Addictions

I'm an addict, I know it and I know that it's a problem. When I have it I'm euphoric. I can't stop thinking about it, I put off thing such as working out, cooking, shopping, cleaning...normal life gets put on hold when I have one. And when it's done I get depressed, looking for my next high, the next best thing. It takes me away from this world that I live in. It invades my every thought...I can't function with it, yet I can't imagine life without it. Trainer enables my addiction. He supplied me with my latest hit at Christmas. He knows how wrapped up I can get while in the midst, yet he still finds me the best stuff. Gives it to me freely, knowing that real life will cease while I have it.

I'm addicted to books, and I know that I'm not alone. I find comfort in that. My addiction started when I was 8 years old. That was when I read my first novel, well...I thought is was a novel, it was over 400 pages. I started reading it because someone close to my family promised me a calligraphy pen if I finished. I read my next book because I realized at that young age that I could be someone else for a little while. I fell in love with the written word, and my love became something else.

This latest 'high' is amazing. I find myself thinking about it all the time. Trainer bought me the first two books of the Twilight series for X-mas. All day Thursday I looked at the book spines, I would pick it up, flip through the pages and inhale that paper and ink smell. I love the feel of a new book, one that has been untouched, a virgin book, my virgin book. I resisted all the way until 9pm. I thought I would just read a little to help me get to sleep, that works for most people, not for me, not when it's good. The next time I looked at the clock it was a little past midnight and I was through with a third of the book. I could have stayed up until I finished, but I chose sleep. I finished it on Friday.

I told myself that I wasn't going to start book 2 until I joined the gym. That was going to be my incentive. But like every other addict those are empty promises. I resisted all day, tried to make myself busy around the house. The need struck me again at bed time, 9:30 this time. Just a chapter, just one, then I'll put it down. I'll go to the gym tomorrow. I looked at the clock and it was 12:30am. Dammit, I did it again. I woke up Saturday and rolled over, grabbed the book, thirsty for just a couple more chapters. Eventually I had to get up and feed the pups. I also had to get ready for my personal training session with Trainer. I was forced out of the house, but I took my book with me. Addictions, they invade your every thought...'what's going to happen now...who will die....will he ever come back...'

Not every book is the same. You have your filler books that you can pick up and put down. And then you have the premium stuff, the stuff that just takes you away, far away, it captures your soul...just for a while, and it stays with you, sometimes changing who you are.

I haven't picked up the book today. I told myself I had to write first. So here I am. Jonesing. Waiting until I can run my hand down that spine and open it to where I left off. Waiting to escape into a different world.

Christmas 2008

Merry Christmas all!! What a wonderful day I had today. It is 8:30pm in Austin and I am still in the same clothes that I put on this morning after I got out of bed. No shower, my hair is still sticking up in places and I've only been out of this comfy chair to cook and eat. We had Brassy over for x-mas eve and then most of the day today. It was fabulous. Her little mini-me was with her dad this Christmas so we took her in and made her our honorary child for the day. :)

We were pretty good this year, we didn't overspend, I have a bad habit of doing that. We set a limit and I stayed really close to it. Trainer did really well this year. My favorite presents are my new books from the Twilight series. We were in the bookstore the other week getting my dad his gift and I passed by the display and said, "Hmmm, I really want to read those..." but I didn't pick them up because we're trying to save money. I didn't think Trainer was paying attention, yet I was wrong. He also got me some nice smelly lotion that I wanted, a cute tank to sleep in and a CD that I wanted! Very nice.

Last night Brassy, Trainer and I stayed up late doing 'woo-woo' stuff. We were reading tarot and burning incense, all that great stuff. Trainer was actually pretty receptive to it! That was a first. This is a really good year for him and really, career wise, it has been. Not that the business is super profitable yet, but just the fact that he's out on his own is HUGE! We've had many ups and downs this year, but the business is definitely an 'up.'

Now comes the part of the year where we evaluate everything that we've done and what we're going to do in the new year. It's another big year for us. We'll be growing the business and planning for a 10 year anniversary that we'll celebrate with family and friends in Cabo. Same place we were married. I'm excited about it.

Goals for this year....yeah, I didn't do a great job on my goals. I'll have to set some for next year. As always I'll have the 'lose 10 lbs' on there. Tomorrow I'm going to look at gyms and see which one I'd like to commit to. I need to see what race I'd like to do next year, see where I want to focus my energies, and make sure that I don't try and bite off more than I can chew...which I generally do. Work wise I need to set some boundaries (I'm bad at that too) and make sure that I am taking care of myself. I haven't been blogging because I've been working more and have no energy left for the things that make me happy. All things to think about...*sigh*...

Well, I hope that everyone had a great day today. I love the spirit of giving, it makes me happy to see people happy. Love to you all. Be safe, happy and blissful.

Oh the holidays...

Christmas time is here. Yippee.

Actually I love Christmas, mostly because I love giving gifts to people. I love seeing the reaction and knowing when I have given the perfect gift. The only problem with Christmas and my love of gift giving is that I can't shop for Trainer until the very last moment. I have the habit of wanting to give, give, give...even before it is time. The first Christmas that Trainer and I celebrated together we ended up unwrapping all of our presents on the 14th of December. Really, I'm not even kidding.

So I've been that person at 11pm on Christmas eve at the mall...shopping with all of the boyfriends and husbands who were aimlessly wandering trying to find that perfect gift. This year I'll have my shopping complete by tomorrow at lunch, latest by the evening. I hope.

Just breathe...

Today, well this week really...has been HELL! I haven't lost ANY weight, in fact I've gained two pounds...how that happened I have no idea. Wait...maybe it was the left over brownies and ice cream...hmmm.

I haven't left work before 7:30pm in over a week. And that is the way it is going to play out through December and maybe into January. I'm TRYING not to complain, I am employed after all.

Blood, tested, went down 0.3. Still in the danger zone, but better. I'm eating lots of veggies to see if I can't get it down.

The Director should be coming into town tonight if she and her HOTTIE husband make the flight. I can say that, he's hot, everyone knows it. I'm way excited to see her. They have other people that they are going to see, but they'll be staying at the Hotel McCann so I'll get to see them every day! I'm even going to make them pancakes...jealous? Well, get on a damn flight! :)

Back to work...maybe I can get out of here before their flight lands.

Just a fun pic for y'all. Note the FAT left leg...yeah, sexy baby.