Monday, February 7, 2011

Chapter Fifteen Thousand and something I get to pick up our new addition. It's been a weekend of waiting, and the more I waited the more I thought about Gunthar. Weird huh? I'm just a ball of emotion. Poor little Sydney is trying NOT to soak it all in, but I know that some of it is filtering through to her. This morning I got the little puppy collar and leash out that were Gunthar's, she smelled it and wagged her tail. Then when we went on our walk she stopped at all the places he used to mark and smelled, like she could still pick up his scent. Maybe if the new pup has G-dogs collar she'll be more accepting? Let us hope.

I'm still digging out of my hole of depression. I've never been a depressed person, it's foreign, I don't like it. But that's how I know it's true depression, because as much as I don't like it and am trying to dig out, I just can't. Months now, months of having my tears so close to the surface. I hate it. Truly hate it...and I don't 'hate' things. This sucks though.

This too shall pass. I will be okay. I will. If it doesn't improve I may just have to get professional help, I have no problems doing that. I'm really hoping that the new addition will change my focus. And then maybe I'll get a new job...and then maybe I'll start exercising more consistently! Poor little pup has no idea how much I have riding on his arrival! :)

It seems as though our (Trainer and me) way is never the easy way. Something always happens, most of it out of our control. When everything is going wrong and I feel that the world is against me (and us) I try to give thanks. Yes, when everything feels like it is in the crapper I try to remember that we are lucky. We have a house, two incomes, food on the table and pretty good health, and for the 'pretty good' part we have insurance. So, as much as I whine and cry I do realize that I am one lucky lady...even though Lady Luck does not grace my door that often.

Okay, off to Costco (you thought I was going to say, 'Oh, here's the pizza guy!' didn't you? That was last night!) and then to the pet store to get puppy pads. Let's see if RA has enough patience to get us through Puppy Potty Training. Help me. Peace out Peeps!


T said...

can't wait to see pictures of the new cutie :)

etg said...

Becca - I heard this quotation recently and when I read your post, you seemed to exemplify it! "It's okay to complain, just piss and moan with perspective" - which you do beautifully! Hope the coming days have some more levity to them...