Thursday, January 8, 2009

I can't believe it...

I did it again, and not like Britney! I had my blog written, I was just about to change the font...and I erased the whole (#&$*&@!!! thing!!! ARGH! See...if you start from the bottom and shift + up arrow all the way up and manage to go one line to far...POOF - gone. Sad, very sad. It was a very good blog, but apparently no one else will know this.

Maybe I was too conceited in my blog...talking about how I love Facebook because I'm lookin pretty HOT in my pictures and a lot of my old HS "friends" are surprise (or so it seems). I talked about how it wasn't really fair (Brazilian tan, defined shoulders, the right angles), but how good it felt since I was never a 'looker' or popular, not a jock, not a cheerleader...just me. A band, choir, drama geek with a brain. *sigh* Maybe it's a lesson....something to ponder.

Went to the gym (I talked about that too) on Wednesday and did spin class, going tomorrow also. My crotch hurts, my legs hurt...my body hurts from getting up at 4:45am. Who the heck thought that 5:30am cardio classes were a good idea anyway? At least I'm using my membership...you know, since I paid for the year in advance...smart right? Yeah, I know - I'd better use it!

Hmmmm...what else. OH yes, my first full week at work since before the holidays. It sucks. Yep, that sums it up. And to make it worse our president is roaming the halls starting at 5:00pm to see who is still present. Yes, it's not how efficient you are, what kind of quality you produce....it's ALL about what time you get to work and what time you leave. What a load of crap right? Well, lucky for me I've been there every time he's come by. Does it really matter that I'm updating my Facebook at that time? Apparently not.

Lastly I talked about my Grandpa. His condition is not getting better. My dad says that he can't walk or eat by himself any longer. He really doesn't say anything. He's supposed to be rehabilitating but I don't see how he's ever getting out of there. I don't know what keeps him holding on...I just don't know. I cancelled my girls weekend in Phoenix. I'm just not sure if it's his time or not...he is stubborn, but I think his body is just failing. I debated over and over and over again...should I go out before he passes? Will I regret not going? And I decided not to go out before. I want to remember him from when I was a kid. We used to go visit them in CA once a year. I would always get up before everyone else and he'd be up, making instant coffee. He would make me a cup, mostly milk and sugar, but I felt like I was a grown up, and that we shared a secret. I cherish those memories. I don't think I could bear it if he didn't remember who I was.

Ah, life...it's cycle. We all go through it. I hope that I impact some young life as he impacted mine, with warm memories, trivial but special. We can only hope right?

3 comments:

Sexy Hippy (why not?!) said...

I wanted to leave you a note with regard to your grandpa. Many people frown upon not making the effort to see your loved one when death is looming. But I totally understand where you're coming from. My paternal grandfather died suddenly and I didn't get to say goodbye - which, though tragic, was okay. It was okay because all my fond memories are what come to mind when I think about him. My last memories of my grandma are of her frail body - not at all the vibrant, beautiful woman I had known. It's so painful to see them like that. Granted, my mother made me go sing for her on her deathbed and I fought it all the way there. I was glad I eventually did it because tears streamed down her face so at least I knew my grandma was in that foreign body somewhere (her eyes were still the same). Anyway, my point is... follow your heart and your gut. If grandpa is too far gone and doesn't remember anyone, don't go down that painful path if you don't want to experience that - it's really, really hard. But, if you feel a tug to go there and say your goodbyes, by all means, do it. You have the thoughts and love of your friends always!

fattygetsfit said...

hope your g-pa gets better
facebook is the devil

The Sports Mama said...

Um.... I'm not sure where you were while we were in high school, apparently. At what point were you NOT pretty and popular???

Thanks for your call today. Just so you know, your real beauty -- the kind that has ALWAYS been there -- is your amazing capacity to love people and to shower them with it.