Chapter Fifteen Thousand and something

Today....today I get to pick up our new addition. It's been a weekend of waiting, and the more I waited the more I thought about Gunthar. Weird huh? I'm just a ball of emotion. Poor little Sydney is trying NOT to soak it all in, but I know that some of it is filtering through to her. This morning I got the little puppy collar and leash out that were Gunthar's, she smelled it and wagged her tail. Then when we went on our walk she stopped at all the places he used to mark and smelled, like she could still pick up his scent. Maybe if the new pup has G-dogs collar she'll be more accepting? Let us hope.

I'm still digging out of my hole of depression. I've never been a depressed person, it's foreign, I don't like it. But that's how I know it's true depression, because as much as I don't like it and am trying to dig out, I just can't. Months now, months of having my tears so close to the surface. I hate it. Truly hate it...and I don't 'hate' things. This sucks though.

This too shall pass. I will be okay. I will. If it doesn't improve I may just have to get professional help, I have no problems doing that. I'm really hoping that the new addition will change my focus. And then maybe I'll get a new job...and then maybe I'll start exercising more consistently! Poor little pup has no idea how much I have riding on his arrival! :)

It seems as though our (Trainer and me) way is never the easy way. Something always happens, most of it out of our control. When everything is going wrong and I feel that the world is against me (and us) I try to give thanks. Yes, when everything feels like it is in the crapper I try to remember that we are lucky. We have a house, two incomes, food on the table and pretty good health, and for the 'pretty good' part we have insurance. So, as much as I whine and cry I do realize that I am one lucky lady...even though Lady Luck does not grace my door that often.

Okay, off to Costco (you thought I was going to say, 'Oh, here's the pizza guy!' didn't you? That was last night!) and then to the pet store to get puppy pads. Let's see if RA has enough patience to get us through Puppy Potty Training. Help me. Peace out Peeps!

My tolerance is being tested

I swear, every time I convince myself that I can make it two more years at my current job something happens to where by the end of the day I want to go home, open a bottle of wine, order pizza and soak in a tub with a flighty historical romance novel. Let's see...if we're keeping up with the pizza count this will be the third time within 8 days that we've had pizza. That's right, I ordered it. And I have a nice new silly romance novel started, a bottle of wine in the cupboard (that may or may not be opened) and I'm SURE the tub will be filled by the end of the night!!

They say that perception is everything right? Well, my COO has decided that we have to be present AT work, meaning in the office, every day from 8am to 6pm. That way we will be working the required 9 hrs a day to get our every other Flex Friday off. I really don't have a problem with the 9 hrs a day rule, I work that, however I start my day between 6-7am at home working with my EU customers, answering emails and getting the morning items taken care of. But this doesn't count towards my hours. Nor does working on the weekends when the sales idiots have a question and I answer, nor does answering emails and phones during my lunch hour...if I get to take a lunch hour. None of these 'extra' hours count. I'm salaried. I'm supposed to be able to work the hours that get my job done. It shouldn't matter if it takes me 5 hrs a day or 12! So guess what? After my vacation next week (yay for Staycations!) I am going to tell management that I will be working 8-5, taking a one hour lunch and NOT taking my Flex Friday. What did they accomplish with this? A less productive (and now very pissy) employee.

I should be going to the gym right now. It is 22 degrees out (and before you give me the sob story about how cold it is where you are...I know we are not the icebox of the nation), I am dehydrated, and I am frustrated, which unfortunately does not translate into 'I want to work out to get out my aggressions!' So here I sit, getting it all out there. Talking to my friends that I know read this....and maybe scaring some that don't read regularly. I almost called a girlfriend to meet me at Truluck's for HH, but I don't need THAT much wine, fattening food (yes, I know pizza isn't health food) or to spend the money.

Had a job interview today. I really didn't want the job, but I wanted the experience of interviewing so I met the guy for lunch. Then he tells me that he really can't eat b/c he just had a temporary crown put in. So...awkward. I asked about the soup, he perked up and we both had soup for lunch. If I had wanted the job I believe it would have been mine, but I told him (honestly) that I didn't believe that it was a right fit for either of us...and you know what? He appreciated that. He told me that some people would take it just because they were in a bad situation and end up wasting everyone's time. I told him that I don't like to disappoint people, least of all myself, and that I didn't think that it was in me to do inside sales. We left on the note of him asking me to spread the word about the position (which I will) and I asked him to keep me in mind if he ever has a Customer Relations/Retentions job opening, or if he hears of anything else. Networking is good right?

Oh, before I forget....HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. T!!! I want her to feel special today. We weren't super close in HS, but I really dig her now. And she reads this so she must like me a little bit. ;)

Ahhh, feel better already. Peace out my dear friends...as always...thanks for listening.