Some days I realize that I'm a jackass

Yes, me...a jackass, selfish, self-centered and oblivious. Please, let me explain. See, some times I get really caught up in my own life, I think most of us do, however I do this when my very best friends are going through hell and back. They don't really NEED my support as all my girlfriends are powerhouse women who shoulder the world and then some, but it doesn't mean that they don't appreciate the support.

It seems this year has been riddled with difficult beginnings. I think I had all of my "difficulties" last year and I was just enjoying this year for being fabulous and filled with nothing but simple peace. Then I think about these things:

Sexy Hippy's baby was born with something, we still don't have real answers, but she came out of the womb like a wet noodle. Precious little babe, adorable and eyes that are so wise that you just know that this isn't her first go around. She was in the NICU for 10 long, excruciating, weeks. She's already had two major surgeries, one being a tracheotomy so her parents can't even hear her cry or babble. But they just look at her and she communicates with their hearts. SH has a toddler at home, a little cutie pie that is handling this with some grace that most of us don't possess. The baby was able to come home this week. I don't know how they do it, I mean obviously they ARE doing it, I just can't imagine how. I'm a jackass for being so far away and unable to help. I just send her loving sentences on Facebook of all thing...jeezus, what a jackass...Facebook.

Legs' baby boy #2 was born with a bilateral cleft lip and pallet. When you look at the scale from okay to worst case scenario he was the latter. But this baby boy is the sweetest, most charming baby I've ever met. I'm sure he gets the charm from his dad...swear to goodness it oozes out of his pores, and this baby...he has it, that gift of charm. He's been through five major surgeries this year (I think it's 5, it may be 6), the last one being on his birthday. One, I'm a super jackass for not sending a card for his 1st birthday and TWO, even more of a jackass for not knowing that he had this last surgery coming up. I mean, Legs is a mover, a shaker, a mommy with a purpose. She works full time at an oil company here in TX, which is high stress. She commutes over an hour each way and yet still makes it home in time to pick up both her boys from school/daycare with a smile on her face and an ear for her older toddler who has the vocabulary of a 6th grader. He's 3.

There are other stories of jackassedness (like that word?) but these two stand out. I think mostly because they are dealing with little beings that really can't communicate. It's hard enough when the baby is a newborn and all you can do is guess at what the cries are for (so I've been told, my babies scratch at the door), but when they can't make a sound...how hard is that?? When they just look at you with love in their eyes like THEY are trying to comfort YOU? How do they do it?

The kicker with these two cases? I know they read this superficial blog of mine. My trivial little stories. I don't know, maybe it helps by taking them away from the seriousness of their lives. Maybe they read my stories and laugh at the situations I find myself in? Maybe they celebrate with me when I've found the peace in my life that they've wanted for me for so long? I don't know what it is, but they always manage to write a kind word to me, to let me know that they are there for me. How fucking ridiculous right? THEY are there for ME? Seriously.

And I guess this is just my way of saying, I'm there for you too. I'm always here. If you need to call and just cry on the phone I can do that. If you need me to drive 3 hours in the night to take you out for a glass of wine, I can do that. If you need me to fly out to see you and take you out for a margarita (just one, you're still pumping after all!), I can do that. I can do whatever you need me to do my fabulous ladies, anything at all.