that I will always be okay. I always have myself and everything else (my love, friends, house) is icing on the cake. (That would be yellow cake and chocolate icing - fyi!)

Today and everyday I'm satisfied. Like I said, every single day is a gift. Some you have to wait to open, and some seem like it's a 'white elephant' gag gift. Just open your eyes, your eyes, and see all of the gifts around you...starting with yourself. (Below - me in 2008, Oregon coast)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 7

My Zodiac Sign - and do I think it fits my personality

My Sun Sign is Virgo, with Libra Ascending and a Virgo Moon. :) I dabbled in Astrology for a bit and had my chart done. I'm fascinated with it. The funny thing is so are my two brothers, although we didn't know that each one of us was looking for the same information at the same time...siblings. Ha.
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Here are the basic traits of Virgos (from http://lilycat.net/virgo.html):
The sixth sign of the zodiac is concerned with:
* self-perfection, critical faculties
* altruism, honesty, responsibility
* cleanliness, hygiene, health, healing
* efficiency, daily routines, reliability
* strength of character, veiled sensuality
* service, hard work, passivity, modesty
* incisive communication, shrewd logical thought

Elemental Quality

Virgo is the mutable earth sign of the zodiac, indicating adaptable practicality. It can be likened to a semi-shaded patio which has been adapted to make a garden filled with a great variety of plants, climbers, and an arbor. Half-hidden, here and there, are garden chaise lounges with rich patchwork covers, bottles of homemade organic wines, and other unexpected practical delights.

Spiritual Goal

To learn to discriminate between destructive criticism and simple wisdom.

The Virgoan Female

If a woman behaves in a way that is distinctive of the personality associated with the zodiac sign of Virgo, she will have a tendency toward the characteristics listed below, providing there are no influences in her personal birthchart that are stronger than that of her Virgo sun sign.

Appearance
The typical Virgo woman:
* has a pointed chin and a face in repose
* the eyes are often soft and very beautiful
* the hair may be long or short but is normally impeccably groomed
* the mouth and lips are well formed
* is typically clean and very neatly dressed
Behavior and Personality Traits
* can analyze situations in detail
* is devoted to her work, usually serving others in some way
* is basically shy
* has incredible strength of purpose
* will pursue happiness wherever it leads
* is pure of mind but not naive
* thinks of herself as more orderly and efficient than other people
* has a delightful, straightforward personality
* does not express her feelings easily
* can be soothing one moment and critical the next

Young Virgo

If a child behaves in a way that is distinctive of the personality associated with Virgo, he or she will have a tendency toward the characteristics listed below.

Behavior and Personality Traits
The typical Virgo child:
* is quick, alert, and an excellent mimic, and so can learn many things in a short time
* gets upset if he or she forgets something that has been learned by heart
* rarely questions authority but frequently questions facts
* is honest and reliable
* is usually shy among strangers
* loves to do jobs around the home imitating an adult
* is sometimes a fussy eater
* is usually tidy, with occasional bouts of disorganization
* gets very upset if teased
* is often an early talker and reader

This next part from the website gives me a LOT of insight:

Bringing Up Young Virgo

Young Virgos will try very hard to please, as long as they know what is expected.

As they grow up they will often find close relationships with the opposite sex very difficult.

Virgos take a lot of convincing that they are attractive people. Lots of genuine praise and encouragement early in life will help to smooth the path to true love in teenage and early adulthood.

Parents should never interfere when their young Virgo begins to notice the opposite sex. Even the slightest hint of criticism or teasing may cause Virgos to withdraw and choose the single life.

Young Virgo's Needs

Young Virgo must have physical affection, in the form of hugs, and sincere compliments every day in order to build the self-confidence that every typical Virgo child lacks.

Negative Factors

Virgos are nervous worriers, and a friend who in some way feeds the worries will reduce Virgo to a nervous heap.

Virgos can be cold and critical, so a friend who softens the barbed remarks with caring laughter will bring out the Virgo wit.

Most Virgos find it almost impossible to admit they are occasionally wrong.

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The website goes more in-depth and I agree with the majority of traits on there. I display the good and the bad of the sign, however with the Libra rising I'm also a peace-keeper/moderator...which has been/is prominent in my life. So, in a rather large nut-shell, yes...I believe it fits me.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 6

30 Interesting Things about ME

Okay, some of these may be repeats from the past, but if you're a new reader and not obsessive (like me) you may not have seen these!

1. I am not a morning person or a night person, I'm a day person.
2. I have no favorite color
3. My dad calls me Pumpkin, still. To this day. And I tend to call other people's kids Pumpkin.
4. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff.
5. I love my birthday, I try to make it last the entire month, although Trainer only indulges me with a week.
6. I've had 4 major surgeries, two that put me into the ICU.
7. I can play every instrument proficiently, with the exception of the guitar.
8. I love peanut butter. Love, love, love.
9. I did not want kids prior to learning that I cannot have kids. But it still hurt when I was told.
10. I work so I can live, I do not live to work.
11. I love the Fall, you still get the warmth but with some crispness in the air.
12. I have to work at being athletic, it does not come naturally.
13. I believe that everyone should read a contract before they sign it.
14. People that take advantage of 'the system' make me angry.
15. I love the Akita breed and cannot fathom owning a different kind of dog.
16. I want to write a 'coffee table book' about pizza, just travel, try different local pizza and write about it.
17. I love dark chocolate, red wine and black coffee. It's a rich (tasting) life.
18. I love breakfast in bed, fortunately I found someone who loves me enough that it happens often!
19. I love growing old, every year is a gift.
20. I love to read.
21. I love hanging out with my cronies (as Trainer affectionately calls my friends!)
22. I hate scary movies.
23. I am the middle child and have a classic case of Middle Child Syndrome.
24. I am messy by nature, but have a very organized mind.
25. I love buying athletic clothing.
26. I love road trips.
27. I love staying in expensive hotels.
28. I think the worst feeling in the world is rejection.
29. My favorite movies are: Chocolate`, Bridget Jones' Diary, any Harry Potter movie and the Bourne Series.
30. I am spoiled. And I deserve it!

Those are just 30 things. Wow, that is a lot of 'I' there! I hope everyone had a nice Easter and a fantastic Monday. Later Gators!


Saturday, April 23, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 5

A time I thought about ending my own life

Hmmm...this is going to be a very short post. I have never thought about ending my own life. I've been overwhelmed by sadness many times in my life, to the point of not wanting to get out of bed or function, but the thought 'death would be better than this' never crossed my mind. I believe that suicide is a very selfish act. I've known people (personally) who have taken their own life, and then I witnessed the aftermath. The shattered lives that are left behind. I could never consciously do that to another human being.

Plus, as we know, my life is pretty darn good. I've always had a roof over my head, food on the table and people around me that love me.
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In other news, Brody is growing like a weed! Trainer and I had a good night out last night, started at Opal Divine's for some awesome local brews, then went for sushi at Tomo (amazing sushi, like seriously amazing) and then back to Opal Divine's for some more awesome local beer. Passed out by 10pm....sad.

It was a late start to the morning. We ventured out to a closer Farmer's Market...which was a complete bust. Had coffee at one of my favorite bakery's and then drove through my dream neighborhood. We took a flyer from a house that is for sale, I was thinking 'It's got to be at least $350k' and I was wrong. $599,000!!! Holy crap! We'll have to do some hard looking to find a house that is not in shambles that is in our budget. Two years to get there...two.short.years.

Off to do stuff...have an awesome Saturday!!!


Friday, April 22, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 4

My views on Religion

How to approach this... I guess I'll start with my background. I was raised Catholic, by my mother. My father's religion was Sunday football, which I learned to love and embrace. I was in the 'contemporary' choir and went to the 9am mass when I could drive myself. Before that my mom and I attended the 6 or 7am mass. I was baptized, I was confirmed, and then I went to college.

When you go away from home you leave everything you know. My church was pretty straight laced Catholic, Gregorian Chant was the early mass and what I was used to, even the 'contemporary' choir wasn't too loose. I went to Sunday mass on the ASU campus and was appalled. People were wearing SHORTS and FLIPFLOPS to church!! What kind of madness was this? There was no 'and also with you' part of the sermon, I just didn't get it, it didn't fit into what I knew, so I refused to go. No one cared anyway, no one was watching over my shoulder...which was why I went out of state to attend college. :)

After that experience I started learning more about Theology and religion and found that I really don't care for organized religion. Believing in one meant that you thought someone else's beliefs weren't just or correct. Perhaps that is an extremist's view?

My aunt once told me that astrology was the work of the devil...and that I shouldn't be reading that rubbish. Really? For real? I have more of a universal approach...for my belief system:

Everything happens for a reason.
There is a higher power that I pray to, but it is neither man or woman.
I will pray when I feel like praying, and my church is usually on the road, whether I'm running or riding.

That's about it. Wishy washy? Yeah, you could say that. Simplistic? Yeah, maybe that too. But I won't apologize for my belief system or lack of structure. That's it for today!
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In training news (or lack of training) I ran today, 3 miles with D-Bomb and we did it so we could have coffee talk afterward. I love training days like today! I may actually get 4 or even 5 workouts in this week?? Crazy. I know.

What I believe makes images like this possible:

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 3

My views on drugs and alcohol

My drug of choice is caffeine. Yes, it's a drug. And we all know how I dig my red wine and fancy beer. But as far as being an advocate of drugs...not so much. I experimented with pot in my early 30s, did it 3 times. Each time I just wanted to find a dark room and go to sleep. So for me it wasn't a big deal. I've never tried harder drugs. I guess I just don't like that 'out of control/out of my body' feeling. I like control, I'm a bit of a control freak (and I'm okay with that!)

Each time I was in the ICU I had access to some pretty hard drugs. I was allowed Morphine every 30 minutes. I only took it once. I wasn't out to prove anything, but I would rather feel pain than be in pain and not really care. Does that makes sense? Any surgery I've had I was prescribed Percocet or Oxycontin and I always had most of the 'scrip left over. Just not interested. It's all Nancy Regan's fault...'Just say No to drugs!'

In a nutshell - LOVE wine, LOVE beer, not into drugs.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Blogging Project - Day 2

Where I'd like to be in 10 years


Hmmm...where would I like to be in 10 years? Alive and kicking for starters. Seriously though, I'd like to be living in a much smaller house about 5-7 miles South of where I reside today. I would like to own his and hers beach bicycles that Trainer and I could ride everywhere together. Mine would have to be equipped with a basket so I could go to the grocery store. I can see us peddling to the coffee shop on Saturday afternoons or Sunday morning and to the bar at night! It's going to be great.


Job wise I really don't know. If I'm still here and growing I'd be okay with that. If I get stuck in this position for too much longer I'll have to find something else to do. I've always tossed around the idea of going back to school...for psychology...to be a therapist. But more than anything within the next 10 years I would like to take some writing classes and get these stories that I've started published. I know, it's cliche' but I want to write books and if I can get something off the ground in the next 10 years I would be very, very happy.


Also, in 10 years (more like less than 2!!) I will be debt free, with the exception of my house. I will have an emergency fund and a HUGE retirement fund started. And Trainer and I will finally go on our Trek trip to Napa.


See what I mean about getting older!! Look at all of these things I have to look forward to! Getting older, aging, letting the years go past...it's a celebration I tell ya! Bring.It.On.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Blogging project - Day 1


Oh, let's see...I've been married for 11 1/2 year and together with Trainer for 16 years. Can I stop there? No? Really?

I've blogged about my relationship before, I've blogged about marriage before. It's like this (for us anyway) - marriage is work, it is hard and can get down right brutal (emotionally) some days. But, every single step, mistake, trip leads us down this path...a path that is full of love and reward and understanding, not only of the other person but of yourself. I never knew how to value myself until I was forced to look into the mirror. Was I worth love? Yes. AM I worth loving? Yes. Do I love myself? More than ever.

Trainer and I met when I was 21, graduating from college and entering my 'wild' (haha) phase. For me 'wild' was spending all of my tips (@ $40 a night) on beer, staying out until 4am and going back to work at 11am. We didn't hook up immediately, but once we did there was no looking back. We had a connection (albeit completely sexual at that point) that led us from the bedroom 16 years ago the the alter. Life is funny that way.

I love him, I love myself, I love our life. Marriage is hard, it is work, but it is worth every tear, every heartache, every smile.





A new challenge...

Okay, so my friend Sprinter started this challenge on her blog this past week. She is an amazing person, talented writer and a great friend. I never finished my other 30 day challenge, so hopefully I can do a little bit better on this one! We shall see. Day 1 - to be released by end of day!



Monday, April 18, 2011

Taxes and bike rides are both a pain in my a**

Okay, well the bike riding is a literal pain in my a**! This weekend I went on a 77mi bike ride with D-Bomb (this will be her nickname, training partner from last year and now great friend!) The funny thing is that our Coach didn't think we could do it, or feel good doing it rather. But we did and I felt great afterward. I mean, I WAS ready to get off my bike at that time, but the whole experience was rather pleasant. Sure the wind was blowing, but nothing compared to our ride last weekend. There were some hills, but nothing too severe and the scenery was beautiful. All in all a wonderful day.


Last weekend Trainer went out of town for training and I started the taxes. Ugh, I loathe taxes. We always owe. We own a house, but the interest is just not enough of a deduction and since we don't have two footed children we lose out there as well. Last night I settled in to finish and see if I could whittle away some of the payment. The ultimate goal is to owe $0 and receive nothing back. The goal was not met, but in some ways it is a privilege to pay taxes. Call me weird, that's fine, but it does support a lot of good programs (a lot of bad ones too, I'm not a complete bleeding heart) and I've known people who have used those programs. But it is never fun to see your savings account shrink in an instant.


This week I'm ready (I say this every week don't I?) to get started on my program. Really, I'm tired of being out of shape. I'll refrain from saying 'fat' but seriously all of my muscle has turned to mush. Blah. I have to get in more than 1-2 workouts a week and start on my strength training again. I hate starting over, but if I don't stop then next year maybe I won't be in this position? Maybe? And maybe this pollen will clear out of the air so I can breathe just a bit easier.


Nothing much to report otherwise. The Brodster is a cutie and he starts training this week. We'll see how that goes. Sprinter is doing a 30 blog challenge and I may steal it, give me some writing inspiration. :) Until then peeps...have a great day!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Friend Keeper

Instead of the bee keeper...get it? No, okay...fine.

Way back, like at the beginning of my blog, I think I mentioned that I'm a friend collector. Not on purpose, it just happens. I'm a good listener and it makes people like me, then they get to know me and love me. I love back. This used to drive Hoe crazy. She sometimes got annoyed that I had so many friends. From kindergarten through college and then onward into 'real life' I just accumulated some really great relationships. Every one of my friends has meaning in my life and despite the time lapse...or even distance. I keep those people in my heart and thoughts and when we do connect it's like not a moment has passed.

Last year I had a rupture in a friendship. It was horrible. This person was one of my best friends. A person who I could go to with anything. A person that I could ask advice and trust that I was getting good information. One slight problem. This person was a man. *Gasp* I know...shocker right. Because men and women can't be friends? Bah. We were great friends. We dated EONS ago in college (we know what 'dated' means right?) and continued our friendship after a break of about 5 years I think? We would email weekly, I could talk to him about issues that I was having in my marriage and he would give me some perspective that I wouldn't have thought about. He was supportive of my tri efforts as he started down the road before I did.

We talked about everything. Training, spouses, work, his kids, my dogs...our lives. And yes, sometimes he would start his email with, 'What's up cupcake?' or I would say, 'What's going on cookie?' I never thought it was lewd or inappropriate. Trainer knew that I talked to him on a regular basis. I was very open with that fact. He knew that this person did triathlons and was a newbie like me. He knew of our past life. He didn't have a problem with it, but I think it was because it was all out in the open. SO, what do you think happened?

Right. This person wasn't as open with his spouse and she intercepted an email from me while he was racing. I think the email said, "what's up cookie? I think you should do the race anyway. You're going to be the asshole either way, so might as well do it." Apparently she didn't appreciate it and went through ALL of his email accounts. He unfriended me not just from facebook, but from everything. And I understood. And I accepted it, until he made me feel bad about it. Then I got angry. Angry that he wasn't honest. I mean...we don't have to go into every single detail of our 18 year relationship, but maybe talk to her about perspective and how I'm married etc. I guess he did tell her that and she lashed back that I wasn't happily married if I was writing a married man starting with "What's up cookie?" How dare she judge me.

Eh, maybe I crossed a boundary? I told Trainer about all of it as it was happening. Yes, even the part about "What's up cookie?" and he didn't care. But maybe some people would think that I did cross some line. The worst part is that is was all so sudden. Whack! No more emails. No more support. No more friendship. He emails sometimes to check up on me if I haven't posted here. So I know that he still cares. And I respect that he is abiding by her wishes. I would do the same. I know that. It just hurts though. No one wants to be the main topic of a married couple's argument.

I believe that men and women can indeed be friends, close friends. I have one at work. He's married, I trade books with his wife, and I get coffee with him at least 3x a week. But I learned my lesson. I don't email him starting with 'What's up cookie?'

Anyway, love and loss. Life. I don't know why I had to share that story...I wanted to write about it when it happened, but I needed distance from the situation. And I still feel the same way. I hope that one day we can be true friends again and he doesn't have to sneak to email me a message asking me if I'm okay.

Have you ever lost a friendship? It sucks.
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In other news... Training is started! Okay, so I only ran for 30 min, but more than I had done in a while. Tomorrow I will ride 50 miles. I am getting back at it!! My goal is a 1/2 Ironman in the fall. There. I said it. Shit.

This is family year. Trainer's dad is coming in May, I have my reunion in June so I'll see Hoe and my brothers, my parents are coming out in July, Hoe is getting married in August!!!! (And we're going up to New York for the ceremony. I'm so flippin' excited!!!) Trainer's mom is coming out in November. Holy crapola!!

It's going to be busy, crazy and overwhelming...and I cannot wait!