Sunday, December 27, 2009

Some days I realize that I'm a jackass

Yes, me...a jackass, selfish, self-centered and oblivious. Please, let me explain. See, some times I get really caught up in my own life, I think most of us do, however I do this when my very best friends are going through hell and back. They don't really NEED my support as all my girlfriends are powerhouse women who shoulder the world and then some, but it doesn't mean that they don't appreciate the support.

It seems this year has been riddled with difficult beginnings. I think I had all of my "difficulties" last year and I was just enjoying this year for being fabulous and filled with nothing but simple peace. Then I think about these things:

Sexy Hippy's baby was born with something, we still don't have real answers, but she came out of the womb like a wet noodle. Precious little babe, adorable and eyes that are so wise that you just know that this isn't her first go around. She was in the NICU for 10 long, excruciating, weeks. She's already had two major surgeries, one being a tracheotomy so her parents can't even hear her cry or babble. But they just look at her and she communicates with their hearts. SH has a toddler at home, a little cutie pie that is handling this with some grace that most of us don't possess. The baby was able to come home this week. I don't know how they do it, I mean obviously they ARE doing it, I just can't imagine how. I'm a jackass for being so far away and unable to help. I just send her loving sentences on Facebook of all thing...jeezus, what a jackass...Facebook.

Legs' baby boy #2 was born with a bilateral cleft lip and pallet. When you look at the scale from okay to worst case scenario he was the latter. But this baby boy is the sweetest, most charming baby I've ever met. I'm sure he gets the charm from his dad...swear to goodness it oozes out of his pores, and this baby...he has it, that gift of charm. He's been through five major surgeries this year (I think it's 5, it may be 6), the last one being on his birthday. One, I'm a super jackass for not sending a card for his 1st birthday and TWO, even more of a jackass for not knowing that he had this last surgery coming up. I mean, Legs is a mover, a shaker, a mommy with a purpose. She works full time at an oil company here in TX, which is high stress. She commutes over an hour each way and yet still makes it home in time to pick up both her boys from school/daycare with a smile on her face and an ear for her older toddler who has the vocabulary of a 6th grader. He's 3.

There are other stories of jackassedness (like that word?) but these two stand out. I think mostly because they are dealing with little beings that really can't communicate. It's hard enough when the baby is a newborn and all you can do is guess at what the cries are for (so I've been told, my babies scratch at the door), but when they can't make a hard is that?? When they just look at you with love in their eyes like THEY are trying to comfort YOU? How do they do it?

The kicker with these two cases? I know they read this superficial blog of mine. My trivial little stories. I don't know, maybe it helps by taking them away from the seriousness of their lives. Maybe they read my stories and laugh at the situations I find myself in? Maybe they celebrate with me when I've found the peace in my life that they've wanted for me for so long? I don't know what it is, but they always manage to write a kind word to me, to let me know that they are there for me. How fucking ridiculous right? THEY are there for ME? Seriously.

And I guess this is just my way of saying, I'm there for you too. I'm always here. If you need to call and just cry on the phone I can do that. If you need me to drive 3 hours in the night to take you out for a glass of wine, I can do that. If you need me to fly out to see you and take you out for a margarita (just one, you're still pumping after all!), I can do that. I can do whatever you need me to do my fabulous ladies, anything at all.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry December 25th!

What a wonderful day it has been thus far. It's only 10am here and I've had a fabulous x-mas. Hoe left yesterday (more on that perhaps tomorrow or the next day.) After we dropped Hoe and her beau off we went to eat at Galaxy Cafe (who has the BEST mac n' cheese ever!) and after that Trainer asked, "Anything else?" We were somehow strategically standing in front of the Flying Saucer. Huh, wonder how that happened? I said, "Well, you're probably going to run so we can just head home." He looked at me and said, "It's cold, windy and shitty out. I'm not running. Do you want to have a beer?" Eagerly I nodded my head YES and we had a beer...or two...or more.

I love having company, LOVE it, truly no reflection of the visit. However, living a certain way (like with just your husband and two dogs who could really give a rip if you get up in the middle of the night naked to get more know, the little things) company can make your life a little weird. So we had beer and a great conversation about the upcoming year, the past years and our distant future. It was a great ending to a nice visit. Then we were home at a little after 5 (yes, I had my first beer around 1:30pm) just in time to feed Fifi, you know how she loves her food! I popped a pizza in the toaster oven (still my favorite appliance) and drank another beer while rockin' out to Godsmack. Then we sat down to watch some more episodes of Dexter, a new show that Hoe turned us on to. We started watching at around 6:45 and Trainer was out like a light by 7:30. No, we didn't have THAT much beer, I guess waking up at 4:30am with very little sleep that week took its toll.

Well, I wasn't going to re-watch the episodes by myself so I ran a nice hot bath and read my book. We had stripped the sheets so by the time I went to bed it was just with the comforter. But that was okay. Trainer slept just over 12 hours, got up, fed the pups, took them out, made coffee and brought me breakfast in bed. And it wasn't just oatmeal! Eggs, toast with pb and a half an orange. I even forgot that it was Christmas. We didn't exchange gifts this year (see post about financial planning), but you know what? It wasn't missed. We didn't rush out to see what his mom had sent us, we didn't have all this paper to clean up, we just chilled with the pups and had an awesome morning.

Now I'm just loading all my Starbuck's gift cards onto one card. I figured, 'Hey, no time like the present to write a blog!' So here it is. My non-Christmas post. My 'You know what? Life is awesome!' post. My 'You know what the best part of today is? Hanging out with my husband!' post. Here I leave you with your loved ones and hope that you are having a fantabulous day, just like me. Merry Christmas peeps. Even if you don't celebrate December 25th, go out and celebrate the day, just today. Love, peace and all that good stuff.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The upcoming weekend

Oh, you have no idea how excited I am for this upcoming visit from my Hoe. Well, maybe you do since I've been talking about it for some time now! Over the time of my blog I'm sure I've told you a little about Hoe, and so you're thinking...'Big deal, a nice little visit.' For me it's a big deal. Let me take you back... *cue mystery music with sparkly sounds taking us back....way back*

I met Hoe when I was almost 4 years old. My family had just moved to Colorado, had built a house in a new neighborhood, and of course I knew no one. Not that 3-4yr olds have a big group of friends, but I was out of my element. Hoe's family had just moved to Colorado from upstate New York. I remember walking around the block of my new neighborhood and going up to this door, ringing the doorbell and waiting. A beautiful lady opened the door and I said, "Do you have any little girls?" She smiled, let me in and there were two girls there. An older one and one that was about my height, my age, and she had a shy impish smile. We hit it off right away. I'm sure my mom was there some place, how irresponsible would it be to let your 4yr old daughter walk around the block by herself, but I don't remember that part.

Fast forward a year and I remember us walking to kindergarten together that first day. Her sister, evil just like my older brother, walking ahead of us, pretending not to know us. (And yes, these were the years where kids actually walked to themselves...almost a mile!) We were in the same class, not to happen again until much later, and we stood outside the classroom door, all lined up waiting to go in. I remember that afternoon, notes pinned to our dresses and me falling down, seeing blood and throwing up. I remember her being there with me the entire time.

Elementary - We started brownies together and stayed in scouts longer than most people would imagine. I remember at Easter that we would have matching dresses and at the start of school we had the same Keds shoes. I remember playing on the playground together, even when we were in different classrooms. Throughout elementary she had the BEST toys...she would get barbies and I got a little brother. We played at her house a lot because she had the goods. But every day after school she was at my house until her parents came home, my mom watched the neighbor kids.

Jr. High - Oh my Hoe wanted to be popular, she already was. She tried out different groups, the stoner group, the intellectual group, the music geek group...she was everywhere. I was solidly in with the intellectual/music geeky group. We still had sleep overs at her house, the same as we did when we were little. What I know now, that I couldn't have known then, was she was in a complicated household. I think as kids we really don't pay attention or think about other people's households. We assume that they are all the same. My dad worked nights and on his days off had a beer. My mom worked at the school, was home with us all the time and went to all of my events. Her dad worked nights as well and when he was off had more beers than he should. Her mom worked an 8-5 job, if not longer hours, and was hardly there for her events. Her parents didn't get along in the private space of their home. If you saw them at a party you'd never know it. A case of 'let's stay together for the kids.'

High School - Oh the drama of high school. Hoe was still on her quest to be popular (again, she already was) and I was still in my same little group of friends. I had a lot of friends. Hoe and I were still best friends though. We rode to school together, we always had each others back, and our household situations were still the same. We only had a couple of major fights throughout this time. One was because I couldn't resist teasing her until her breaking point, that was when she threw me up against a locker...and everyone got mad at her. Whoops. One other time was over a boy, she didn't want him, we started dating and she decided that was not a good idea...just because she didn't want him didn't mean anyone else (let alone me!) should have him. But we dated and became serious. Then....

The summer after HS - Hoe used to go back to upstate NY every summer and she asked me to go. I never thought my mom would let me as she was the Queen of No. However, surprisingly to everyone she let me go...for the entire summer. Hoe had her objectives for the summer. 1. Breakup me and the boy 2. Get me drunk and 3. Get me laid. I'll tell you that she was successful in all three. And that summer shaped who I am today. I broke up with said 'boy', met a new boy who I fell in love with (and suffered my first heartbreak later that year), lost my virginity to that boy, and drank my first sips of alcohol. Not all in one night mind you!

College - Hoe and I went to different schools. I wanted to, HAD to, get away from Colorado. NEEDED to get away from everyone and everything I knew. She went to a smaller school in Durango, I went to the big-ass campus of Arizona State. I was a number, she was a force. But, we remained close and talked on the phone a lot. She came to visit me, I went to visit her. We could go months without talking, but when we did it was like nothing had been missed. We worked summer jobs together when we were back in town for those months. She got me a construction job, we were flaggers, in tight jeans and t-shirts, downtown Denver, driving the menfolk crazy.

After college - Hoe went back to Denver and worked various jobs and finally got into the industry that she She climbed her way up, the hard way, and is now a very successful very recognizable figure in the world of DJ. Me, well...I majored in music, started waiting tables my last semester of school and finally (FINALLY) found my true rebellion. I graduated and stayed at the restaurant, meeting a new crowd of people who spent all their free time and money on having a good time. I let loose, like really let loose for about 6 months. During that time I met Trainer and how we got together? Yeah, I've covered that right? Obviously we got married and then bought a house. Hoe came to visit me once I after we bought the house, she met my pups and I had a girls night for her. And then I moved once more.

Present day - See, we have this special history. We have dark, deep, secrets that only we know and only we will ever know. Not the kind of secrets that you are thinking. Mostly about our families, our lives, the heartache and triumphs. The ones that usually go down in your journal because you are afraid to share it out loud and be criticized. I love her so much, just like a sister. That's why this means so much to me, this little visit. And bonus, I get to meet her new guy, I think he's the one who actually made this happen. So I'm grateful and thankful that he's in her life so we have this time to make more memories.

Future - One day Hoe and I will own a house together in upstate NY and we'll be rocking our chairs on the porch. We'll hoot and holler at the young men driving by in their truck or on their Harley's. We'll go to the grave with most of those secrets and memories. And we'll always be together.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Quick Fix

Okay, my Hoe blog is coming later, but had to do a quick one.

Can I just say that financial planning sucks? I know it will be good for the future...yada, yada, yada, but it really sucks right now. Be prepared to read about the most boring person around! We're going to find a way (with the help of our beloved Financial Planner) to put an additional $500 towards our credit debt. Seriously. Not sure where that's going to come from!!! (Actually, I'm pretty sure it will come from: Beer, wine, eating out, concerts, movies and anything involving fun.)

Later kids.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Getting to know me

Okay, so I'm totally ripping this off of an email that The Saint sent to me. I love these little email things that tell you about your friends. So, here it is:

01. High heels or boots? Boots, cute ones, with heels
02. What time did you get up this morning? Uh, 7:30am
03. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds, pearls never did it for me
04. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Hangover, I love stupid/raunchy humor
05. What is your favorite TV show? Right now it would be House, and has been for a while
06. What do you usually have for breakfast? Quaker Old Fashioned Oats with a tsp of honey
07. What is your middle name? Jean...I know right? I'm half Mexican and my name is very 'farmer'
08. What food do you dislike? Hard one, there aren't many I dislike...I'll say liver (bleech!)
09. What is your favorite CD? Oh jeez, uh...Sheryl Crow, self named album
10. What characteristic do you despise? Self righteousness
11. Favorite clothing? Jeans (ratty old ones) and a sweatshirt
12. Anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? St. John still has my heart, but I'd be willing to find another beachy city...perhaps in Europe
13. Are you an organized person? If you saw my desk you'd think not, however...very organized in my head and thoughts
14. Where would you retire to? Oooh, tough one. Probably San Diego
15. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 35th last year, Trainer threw me a party!
16. What are you going to do when you finish this? Continue working until we leave for our company Holiday party that is being thrown downtown! WOOHOO!
17. Furthest place you are sending this? Well, since this will travel via blog who knows?
18. When is your birthday? August far away....
19. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm actually a DAY person, but if I had to choose between the two it would be night. Mornings and I do not get along.
20. What is your shoe size? 8 to 8 1/2
21. Do you own any animals? Uh, I believe they own me. Yes, two Akita pups
22. Any news you'd like to share? Well my Hoe is coming to visit starting next Sunday!!! (She is the start of my blog for tomorrow)
23. What did you want to be when you were little? A concert pianist
24. What is a day on the calendar that you are looking forward to? December 19th when Hoe gets here!!!
25. Do you wish upon stars? Yep, and I make a wish any time I see the clock hit 5:55
26. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Burnt Orange (and it has nothing to do with UT, this would be my standard answer going back years and years!)
27. How is the weather right now? Fricken COLD!
28. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Smiley at work
29. Favorite soft drink? I really don't like soda, but if I had to choose I would say Dr. P
30. Favorite restaurant? Ooh, hard one...right now it would be the Flying Saucer, although more of a bar than restaurant.
31. Hair color? Plain ol' brown, and I dye it on occasion to be a darker brown
32. What was your favorite toy as a child? Probably my piano or my books, I know, not really toys, but I didn't have much in the way of traditional toys.
33. Summer or winter? Winter I think, really it would be Fall...but that's not a choice
34. Chocolate or vanilla? Swirl (me too Sexy Hippy!)
35. Coffee or tea? Hands down COFFEE - bring on the JAVA
36. Boy, do I wish I was still... Hmmm, wish I was still at home reading my book and not having to "work"
37. When was the last time you cried? Uh, probably when I was PMSing and a cotton commercial aired
38. What is under your bed? My winter running/cycling clothes
39. What did you do last night? Worked until 7, came home and made rolled tacos and started on our financial packet. Fun. Fun.
40. What are you afraid of? Failing
41. Salty or sweet? Mixed, one after the other!
42. Best quality you have? Listening and being open
43. How many years at your current job? 3 1/2 (feels like 21 as in dog years!)
44. Favorite day of the week? Thursday!
45. Do you like finding these things out from your friends? Of course!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The ...'to be continued' Saturday night post

I'll try to make this's going to be tough. Look out for blog-o-mania this week, lots of stuff going on!

Budgeting - Well, Trainer and I have been pretty lax about our budget lately and then we received a letter from our CC company about them raising our interest rate by 4%. Mind you we have good credit and we always pay our bills on time so I was SHOCKED to see this increase. We have until January to either continue or opt out. SO, I spent all of the weekend before last making a new budget and seeing if we could fit everything into our plan and still save etc. Then I decided that we needed the help of a professional. Trainer agreed and even had some questions of his own about our retirement.

Financial Planning - We enlisted the help of a professional. He was likable right off the bat, making me feel pretty comfortable laying all the cards out on to the table. I have a feeling that I'm not going to LOVE everything he suggests, but at least we'll be on some kind of track to get where we'd like to be (debt free...some day) in the future. If we can pay off a big chunk of debt, fix the house, sell the house, move and start saving for retirement in the next 5 years I'll be a very, very happy girl! Albeit boring in the mean time as I won't be spending money.

Volunteering - So the Machine (new friend, training person from T3) got me to sign up to volunteer for the Jingle Bell race in our area. I worked the packet pick-up. The cool thing about volunteering for this particular company is that you get points, and those points turn into race fee discounts! How cool is that? The actual volunteering was boring, there were a lot of us and not a lot of people. But, I did my couple of hours and had the rest of the day to....drink.

Flying Saucer - This is our favorite bar...currently. They have about 60+ beers on tap and about every bottle you could think of. I'm fond of dark beer, porters have been the choice of late, however the Saucer was out of my favorite. So I started sampling and the bartender asked if I had tried stouts before. Besides Guinness in a Black and Tan...I'm a stout virgin. OMG, was it ever good to give it up to Young's Double Chocolate Stout. I layered it with the Rogue Hazelnut and wah-lah, my new favorite beer was born. I mean, dark beer that tastes like chocolate, coffee and hazelnuts? Hello??? Did I mention that we started drinking at 3ish?

Frozen Pizza - This was our dinner after we got home from the Saucer. I popped it in while Trainer set up the Kissopoly table. We continued to drink at home where we had some porter and ale and no one had to drive. ;) (Safety first!) Dinner of champions.

Kissopoly - So this wasn't like our usual game play. One, it was too cold out to make the necessary outfit changes. Two, we were both pretty tired. So it ended up being 2 games, I won the first round, he won the second and the bed won out over anything more fun for the evening.

Sunday - However, Sunday morning proved to be awesome. I was cleaning out my drawers, getting rid of old clothes and putting things in neat piles. I wish I were a neat person by nature, but it's just not in me! Trainer is super-neat, so really I try to be neat for him. Anyway, I was doing this and apparently it was a turn on. Holy wow, I'm going to have to find a reason to clean out the drawers and closets every weekend!

After we made lunch at home Sunday (we blew our entire eating out budget for the week at the Saucer - whoops!) I got an email from the Machine and she wanted me to ride with her. OMG, I had my ass handed to me by a 50+ year old. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it just made me realize that I want to grow up to be like her. We rode 40 painful (for me) miles, and 20 of those were going back with a head wind. I barely made it back home, not enough nutrition or fluids on the ride, and Trainer had to make dinner. Nothing like a good ass kicking to end your weekend eh?

Well, it's getting late, I need to get home and I have SO much more to say! Until tomorrow peeps!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Saturday night!


Financial Plan


Flying Saucer

Frozen Pizza


More in the morning....that would be Sunday some time...

Friday, December 4, 2009

It DID snow!

Okay, just a really cute picture of me and my little buddy, this is Little Zen, and he is the best! You can't really see the snow, but how adorable is this picture??

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Let it snow!

Okay, is "supposed to" snow tomorrow. During the day even, yep, like between the hours of 12 - 6pm. In Austin. Texas. I'm NOT buying it. It seems like no matter where you live they try to make headlines out of the weather, as if there is nothing else to talk about. Huh. 'SNOW STORM 2009!!" I can see it now. And we're only supposed to get 1/2" to 1" at best. Can't wait to see if it happens.

The only reason it might snow tomorrow? Trainer and I have concert tickets to see KISS tomorrow night with Big Country and Brassy. I can't remember if this will be my 7th or 8th KISS concert, huh, I'll have to look. (Trainer keeps all of his ticket stubs) Super excited about the concert, I even have a little babydoll tee to wear, courtesy of Trainer! I'll take pics, well maybe...if my allergies have subsided by then. I have NO idea WTH I'm allergic to right now, but I look and sound horrible. I wake up with 'drug head' know, all fuzzy and puffy? Hmmm...snow would probably be good, kill whatever is killin' me!

Okay, sorry...short blog, I actually got busy at work...annoying, but it's job security you know!?!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Today I woke up and took Fifi out on her leash to go to potty. It was 40 degrees out, I can't complain, it's not Colorado cold. Then we came back in and watched tv in bed. We've all been confined to the bedroom during her recovery, trying to make it easier on her. (Although, I have to admit that being in the same room for hours and hours on end becomes quite depressing.) Exactly an hour later she was wanting her food...she loves her kibble. So Trainer got up, made the coffee and brought in their food. Then we went back to bed, watching tv and being lazy. It was awesome.

I eventually got out of bed and looked at my inventory for the "big dinner" and discovered that I didn't have my turkey bags! For the past 5 of 6 years I have always used one and the turkey turns out really I ended up having to go to the store. While I was there I was happy, not too crowded since everyone who is prepared doesn't need to go to the store. I picked up extra stuff of course and even stopped at the adjoining Starbuck's on my way out to get Trainer and I cappuccinos. Lately I have been filled with happiness, a feeling of contentment, like there is something inside of me that comes out in my smile. Even after I made it to the car and emptied the entire contents of one of the cappuccinos into my center console I was still happy. Still bursting with good feelings. I thought, "Well, at least it wasn't a latte!"

I love to read, I think we've covered that before. About a month ago I finished one of the most impactful books (personally) in my life thus far. Eat, Love, Pray is the name of the book, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I don't usually push books, unless we're talking about the Harry Potter series (love it!!), so it was surprising to me that I talk about this book so openly and literally want everyone to read it. It changed my life, or at least how I was living it. Now, it is not a 'self-help' book. It is a memoir of the author's spiritual journey. The funny thing is that I looked at this book before and had never picked it up, I looked at the back and decided that I wouldn't like it. My friend The Saint gave it to me for my birthday and I took it with me to Mexico.

I was already in the middle of a book when I went to Mexico so I didn't read it on the plane. Towards the end of the trip I decided, 'What the heck' and started reading it. It's not a book about religion or a book about relationships...well, kind of about relationships, but concentrates on the relationship with oneself. One day I was laying out reading it and this random woman, who was probably in her late 50s, early 60s stopped in front of my chair and said, "Oh, I love that book. Such a good book. I even took notes!" I had just started it and was thinking, 'riiight...okay lady' but quickly discovered what a gem this book is.

I can't describe exactly what this book did for me, but it helped me deal with some issues...the lingering issues that no matter how much I said I was over I wasn't. This book helped me find a way, not to get 'over it' but to move on from it, to get beyond and heal completely. Again, the book doesn't tell you 'how' to move beyond, but it tells a story of a woman who has gone there and makes you believe that you can as well. I LOVE this book. I recommend it to complete strangers, to my doctor, I blurt it out all of the time. Maybe I didn't pick it up when it came out because I wasn't ready for it, wasn't ready to be open. Now, like today and everyday, I am filled with this feeling of elation and general happiness, filled with love. And yes, I know how cheesy that sounds.

Enough of my ranting on that subject. I made a good dinner consisting of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing (both in and out of the turkey), canned cranberry sauce, and rolls. Oh, and we must not forget our turkey day tradition of the yellow cake with chocolate frosting. It was a little sad as we always have people over, but in some ways it was nice. We let Fifi out of the room all day to be with us and she did okay. She's starting to lick her wound so we may have to put her in the E-collar. Yikes. Now I'm drinking my glass of wine, watching football and loving my life.

Happy Thanksgiving (again) everyone. I am thankful that I have all of you in the blog world whose words and comments mean so much more than you can imagine. Peace.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Holy crap. Who knew that it was going to be this difficult? The doctor sent us home with a list of rules and so far I'm not doing that great with them!

1. She is supposed to be confined to a small area so she's not up wandering the house. Okay, well we tried to get her to stay in the front room and she wasn't having any of it, knocked down the baby gates, freaked out her brother and proceeded to walk around, or hobble.

2. She is supposed to be separated from her brother. This is so he doesn't lick her wounds, but he's really not that kind of dog. He really could care less about her staples and really just wants to know why we keep yelling at him every time he goes near her. See above, baby girl busted herself out of "jail"...not successful.

3. She is supposed to be wearing an E-Collar, the ones that make your dog look like they stuck their head through an old fashioned record player. Well, she was miserable, kept running into things and was too out of it to figure out how to maneuver. ie; she was trying to walk by the TV, her collar got stuck on the fireplace, and she just stood there....trying to move forward. SO, I took it off. I couldn't handle it, now I'm just watching her like a hawk to make sure SHE doesn't lick or bite her wounds.

4. She is only allowed to go outside on a leash to potty three times a day.'s 10am and she's already been out twice. Once to tinkle and once to poo. To say that she is not happy with being on a leash to potty is an understatement. I'm sure she is thinking, "really, a leash in my own backyard??"

5. She is just supposed to lay there, not moving, just resting. Okay, have you ever tried to get a 102lb dog (side note - YEAH, she lost 16lbs in two months before her surgery!!) to just be still when they don't want to? I finally gave up, let her roam where she wanted until she exhausted herself enough to take a nice long nap. (I also gave her a pain med to help the process along.)

When I took the pups out to potty (mind you Fido is confined to the house as well since I can't leave the dog door open) Fido wanted to play. It looked like he was going to pounce on her. You know...when they put their upper half on the ground and their butts are shaking in the air, ready to play?? Yeah, poor thing was very sad that he got yelled at...again...for doing what comes naturally to him as a dog. Ugh, it is exhausting!!! AND I hate it when she is moaning (really, she was moaning) and whimpering and I have no idea what hurts or what to sucks.

Not that it is the same as having a kid who can't talk, but feels similar. The best part? She has 2 weeks of NO movement and then an additional 6 weeks of minimal movement. 8 weeks before we can begin to rehab her leg. 8 weeks.

And then we get to do it again on the right leg.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Baby Girl

She's doing fine, the Dr. said that the surgery went great. Her tendon was holding on by a strand, so just in time. Thank you all for the well wishes and good thoughts. Now on to recovery. She'll be spending the night in the hospital and coming home tomorrow am. Yippee!!

Baby Girl

Well, the baby girl is in the animal hospital, we took her in, met the new surgeon and he took her back to the back. Her surgery will probably be around 2-3 today, so we'll hear after that. Now I just have to not think about it all day. I'm going to bring Fido in to work this afternoon. He's already clingy after we got back without Fifi. I believe in good energy so please think of my baby and send good thoughts.

I know some people say "Jeez, it's just a dog" but when it's all you have, as little children will never reside in this household, those four footed furry babies ARE the kids. MY babies, and I spoil them and worry about them. So, good thoughts...please send. Thanks.

The pups at 5 months, who can resist??

Friday, November 13, 2009

Retail Therapy

I believe in it, I do it, I love it. I can't afford it, but that's just a detail. Some days when I'm really down I'll just go into a store and feel the clothes or play with the gadgets. Even that helps. I haven't had to do it lately...thank goodness. Although I still love a day of shopping, even if it's window. I have a feeling that next Thursday, the 19th, I'm going to need some therapy.

My baby girl, Fifi, is having surgery to repair the tendon in her knee. I will drop her off on Thursday morning after I meet the new surgeon and she will be staying overnight at the hospital. So very sad...I don't think Fido has spent a night without her since they were 4 weeks old. I may have to bring him into work with me...for both of us. *sigh* They are the babies....

In other news...I am feeling better about my triathlon decisions for next year. Like I said, I just had to make the choice and move on. In some ways I thought I was letting someone down, which is again ridiculous, as the only person that I can let down is myself. Now I just have to decide if I will do the Olympic in March and April, March and May or April and May...more decisions.

My office mate has today and Monday off, and it's making my day really, really long, even though I'm slammed busy...which is perhaps why I'm goofing off a little and writing this "nothing" blog. :) Yep, I practice avoidance...I'm pretty close to mastering it!

This weekend I'll be in San Antonio cheering on Trainer as he attempts his PR 1/2 marathon time. I'm very excited. The only thing I'm nervous about is navigating the course so I can see him a couple of times and offer my support in the only way I can....yell like crazy and make him push it to the limit! Okay, I suppose I'll wrap this up and get back to work. Maybe I can even scoot out of here right at 5...we'll see.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sleepless morning...

I woke up with a start at 3:50am. 'What the heck is going on??' is what I was thinking when I heard the sounds of paws and nails scurrying across our tile floor, across the house to the doggy door. Dear Lord...why do opossums have to come out twice a year? Why must they cross through our yard on the top of the fence, keeping my little buddy up ALL night long just staring out the window...waiting. Waiting to jump up on the fence and snag one down by the tail. (When Fido stands up he's just under six feet.) After snagging it he shakes it from side to side while Trainer and I are frantically putting on clothes and shoes trying to get out there before something really bad happens. As always our 'little buddy' stands guard over his catch and pretends like he can't hear or see us. Almost like a three year old....'if I pretend maybe they'll just go away!'

No such luck for our little bud. I blocked him from the opossum and Trainer was ready with the leash. We got him inside and closed the dog door. I went out this morning and the critter was gone, I didn't even have to chuck it over the fence. (Thank goodness because it's really, really, really gross.) I couldn't go back to sleep and of course Fido will sleep all day...

I've been cleared to exercise on the elliptical, maybe I'll go home at lunch and grab my gym bag, get in a workout before Trainer comes home tonight. OR maybe I'll go back to Sephora and buy that makeup kit that I've been adoring since Saturday...hmmm....choices.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


That is how I'm feeling today. I'm fighting a sore throat/cold thing that my officemate's daughter keeps bringing into the office (irritating!!!) and I'm fighting my internal dilemma, you know...the usual what's "right and responsible" vs "what I want."

I just got back from a 30 min sucky bike ride. I haven't been on my bike in almost a month. How those muscles do forget....yeah, it sucks. I'm feeling super flabby, not helped by the illin' feelin'. I'm out of the boot, however this week I'm still not supposed to do much. I swam once, then was sick so decided it best not to push it, and then today I rode. I'm balancing on that edge of falling out of shape. I hate this place. I start craving crappy food and I start overeating. Luckily I've caught myself within days of the pattern developing. Eating because I'm bored and can't stupid is that? But I know it's common (doesn't excuse it) and at least I am stopping the madness today.

So, besides feeling crappy I have this dilemma that I mentioned. I know the right answer, I know what I should do and then I should just STOP and relax as the real decision has already been made. My T3 (triathlon group) Coach and I sat down on Monday after practice and discussed my triathlon goals for the next season. I'm going to start the whole program in January (right now I'm just participating in the coached swim session.) That means that 6-7 days a week I will be in coached training session trying to improve my performance in the sport of triathlon. My idea was to do the Texas Tri-Series which is a 5 race series that starts in May (I think) and ends with a 70.3 (Half Ironman) in October. Here were his suggestions:

1. The Champions race in March (Olympic distance)
2. Either the Lonestar (Oly) or Cap Tex Tri (also Oly)
3. Do a half marathon after that
4. THEN do the Vineman 70.3 in July

I was super excited and nervous of course because I'm basically starting from scratch again (with the exception of swimming.) Well, the Vineman 70.3 is in Sonoma County, CA, it goes around four vineyards and is supposed to be an awesome event. Everyone that I mentioned it to said, "Oh, you'll love that race! Such a great course and you'll have a good time." I was pretty pumped. Then I looked it up and the race entry is $$, which I knew b/c all the 1/2 ironmans are the same price. Then I looked up bike transport and it is $$. Then I looked up hotels and B&Bs in the area...yep...$$. Add in airfare for both Trainer and I (I would HAVE to have him there, no question) and food...well, we're looking at over a grand. We could have possibly made it into a vacation...where I raced and was tired and spent most of our money before we got to the vacation part. Trainer and I talked about it and he said, "If you want to do it, then do it." But, I got the vibe that he wasn't really for it (or against it), and not as pumped as I was. Of course he would be spectating and not racing and that does make a difference.

Then I started having anxiety ridden dreams about the race. (Bad sign when I haven't even signed up yet.) And I started thinking about what else we could do with that getting me a new bike, or painting the house, or a new TV (ours is about done), or...or...or...and the list goes on. Could I really be that selfish and do this race and spend that much money knowing that we have all these other things on the 'list'? Could I put myself above all of that??? The answer, as we all know (well, if you know me), is no. So, I'm going back to Coach and telling him that I'll have to stay in-state this year and maybe next year I can do something out of state. We can save up for it, plan for it. You know, I really hate being responsible and not having unlimited resources.

I always wanted to race out of state, both of us. Maybe this next year we can have Trainer do an out of state 1/2 marathon and next year I can do an out of state triathlon. Maybe...we'll see. Well, time to shower up and get ready for my massage. Then off to take YZB out for her b-day lunch/shopping trip/beer. :) That'll make me feel will.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


I was going to do a day by day recap, but that would have made this post like three pages long and I'm sure your coffee breaks aren't that long. (Or my stories that interesting!) SO, I'm going to try my hand at picture blogging. Let's see if I can make this work.
The pups were very sad before we left. In fact Fido (not pictured) spent the night with his paw on our suitcase.Our flight was a little delayed getting in, but nothing too severe, everyone arrived eventually and by 7 we were eating dinner at the resort.
The next day we went into town, which has changed SO much in the 10 years since we've been gone. They have a Costco, a Home Depot...and yes people...a WalMart. We ate lunch in town and had those fabulous fish and shrimp tacos that I had been craving and yes Corona must be consumed while eating these tacos:
Tuesday night we had a nice dinner at the resort, celebrating MIL's husband's birthday, and then we went to sleep as we were exhausted. Wednesday we just hung out at the resort pool, had some lunch and beers.

Then that night we had dinner on-site, nothing spectacular. Thursday we spent another day by the pool (trying to get rid of my practice swimsuit lines) and then that night we went to dinner at the place where we were married 10 years prior. The restaurant had changed hands and was very different, but the view was just as beautiful. Two pics, the first a full look at the sexy sunset colored dress that YZB helped me pick out and the second of the view:

That was our "date night" since we were literally surrounded by parents. And I'm not parents and grandma stayed Yeah. Nice. So Friday was the ceremony and it was also the day that we learned that a hurricane was headed our way and was supposed to be there by Monday. Trainer's mom and her husband didn't want to get stuck there so they were frantically trying to get a hold of the airline and get the heck out of there early. My parents were like "eh, let's see what happens" and we were just like, "seriously??" so this is what we did:

Until it was time to do this:

And then this:

And then we went to the restaurant and had dinner and cake:

Rockin cake!

And then Saturday through Monday we chilled at the resort. We had a great time, not really relaxing. In fact as we were waiting for the shuttle in Austin, the one that takes you to your car, we both sighed at the same time, hugged and then said, "I think this is the most relaxed I've been this entire trip!" Trainer agreed. We got home to new tile and a bit of a mess from the tile. So we spent two hours cleaning house when we got home. The tile does look good though. And the next morning I got to pick up these furry babies (can you see the smiles?):

To celebrate 10 years was awesome. I would climb every hill over again (well almost every hill) if I knew that I would end up here in this place, happy with my husband, life and most important...happy with myself.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I'm a slacker...I know, I know

However my vacation post will have to wait one more day. Let's just say that vacationing with your parents should be followed by a another vacation. :) Here are some highlights since we've been back:

-Work is annoyingly busy.

-Fifi the pup lost 7 pounds and needs to lose another 7 in the next month before surgery.

-I'm down to 155lbs, no idea how this happened, but I'll take it!

-I've been paranoid for no reason these past two weeks...ask Trainer, he's so not loving it.

-I swam for the first time in three weeks yesterday, I suck again (okay, not really, but I'm back to being slow!)

-I have one more week in the boot and then I start PT! Very exciting news.

-Did I mention that work is annoying?

That's it for now kids. I'll give a blow by blow, or at least the highlights of vacation soon. Here's a pic for y'all:

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Almost....on vacation

I hate packing...LOVE vacation, but hate the stress that precedes the trip. Making all the arrangements for the pups, making sure everything at work is going to be okay, Dr's appts, waxing appts (VERY important), trying to get a workout or two in (yes, even when ill) and finally packing. I try to make lists, but then they are put to the wayside and I always end up forgetting something. Also, I take a crap load of clothes and usually end up in bathing suits for 90% of the trip. Oh well...

I'm thinking I need to go to Borders to get more books. I have two right now, although I do have a closet full of unread books upstairs that I should go through. We're trying not to spend money. Which means that I'll be giving myself a pedicure before the trip. $35 dollar savings. We are eating at home this weekend, spent $50 at the store for food plus airline food (Lara bars and such), but I figure it saved us at least $70 in lunch plus dinner expense.

While we're gone we are having our bathrooms re-tiled as well as the kitchen back splash. When I was cleaning on my "rest day" before the race I decided to do the bathrooms and ended up pushing in three or four of the tiles in the shower...I mean, we wanted to get it re-tiled eventually, just not at the same time as our Fifi's surgery. What else...oh yes, I had to spend over $300 on a new battery for the truck as it died on me at my Dr's office last week. I had let my AAA lapse and then of course I needed a tow. Cha-ching! So a one hundred dollar battery turned into a three hundred dollar battery. And then of course the expense of the renewal ceremony. Which if we knew that no one was going to be able to come (except for our parents) we wouldn't have spent so much money. BUT, it will be a nice deal and we'll have great pictures...right....really, it's going to be beautiful.

Bottom line - we are broke. Happy, but broke. Sad that all of my savings are gone and that I have to start re-building my emergency fund. Happy that we'll have newer looking bathrooms and a puppy that can stand on both of her back legs again and isn't in constant pain. That just means (for those that live here) that I'm not turning you down for HH or dinner because we're boring (although we can be) it's just that we really have no extra money. We will gladly entertain at our house and community dinners and drinks at a house always work. Don't worry Big Country (you know who you are) we are saving some for your b-day celebration.

Wow, sorry...when I started writing today I thought it would be all light and fluffy and funny. Ha, not so much huh? Well, I'm sure that I will have some great stories (that are bound to be funny) when I return from our vacation with Trainer, his mom and her husband, and my parents and grandma. Yeah, it has to be funny...or I'll be posting from a jail cell in Cabo San Lucas. Peace to y'all!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Of course this would happen!

Just four days away from my getting on a plane, with a walking cast/boot on, but still...on a plane to Mexico with my husband. Four days away from sitting by the pool, sunning, reading and listening to the rolling waves of the ocean. Four days away from standing in line for Sammy Hagar tickets at Cabo Wabo. Four days from eating shrimp tacos from a street vendor and shopping for trinkets to decorate the house. Four days from drinking Corona with lime on our balcony that overlooks the ocean and watching the sunset.

And what happens? I get sick. That's right. My throat is swollen, I have a headache and my back is starting to ache. I'm running a low grade fever, just 100.1 right now, but I usually run at 97.2. Yesterday I tried to convince myself that it was just allergies, that maybe I'd had a reaction to the squash that I ate Tuesday evening. When my appetite wasn't there (and it's never missing in action) and I didn't want coffee I knew. I knew that I was getting sick. But I worked all day, made my chiro appointment and finished what I could.

I went home last night and drank a cup of Theraflu, crawled into bed at 6 and woke up at 8 not knowing where I was. I had drooled all over the pillow. I got up and made dinner, we had breakfast for dinner and Trainer kept telling me to go back to bed, but I felt bad that I didn't have dinner ready when he arrived home. He brought me some Emergen-C and I drank two of those, more water and then finally some Calm, which puts you out. Of course I was up through the night having to go to the bathroom and this morning I feel a little better, but still like I can't swallow anything more than liquids.

Right now I'm trying to work from home and take care of as much as I can from here. Drinking my coffee so I don't get the caffeine headache on top of everything else. I feel so guilty about being sick because I'll be out all next week and my office-mate already has to cover me for that period of time. But, then again, she was the one who got me sick. It actually started with her daughter, who probably got it from school. They were sick last week...I thought I had missed the bullet...nope. Not that lucky I suppose.

The other thing that sucks??? I can't work out, I mean...I was limited before, but now I can't even swim! One - I have no energy, Two - I don't think I could breathe, and Three - I don't want to get the other athletes sick since they're all training for the Longhorn 70.3 that is coming up on October 25th. I guess since I can't really eat I won't gain weight? Is that my trade off??

Alright, enough of my pity party...I should get back to bed and rest. Drink more Emergen-C and Theraflu. Sheesh...just my luck.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Kind of gross...

My mother would be appalled...the things that I have learned. If you're a regular reader you might be thinking, 'Dear Lord, what is she going to talk about NOW?' It's nothing like what you might be thinking. The gross things that I am talking about have to do with everything that our mom's taught us NOT to do as little girls. All of those 'rules' kind of went out the window as soon as I started doing endurance events.

My running partners and I talk about our bowel movements, you kind of have to when your stomach starts cramping in the middle of a 10 mile run and you have to make a pit stop at the nearest convenience store, or coffee shop where you almost back up the toilet. (That was embarrassing!)

When I run sometimes I'm gassy and I just let 'em go, now I really only do this when I'm running on my own...I wouldn't subject my running partners to that.

I spit, big hocking lugies (is that even a word??) to the side of the road. AND now I've learned this new to blow out your nose while riding the bike. Yep, gross, gross, gross...and I'm so proud of myself. I used to chastise Trainer for these things...especially the last one. However as I found myself out on a 30 mile ride with no tissues and a constant running nose, I finally tried his little trick and there was relief!

It really is gross though. There's no going back now though. I'm stuck being a gross girl.

Today I went on a 25 mile bike ride, in the morning, before it got really humid and the rain started. It was wonderful. I hit this turning point, not sure when, but 20 miles is now my short ride. Probably really bad for my foot, but good for my psyche. It's throbbing in my boot, but I'm still smiling.

Can you believe that next week I'll finally be on vacation, to renew my vows with Trainer? I've been talking about this for almost a year. I tried on my dress this morning, it looks really pretty I think. I'll need Yoga Zen Babe to come over and take another look just to make sure. I'll definitely need to sun bathe to get rid of my suit lines from swim practice. I know, I know...I'll wear sunscreen...the last thing I want is to burn!

Anyway, random babbling...must mean it's time to go watch the ASU Devils hopefully beat up the OSU Beavers. Our Alma Maters. Go Devils!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Well...I jinxed myself. My foot issue turned out to be a little more serious than I thought. I partially tore and strained my peroneal tendons in my right foot. No running, no swimming unless I use a buoy and no cycling. I'm in a flippin boot for a minimum of 8 weeks, which means that I'll be bringing this sexy thing to Mexico with me. Isn't that grand? As if wearing old lady compression stockings on the plane wasn't enough. Fuh.

I had a really nice chat with my Hoe tonight. She's so funny...very talented, goofy, smart, sexy and sassy all rolled up in one beautiful person. I think she's feeling guilty because she's not going to the ceremony, although she didn't say that, but that was what she was trying to say. I can see through her like a Spring cleaned window. She truly is my sister. The past couple of days she's been thinking about me and getting all emotional (she's a Cancer, water, she can't help it) and I tell her that she's being silly. She finally read my blog and saw all of the things that I've been doing and going through, and was upset that she wasn't there for me.

But what she should know by now is that she's always there for me, she's in my head and in my heart. And I know that it's the same for her. Sadly for her she hears every sceptical word I might say before she makes a purchase and my tsk, tsking when she's being mean. She imagines my eye roll when someone makes a stupid comment and hears me snicker when she sees a goofy outfit. People tell her that she can't call me her best friend because we don't talk every day...I say eff those people, she can call me what ever she wants. I'm sad that she won't be with me for the ceremony, but I won't make her feel bad about it. (And believe me I could, I can guilt that girl like no other!)

The ceremony has turned out to be a small affair with my parents, my grandma, his mom and her husband (who has always been a mentor to Trainer.) I'm still excited and it will be nice to relax for 8 days. And no...I won't be wearing this effing boot to the pool or at the ceremony...can you imagine?

Oh, and I'm going to keep cycling. Two or more additional weeks of therapy is a fair trade for my sanity.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

10 years...and forever to go

My good friend Yoga Zen Babe told me that this is what her husband wrote in the card that he gave her for their three year anniversary. 'And forever to go'- I guess it could come across negatively, but I love the statement.

Trainer and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary last night. Much like we did 10 years ago, sans the ocean, audience of loved ones and food poisoning. It's almost tradition at this point, we always have pizza, and then go to bed, to sleep. Then, the next morning we 'celebrate' before getting out of bed. Tonight we'll go out, nothing fancy, and I'll probably have a margarita, or a Corona.

10 years, a mix of bliss and bitter times. The roller coaster of all relationships. The realization that marriage is HARD and it takes work. That you may not always like your partner, and there are times when they might not like you, and even times when you don't like yourself, but you love each other and that is what gets you though. The acceptance of the good and the bad, the light and the dark. One person is never more important than the other, never ever more important than the relationship.

Trainer got me the same card as last year and he did it on purpose. He says that it's a classic. On the inside it says, 'You know what I love about you?' and on the inside it says, 'Simply Everything!'

We both reminisced in our respective cards, writing down our memories and knowing that we've helped each other grow as individuals, which made us a stronger couple. Like that other saying, 'That which doesn't kill us will only make us stronger'..well, we're both still alive...that's a good sign right? Haha!

I don't claim to have any relationship advice, none, nada, but just remember that no one is perfect...including yourself.

On the bench

I'm pissed. In my last post I mentioned that 'at least I wasn't injured' and I should have bit my tongue. My right foot swelled up this week and by Wednesday I couldn't bear weight on it. So, I went to the Dr. on Thursday to get an x-ray to make sure that nothing was broken. Fortunately nothing is -broken. Now I have to wait until Wednesday to see the Sports medicine Dr. and see what I can do to get back to running and riding.

I guess I'll really learn how to become a proficient swimmer...ha!ha! And I guess this will be a good time to start on my core work AND strength training, which I've been avoiding.

Lemonade... lemonade... lemonade.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Post race blues

A phenomenon that hits many athletes after their "A" race or event. And it has once again hit me. The months leading up to the event are filled with purpose, every day. Even when you have a rest day you know that it's there for a reason. The big day comes, you finish, you relish in the accomplishment, and then you say, "What now?" I've gone through this before, I remember these feelings. After both half marathons, and I just don't remember how I shook it. Lucky for me, this time I just have a sore foot. I had an ankle fraction after my last half and walked in a boot for two months.

Next...what should I do next? A long ride -there's a 60 miler coming up, but would that be too easy? Should I do another half marathon? OR should I try to do some 'off-season' conditioning? The only problem with that? I need a schedule. A template. A guide. I don't necessarily like being told what to do, but I love the structure.

And here I sit, with my coffee, in my recliner, all the windows open, listening to the lovely rain. I should put my rain jacket on and ride. Or I could even go to the gym and swim. OR (crazy idea) I could even do some strength training! This is the hard part though... just getting up to do it. I feel like if I take time off I'II end up where I started, losing all that fitness and muscle that took MONTHS to create.

On a less depressing note, I bought our plane tickets to Cabo! The ceremony will be small, but I don't mind. Y'all are invited. Oct. 12th through 19th. Ceremony on the 16th. Good times, and I'm buying drinks (margs) afterward!

Alright, enough whining, I'm going to gear up and head out, even if it's just for an hour. Hardcore Moore, that's my nickname, I should try to live up to it. Peace out!

***update: Went on 20 mile ride in the rain. Here's me in my super cool gear...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

And so it came...and went (long, grab your coffee)

The big race, the big day, my big accomplishment. Done. And what a race, day and accomplishment it was...

The day started way too early, 4am, and I'm not a morning person...more like a mid-day afternoon kind of gal. Anyway, I got up, started the coffee and was startled by Trainer as he was sleeping/dozing on the couch b/c he was up at 3:30am and didn't want to wake me up. He made my oatmeal and started toasting the bread for the race. What? Yeah, the last race he went to (as my race support) he had all of my stuff in the backpack, but nothing for himself. No food, no water and no sunscreen. So this time I made lists, one for my stuff and one for his. That way he had food, drink, sunscreen and an extra shirt in case he got too hot. I mean, we were out there for almost 7 hours.

We arrived downtown at 5:30am, I decided that we should park a little ways away from the race so we had an easy exit. Always important. My bike was already in the transition area since we had to check it in the day before. (There were more than 3,000 participants so that was a necessity.) As we walked towards the race area I was calm, which was bizarre since I had been freaking out every time I heard the word 'race' for the past two weeks. I guess my mind came to the realization that there was no more that I could do, no more training or mental was here. It was really dark out so they had spotlights at the body marking area. I stepped up and had '292' put on my quads, my arms and my age '36' on the back of my calf.

I was checked into the transition area with my helmet and wristband (only athletes allowed) and went forward calmly to find my bike. I had racked it on the 5th rack to the, two, three, four and five...there we were, towards the back where there were only 2 other bikes. Each segment can have up to 6 bikes, after you lay out your towel with two pairs of shoes, your bike helmet, bike sunglasses, energy gels, running shoes, socks, visor and running sunglasses it's a bit tight. So it was nice with just the 3 on my rack. I pumped up my tires and went back out to find Trainer and to wait. And wait. And wait. My wave didn't start until 8am.

The race officially started at 7am and boy were they on time. Shawn Colvin sang the national anthem (and then probably went back to bed) and they started the 'open wave' for the elite athletes and anyone who thought they could keep up...haha. I ate half of a pb&j as I still had an hour to go and the oatmeal that I had at 4:15 was no longer going to help me get through this mile swim. We stood at the transition between the swim and bike and watched the elites come out of the water in 20!! Then I saw a couple of people from my training group and chatted about nothing ...then it was time to go up to the bank of the water. I watched the 30-34yr olds get into the water and we counted down the start of their wave. I put on my red cap, got my goggles on and headed on to the dock. With about two minutes to go we were told to jump in the water and get ready. As we tread water nerves just started wreaking havoc inside my gut. We heard the countdown - 7..6..5..4..3..2..1...and the blare of the horn.

Here's where it gets real. Of course open water is different as there is nothing to kick off of and no bottom to touch, you just go. I was in the mid-pack so I was getting kicked and bumped, and that was expected, however I had a minor melt down...mentally. I started taking in water and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see...I really started freaking out. In my head I was about 2 seconds from throwing in the towel, my mind was saying 'What the eff were you thinking, you can't do this!!! Swim back now' and then saying, 'Just flip over, breath, get it together. You WILL finish this!!' So I flipped on to my back, looked up at the sky and took in air, I just floated for a bit, moving my arms to propel me forward. Then I turned over and swam, not worrying about the 30-40 women in front of me of the 30-40 who would soon be in the water overtaking me. I am a slow swimmer, I know that, I'm okay with that. It's just mentally tough being okay with that in the midst of a race.

The first 700(ish) meters were a little shaky, and then I rounded the first big triangle buoy and started across the lake, made it to the second big triangle buoy and headed back to the start. I kept myself focused by mentally coaching myself. I was thinking, 'What would coach Mo say right now? What would coach Suzanne tell you about your stroke right now?' and that kept me sane and going until I saw the last big triangle buoy. I made the turn and swam to the ramp, which was very steep and they had to help us out of the water. (THANK YOU VOLUNTEERS!) My 1 mile swim was done.

My transition out of the water to the bike was decent. I ran (jogged) all the way to my bike, counted in my head - 1, 2, 3, 4 and I am! The hardest part was putting on my socks. No matter how many times I wiped off my feet they were still wet and dirty (gross..I know), but I got them on. Put on my helmet next because if you touch your bike without it on you can be dq'd. Then the sunglasses, then put the gels in my jersey, unzipped the jersey a little and took off trotting to the 'mount' line. Note, the transition area was terrible, it's been so dry here in Austin that the area around the lake has been turned into to soft dirt where there used to be grass. It was similar to running in sand. And in cycling cleats...well, it was challenging. Seriously...what about this race wasn't challenging??? Anyway, the ride was great. I felt strong on the bike, it's my favorite part of course, and I ripped up and down the course, 25 miles.

We rode up and down Congress, all the way to the Capitol and back down. We looped three times and each time I was faster. I think a little too fast as I was to find out in the next segment. The transition from bike to running was okay. We had to repeat running in the sand like dirt all the way to the end where my rack was. Then I swapped out my cleats for my running shoes, my helmet for my visor and my cycling shades for my running shades. I took one last swig of water and was on my way to run 6.2 miles. Now, prepare to jump inside my head...

I can do this. Repeat. I can do this. Repeat. Really? Can I do this? Dear lord, why is there no shade on the 'effin course? Who the 'eff designed this trail course in the middle of an extreme drought? No really, I can do this. Seriously. Do it. Nope, gotta walk....NO you will run. You call this running?? Hey, it's one foot in front of the other right? Ummm, yeah...more like shuffling, what are you like 90 years old? Who are those people over there? What are they shouting?? Oh really? You think that by yelling, 'At least it's not 105 degrees, it could be hotter!!', makes it better for us? Really? I think I could expend the rest of my energy by kicking their ass!! No, no, no...turn the corner and go up the hill. WHO put this HILL here??? (In reality it was a slight incline) Oh...look up there, people with soaked sponges!! Grab one, no two....ahhh, nice cold water down the shirt and on the head. Thank you, thank you sweet volunteers....and look - WATER! It's okay to walk when you drink the water. But now you're No, YES, Downhill, I love down hill, except now it's taking up energy and now it's hot again. Where the FUCK is the shade??? Mother trucker race people...really, who designed this course? And I have to do it again.

Oh look, another water station, right in front of 85% of the spectators (because there was shade), and they'll watch me walk. Oh well...I don't care. I'll walk the rest. NO.YOU.WON'T! Fine!!! Shuffle along then. And over the bridge we go. The Democrat! I see a friend and she's waving to me and smiling...and I say, 'I'm miserable, this is HARD!' Nothing like the truth on the course right?? And back through to the start. There is a sign that points in two directions, 1. FINISH - YOU'RE DONE! and 2. Second lap for the Olympic. Crap. I really want this to be over. Nope, one more lap. You can do this. LOOK, there's Trainer with the camera, pose! Look happy for goodness sake! Great, I'm past him...and now there's water...walking is okay during water. No one can see me anyway. Fine, fine, fine....shuffle, let's get to shuffling.

Up and down that silly incline again, bastards. OMG I have to pee, I have to pee really bad. Look, there's a bush right there... NO PEEING IN PUBLIC! Oh, come on...I really have to go. NO, no peeing in public and that is final. You only have 2 miles to go. Fine. I'll hold it. Sheesh. Last water stop...I'm so thirsty, but I have to pee....I'll just take a sip. And look The Democrat jumps out to run with me. Bless her heart...I need this. She's talking about her pup. She's trying to distract me...but she's pacing too fast. I walk, I apologize to her for walking...what? Right, what do I have to apologize for. I've been running for 4.5 miles! She goes over the bridge with me and I tell her to leave me at the curb, I want to bring this in on my own so she pops out. These little kids have their hands out to high five me, I manage to hit all 4. And then I see that sign again and turn to the FINISH!!! I see more people that I know! I see the finish banner!! I see THE END! EFF YEAH BABY! I did it! I actually did it! And now I don't have to pee...what the heck...

Sorry, that was long and I'm sure you didn't want to delve too far into the inner workings of my brain during the race, but seriously the last miles were so mental. I was mental. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've run 1/2 marathons, walked a full, rode 160 miles in two days...and this was definitely the hardest. 1 mile swim, 25 mile bike and a 6.2 mile run... 3 hours, 23 min and 52 seconds.

I came out of it okay. I think I hurt my right foot, I'll give it through the weekend to heal up before consulting with someone. We got back to the car (the walk back was really, really, really long) and I changed into a running skirt. (off with the wet shorts!) Then we went and had pancakes at Austin Java (my favorite breakfast place) and then I went home, showered and slept. Had a massage, ate a burger, drank a beer and slept some more. Now...on to the next challenge. What should it be? What's your next life challenge??

Monday, August 31, 2009

Bring on those lemons....

...'cause I LOVE me some lemonade!

What? I'm sure that is what you are asking yourself. Well today started a new swim schedule for the group that I've been swimming with. I really didn't want to do more than 1800m today as this is my taper week so I decided to go to the gym and swim by myself. Ugh, the water was cold as I'm used to swimming outside at noon when it is 100 degrees (or close to it) and that helps the water feel refreshing. Not so much. So I started off, my first 200m being sloppy as they always are until I get into a rhythm. I ended up doing my 1800m, which made me feel better as I'm freaking out about the tri.

Anyway, when swimming with the group we use a facility called the Courtyard Tennis Club (fancy schmancy) and they have a nice locker room...complete with hairdryers so I don't have to lug mine around. gym does NOT have hair dryers and there is that I can go without blow drying my hair into a style. It's too short and too dysfunctional. That meant that I had to go home after my swim. Luckily my home, work and gym are all within 5 miles of each other. Trainer had jury duty today and apparently it ended early as the Tahoe was in the driveway. I walk in and it's pretty quiet, the dogs greet me at the door and Trainer is nowhere in sight. I walk a little further in and see that the tv is on, ESPN and Trainer is just waking up on the couch. Nice huh? He didn't even have to get up early this morning (early for him is like 4:30am!)

I said, "So...whatcha up to dude?" (yes, just like that) and he said, *yawn* "Just got up...took a nap." I said, "Must be nice!" and then went about my business of drying my hair before it froze into something that couldn't be undone. After I was finished he came up behind me and was being...frisky. So, I played along (I don't think he expected me to) and got him into bed. ;) FUN! The best part was that I was already late getting back to work and I really didn't care. I'll just work a little later... To top it all off he made me a latte for my drive back to work. Two of my favorite things...ahhh, and all because things didn't go exactly as planned. I love when that happens.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

A year in review

So, I'm 36 now...birthday has come and gone with very little hoop-la. And I'm okay with that. It doesn't really feel like my birthday this year as I said in my last blog. Yoga Zen Babe thinks that maybe I'm growing up. Ha, I don't think that's the case, I just think my focus is on the race. Sports Mama asked me if I was doing anything fun and I replied with, "No, because I really can't drink..." and she politely reminded me that we don't need to drink to have fun. I heard that once from my Soul Mate on our way to Mexico when we were 19...yeah, that didn't work out like we thought it would as I was drinking bottles of wine through a straw out of an ice bucket with The Director. I know, maturity has escaped me throughout my life.

I hope to have a new reader soon - Audrey. She's an old friend from HS. We weren't close then, she was a year older and had a cooler circle of friends. Sports Mama wanted me to put my blog link on my FB, thinking that people would just ignore it unless they were truly interested. I just can't take that chance. I have work people and relatives on my FB friends, who have time on their hands...lot's of time. Anyway, I like to keep my semi-anonymous blog close to the vest. So, with that said, please give a warm welcome to Audrey. And yes, the blog does get interesting some times. :)

Anyway, on to the meat of it all... 35 to 36 was good. Trainer and I learned a lot about each other throughout this year. Still learning... When I had my chart done in 2002 the astrologist said that our relationship was like a partnership and that we would learn lessons from each other throughout our lifetime. That has been pretty accurate over these 10 years. I believe that we've learned to appreciate each other in ways that we hadn't seen before. For him it was seeing my never-ending support of his whole person. The highs, the lows, the bright spots and most certainly the dark. For me it was seeing, finally seeing, that most of what he does around the house or during his day is to make my life easier. He rarely (if ever) makes the complaint that I don't do enough around the house. (Because we all know that I don't!!)

Work wise I have learned that I am still adaptable. I've also learned that I am the brightness in the office. Any office. When I went back to visit my friends in AZ a few years back I stopped by my old workplace. I stopped to say hello to everyone, as everyone was a friend, and a girl in the front said, "I forgot how much life you brought to this place." I didn't think to much of it at the time, but now at my new job I see that I am the glue there as well. I bring the lightness, the laughter (even when I'm all sorts of pissed off), and the compassion that is missing. I know that sounds totally conceited, but it's true. Maybe that is why I'm drawn to the sun, as in the three tattoos on my back. The sunshine is always with me as it is IN me. Hmmm...ponder that.

I have learned that my family really matters to me. This may seem like a 'duh' statement, but really...since I was 3 we've done nothing but move away from family and I continued that trend when I chose to go out of state to college and then again when I decided not to go back. And then again when we moved to Texas. In this past year I lost my grandfather and I was able to see my family all together for the first time in 5 years. Trainer's family came for Thanksgiving last fall. It was nice having them around and I crave that closeness more than I ever have. Our renewal ceremony is coming up and I'm thrilled that my parents and his parents will be there.

I've learned that I'm capable of anything, even if it is a physical/athletic thing. When I was on my ride yesterday I was chatting with this girl. I asked her how long she'd been doing triathlon and she said 4 years, but that she'd been an athlete her whole life. She asked me the same thing and I responded with, well...I just started doing this training in June, but I've been riding for 5 years and running since 2004 out of necessity. She asked if I did sports as a kid and I said, "No, I was a music geek turned music major." Then she asked if I was a music teacher and I said, "No, I went in to accounting." And that made her laugh. I never thought I could swim, actually sustain a freestyle stroke for longer than one length in the pool. And now I know I can.

And finally I've learned that my weight has nothing to do with anything. It doesn't make people like you better if you're lighter. It doesn't make someone love you more because there is less of you. Weight does not have to make or break the day, it is Just.A.Number. Living life and enjoying myself and not living in excess is the key to my happiness and my confidence.

Huh, maybe I am growing up after all.