Friday, April 8, 2011

Going towards the light *explicit language

Two months...I think that is the longest I've gone without blogging, but it was a good and necessary break. I'll try to make the recap short.

So we know that the shit storm happened from November through February. There was a point in which I decided to go get help. I'm not sure if it was when I broke down in front of the CFO (my old boss) when I was SO angry that the flood of tears just broke through...or if it was every time that Trainer and I went to grab a drink and I would end up crying. While out at a BAR. Seriously it was getting ridiculous.
I am a happy person I think. Sarcastic, yes...but overall I think I have a good outlook on life, especially the older I get. I love my years of aging, they make me feel wise instead of just old. I am secure with myself and my really I was getting tired of all of this crying and not being able to say Gunthar's name or the phrase 'Yes, my dog died' without the tears. The hardest part was actually going to the Dr., and when they ask why you are there, replying 'I'm sad.' That was it. THAT made me cry too. He put me on a magic little pill...vitamin Z as my other friend affectionately call it. I take a 1/2 a pill a day and I don't know if it is the placebo effect or the fact that I went and got help...but I felt better in just a couple of days!

Just in the past 2 weeks...I started seeing my friends again and exercising. This is an improvement. I'm motivated to get moving again. Yay! I met with my coach and have a plan. Of course my allergies aren't cooperating, they put me down for a week, but the drive is there even if the lungs are not.
I'm staying at my current job for now. They gave me the tiniest of raises (but hey, it's something) and more options. But really it came down to economics. I have 1 1/2 yrs left to pay off the debt, hopefully less if I can swing it. I don't need the extra gas expense or benefits or an hour get the idea. I took the emotions out of it and here I am.

Brody, the new little guy, is a monster, but a cute monster. He's going to be huge. Right now he's in the puppy biting stage, but housebroken. Sydney is doing great with him, I mean he's a pain in the ass, but she is tolerating okay for now.

Alrighty...well, enough for today. Tomorrow's post, or perhaps Monday, will be about the loss of friendship. I have a great story.
Peace out my little peeps!


schmitball13 said...

So happy to have you back! Guinness does the same thing with Finnegan - completely annoyed with him but will defend him like no other. It is like they can't admit they might actually like them.

Shanna May said...

Oh, I've missed you!! I kept checking and then I got out of the habit so I'm so happy to hear from my sweet friend again. I'm proud of you for seeking help and for helping yourself with the sadness. I know it just engulfs you and you have no power to contain it. I've been there. I love you so much!