Saturday, November 7, 2009


That is how I'm feeling today. I'm fighting a sore throat/cold thing that my officemate's daughter keeps bringing into the office (irritating!!!) and I'm fighting my internal dilemma, you know...the usual what's "right and responsible" vs "what I want."

I just got back from a 30 min sucky bike ride. I haven't been on my bike in almost a month. How those muscles do forget....yeah, it sucks. I'm feeling super flabby, not helped by the illin' feelin'. I'm out of the boot, however this week I'm still not supposed to do much. I swam once, then was sick so decided it best not to push it, and then today I rode. I'm balancing on that edge of falling out of shape. I hate this place. I start craving crappy food and I start overeating. Luckily I've caught myself within days of the pattern developing. Eating because I'm bored and can't stupid is that? But I know it's common (doesn't excuse it) and at least I am stopping the madness today.

So, besides feeling crappy I have this dilemma that I mentioned. I know the right answer, I know what I should do and then I should just STOP and relax as the real decision has already been made. My T3 (triathlon group) Coach and I sat down on Monday after practice and discussed my triathlon goals for the next season. I'm going to start the whole program in January (right now I'm just participating in the coached swim session.) That means that 6-7 days a week I will be in coached training session trying to improve my performance in the sport of triathlon. My idea was to do the Texas Tri-Series which is a 5 race series that starts in May (I think) and ends with a 70.3 (Half Ironman) in October. Here were his suggestions:

1. The Champions race in March (Olympic distance)
2. Either the Lonestar (Oly) or Cap Tex Tri (also Oly)
3. Do a half marathon after that
4. THEN do the Vineman 70.3 in July

I was super excited and nervous of course because I'm basically starting from scratch again (with the exception of swimming.) Well, the Vineman 70.3 is in Sonoma County, CA, it goes around four vineyards and is supposed to be an awesome event. Everyone that I mentioned it to said, "Oh, you'll love that race! Such a great course and you'll have a good time." I was pretty pumped. Then I looked it up and the race entry is $$, which I knew b/c all the 1/2 ironmans are the same price. Then I looked up bike transport and it is $$. Then I looked up hotels and B&Bs in the area...yep...$$. Add in airfare for both Trainer and I (I would HAVE to have him there, no question) and food...well, we're looking at over a grand. We could have possibly made it into a vacation...where I raced and was tired and spent most of our money before we got to the vacation part. Trainer and I talked about it and he said, "If you want to do it, then do it." But, I got the vibe that he wasn't really for it (or against it), and not as pumped as I was. Of course he would be spectating and not racing and that does make a difference.

Then I started having anxiety ridden dreams about the race. (Bad sign when I haven't even signed up yet.) And I started thinking about what else we could do with that getting me a new bike, or painting the house, or a new TV (ours is about done), or...or...or...and the list goes on. Could I really be that selfish and do this race and spend that much money knowing that we have all these other things on the 'list'? Could I put myself above all of that??? The answer, as we all know (well, if you know me), is no. So, I'm going back to Coach and telling him that I'll have to stay in-state this year and maybe next year I can do something out of state. We can save up for it, plan for it. You know, I really hate being responsible and not having unlimited resources.

I always wanted to race out of state, both of us. Maybe this next year we can have Trainer do an out of state 1/2 marathon and next year I can do an out of state triathlon. Maybe...we'll see. Well, time to shower up and get ready for my massage. Then off to take YZB out for her b-day lunch/shopping trip/beer. :) That'll make me feel will.


Heidi said...

I am so sorry that you are having a down day. I am so impressed that you are doing all of this, even if it is just in the thinking process at the moment. The closest I have ever come to running a race is when I was potty training my 3 girls. Yeah, did a lot of running then. Just kidding.
I understand the delemia of want vs need. Its a very hard decision to make, but I think you're on the right track. Keep your chin up and it will all turn out ok in the end.
Thanks for stopping by to visit me today!

totegirl said...

GRRR. Why can't we just be independently wealthy? That'd be fun! I know you are bummed. It's not that hype to be responsible. But it WILL be so much more fun if Trainer does it too next time!

So yeah, either way, I am in complete awe and bow down to your bad-assness. I looked at the tri training at they Y, and just realized that I am about a year away from that kind of confidence! Thanks for the inspiration, though. I've been lax lately!