Six weeks until Vacation!!!! (Rambling post)

GAWD I cannot wait to go on vacation. This hot weather is sucking the life and soul out of me. And now with the wind my allergies are mimicking a sore throat and shitty attitude. :)

Okay, so first I have to respond to Shan's comment on my last post. Love my Shan, Sexy Hippy Mama, with all my heart. If I told all of you readers how much sleep I get you might hunt me down and slaughter me in the middle of the night. I get 8-10 hours every night (albeit broken sleep - thank you Brody, but still.) I do sleep, and sleep, and sleep and if I didn't have to get up I'd probably sleep some more. And just to point out to all of my parental readers: Believe me when I tell you that my athletic endeavors are SO much easier and less energy sucking than your adorable children. I can go out on a 7 hour bike ride, run for 30 min and still be able to make it through the rest of the day (with a short nap of course) and be fine the next day. When I watched my precious little 'H' man while Yoga Babe was giving birth (yes, remember I was there during a home birth) for 8 hours I was exhausted. Mentally, physically exhausted for the next 2 days! My point is that child rearing (haha) is effing hard work, a lot harder than this tri shit.

Speaking of tri-shit. I am on my maintenance plan and enjoying it. I have one week left and then I start training for my 1/2 marathon in January. I'm excited. Running with a purpose is good at times, especially when I'm trying to refocus on me, my body, my motivation...etc. You get the idea. Blah-diity-blah-blah-blah.

Fun stuff in life: Went to tea with Yoga Babe and a new friend on Saturday. (side note - I was completely lazy on Saturday, read a book and a half, did no exercise...blissful day.) The Steeping Room is one of our favorite places and after tea we walked around the outdoor shopping area and well, we shopped. I got new UNDIES! YEAH!!! Yes, I am super stoked about my new undies, and they are not Fredrick's undies, they are good 'ol day to day underwear. They have come along way in 7 years. I think that is the last time I purchased undies for day to day. I have plenty of uncomfortable, only on for an hour max, sexy, sassy, play things underwear. I bought 14 new undies. Bikini and thongs. They are SOOOO comfortable. I threw out all of the old undies. Very satisfying. UNDIES!!!! Sorry, still excited and it was 3 days ago. :)

OH, and I remembered why I quit WW this last time. It doesn't quite work right for people that exercise a lot. I guess it could...I don't know, maybe I'm doing it wrong?? Regardless I'm paid up through December so I will lose that $$, but I did join a nutrition challenge through my nutritionist. Probably a better way to go since it is custom to me, my workout habits and life habit...ie; pizza Fridays and pastry Sundays.

K, I'm just babbling again. I will post again tomorrow (mostly b/c work is sucking the life out of me and this makes it bearable.)  I will pick one of those topics from my last post. Have a great day! It's Tuesday, 4 days to go. Rockin.

I need a tape recorder...

...for my bike. So that when I'm riding and have all of these fabulous ideas for blogging I remember them when I actually sit down to WRITE the blog. *sigh*

This is the phrase that has been plaguing my thoughts this week:

"Wanting something means nothing if you're not going to DO anything to get what you want."

When I was trying to organize my 'crap' room I came across my old (seriously old, like when I was 17-18years old...old) journals. Here is the opening sentence to one entry: "I want to be thin...and I'm writing this as I eat a snickers bar." Well duh honey! That's not going to work! And today I find myself doing the exact same thing. Well, not really a snickers bar, but too many calories, not enough burn...etc. Whatever.

My score for the week on getting up early =  0/5, that's right. NO early mornings! DAMN IT! But, I will try again next week. I have to keep trying. One of these days I might actually get a foot on the floor, followed by the other foot, dressed and out the door. It could happen. Really. Swear.

Other things that were going through my head on my ride, which will become blog post (so stay tuned!):

• I need new friends, ones that aren't talented...so I can feel like I am talented. 
• This fat leg thingy issue is a curse, but a blessing.
• Why do I stay at my job.
• Women CAN be crazy and over sensitive, and then there's the other side of the coin. 
• Why did I start this blog.
• If self-loathing were a competition I could podium.

And so on and so on. At least I have ammunition for 6 new posts, and I think they'll turn out well.

But really, back to the 'wants'. Action is needed to make these 'wants' into reality. If I want a new bike I need to save for it. If I want to become a better athlete I have to practice/train. If I want to lose weight, like really lose the weight, I'm going to have to take action (fortunately I'm on the right path for this one!) And if I really want to do an Ironman I am going to have to DO a lot of 'somethings' to make it a reality. Actions speak louder than words, even if the words are only in your head. 

My solo ride was good today. I rode 26 miles at 16.4mph, so getting my speed back...slowly. I'm still about 2mph shy of what I was riding in 2009, so I'll keep at it. Can't get a new bike and suck. I completed my brick (run right after bike) and it was a struggle, but I didn't short myself. Yesterday I did my run, I didn't short myself. Tomorrow I will run AND swim...and that's right...I won't short myself. 

Tomorrow and the next day and the day after that I will strive to become a better version of myself. What will you do today or tomorrow or the next day to take a step towards those 'wants'?

Control

Getting back into the swing of things takes a certain amount of control.

During my lunch with Coachy Coach she asked me some great questions, many were just to get me thinking, but most were to get me moving in the right direction. One was, "well, how ARE you going to get control of your eating and working out?" Legit questions coming from the person who writes my workouts and is seeing no progress...to no fault of her own, which I tell her every week. :)

Anyway, the good news is that even before our meeting I had just joined (or re-joined) Weight Watchers. They have yet another system, I think this will be my 4th time doing the plan?? The first time didn't work, but I don't think I really wanted to lose the weight. Or rather, I didn't want to work at it. And losing weight takes work...a lot of work and perceived sacrifice. (Because really...saying no to a donut isn't a 'real' sacrifice...) I started on Tuesday morning and by my weigh in on Friday I was already down 3lbs. Yes, water weight, however if I keep drinking the water - the weight will stay off - so I consider it a real loss. I will weigh in once a week like I'm supposed to and log-in online and TRACK my shit. Yes, you have to track what is going in your mouth and you are forced to make decisions. I feel more in control and know that this is all in my hands. Good.

And guess what? From there, the weight loss comes the benefits of exercise. I get more 'points' if I exercise...meaning I can eat a little more when I exercise, not the entire farm. ie; after a 2 hour workout I can go have a slice or two of pizza and not worry about it...however, I cannot have the 2 slices of pizza, a cinnamon roll, ice cream and mac and cheese for dinner. Which sadly, yes I admit it, has happened before. I haven't gained a ton of weight, but I popped back into the 160s which ticks me off. So now I am less than 2 pounds away from the 150s (yes, that would be 159)  and I'm motivated to get there. (Oh, and more than that...it is so much easier to run and bike when you weigh less, every 5lbs makes a HUGE difference.)

Motivated to get there....and to do my workouts. Every week my dear Coachy Coach write these workouts and on Sunday I get ALL excited for what the week holds. Then ultimately I work a few 10-12 hour days, come home, feed the pups, start dinner and it is 8pm and dark outside. And then my lovely 9month old pup wakes us up every couple of hours to go outside...and not because he needs to relieve himself, but because it's cool outside and he wants to bark...so I get no sleep and am exhausted and therefore do not get my ass out of bed to get to the gym. Then a pattern of missed workouts start to pile up, I start to feel like shit from missing the workouts....and then we repeat the pattern. (Pete and Repeat go into a bar, Pete comes out, who is left? Repeat...Okay, Pete and Repeat go into a bar...)

Well, Trainer has no choice and has to get up for clients. I've made another decision that I'm going to get up at 5 am every morning next week and GO TO THE GYM (that opens at 5:30 and is 5 min from the house) and do my workouts. At least the ones I can do at the gym, like mid-week cycling and swimming, the running I will only do on the dreadmill if there is no other alternative.

I have the puppies in Playcare 2x a week so on those days (Monday and Thursday) I am going to workout in the AM and/or at lunch. There, I said it. Now I have to accountable. Which is something I obviously need. I will report back next weekend to tell everyone (my millions of readers....hahaha) what I did and did not do. I'm not superhuman, I know that, but I can do SO much better than what I've been doing. I AM better than this. I am. I know it.

And...we're back! Again

Okay, so I don't have the best track record for blogging. *Le Sigh*

I think I'll start the new chapter with - A year to remember...my 37th year.

As we know, if you follow me, my b-day was just a week or so ago. The big 38, so I've decided to do a year in review. What did I learn this year? Well, I learned that grief and depression suck. I learned that when something bad happens it really can get worse. I also learned that when you feel like you are alone, which you are because you've been isolating yourself, there really are people there waiting for you to rejoin life....right where you left off.

Actually year 37 started off awesome with a 65 mile bike ride on my actual b-day. I completed a half Iron Man in under 7 hours. I steadily worked at my debt (which is still there, but dwindling.) And then...well G-buddy passed away. We won't rehash, I've written a lot about it already.

I read a lot of books, I took about 5-6 months off of training...well, really life. :) And then I tried to start back again...and again....and again....and I keep on trying. But I found that this is the key. You have to keep trying. I love my life, my husband, my pups...I mean, I have it really great. So it's worth getting up every day and trying to make myself better.

Today I had lunch with my Coachy Coach (she's so effing adorable) and she was trying to get 'What motivates me' and it is making me think. Self analysis, I know I've been down this road before, but delve into it we must.

I am only competitive with things that I am good at....say like music (although I don't know if that is true any more either! HA!) Obviously I'm not competitive with triathlon. At least not with anyone but myself.

I don't know if it's because I am a Virgo or that I was born to my mother, but I am extremely hard on myself and want to please people. If I don't make a goal I feel like I've disappointed someone...how ridiculous is this??? Ri-dic-u-lous. So each week I get workouts and I can complete them however I want, but lately I've only been doing about 50% or less...and I feel bad about that. This shouldn't be stressful...I do this for FUN...HELL I PAY FOR THIS SHIT! Okay, so how to re-frame my mind, how to get this to be enjoyable again? Suggestions? Ha, actually suggestions wont work, it has to come from within, I know that. Ugh.

So here it is...next year I am pre-training for the 2013 IMAZ. Along the way I am going to set some goals and see how it goes. Here are a splattering of goals for 2012:

-Run Ladera Norte, no walking (really effing steep hill in the NW Hills area)

-Run the 3M 1/2 marathon in January

-Do a Spring race, never done one before

-Do at least 2 charity rides (or non charity, but just fun rides) of 70+ miles in the Spring

-Participate in the Splash and Dash series, they are cheap, fun and I'll get pummeled in the water.

That's it for now, will fill in more along the way. Sorry for the long ass post, but hell...I've been gone for a bit!

'Til later my sweets!! Rockin