Saturday, October 4, 2008

Almost...

I am hungover. In fact when I woke up this morning I think I was still drunk.

What a week. This was the longest "short" week ever. Well, it was a short week for me because we got back on the 30th and I went back to work on Wednesday...Layoff day. And talk about a week?? What about this year?

This year I almost lost my marriage.

This year I almost lost my job.

This year I almost lost myself.

The last one being the most important of course. As most of you know, I still have a job, I'm still married and I'm still surviving.

Last night I had a complete melt down. All of the worries and stress built up and at some point (after a bottle of wine) it all came crashing down. It had to, no one can exist like that...or if they do they end up pretty messed up.

Anyway, here's the scoop on the job crap. In reality I lost my job. I am no longer in finance. I no longer do the things that I've been doing for two and a half years. Also in reality, I'm still employed by the same company and my salary didn't change. I was transferred to another department within the company because "I am a valuable employee who's talents couldn't be let go." That came from my cheesy ass CFO dickhead, mother fuc....I digress... He made it out to sound like he "saved" my job, saved me from the list when in reality (so much reality) he's the one that put me on the chopping block. This week and next were/are filled with meetings with him so I can explain to him how I did HIS job. See, that was the problem with my job. I took on all of the responsibilities that were his to make his job easier. Things so that he could be the CFO and not do day to day or mundane things. Ahhh, now he'll remember what I did and how long things took. Fine, whatever, I have a job.

This was the hard part about my job loss/transfer...there was no mourning period. I know that it sounds ridiculous. Let me try and explain.

I am a person who used to boast about being the type that "worked to live" and not "live to work." Trainer falls into the second category, I never thought I did. Until I realized and said out loud "I have my husband and my work...that's it!" That is when it hit me that I identify myself with my job. I have been in accounting for a long time now. Eight years at my previous company and now two and a half here. I pick things up quickly, I'm good with number and decent with financial writing. So, finance was a good and easy fit for me. Now I've been thrown to the other side of the cube farm. I won't socialize with my finance buddies any longer, my teammates. I have new teammates. I have a new cube, I have a new title (although they haven't decided on what that is...), I have tasks??? Tasks. Weird. I lost my comfort zone.

Trainer says that if I really don't like it that I can quit. Which is a nice statement, but of course I can't quit. I'm very lucky, you see my company pays for both mine AND Trainer's benefits. All of them. Not one penny comes out of my paycheck. Now, if I were to find another job, take a pay cut and have to wait for benefits certain things wouldn't be covered - ie; blood clots. Small problem. Also, if I got a new job I'd be starting over making much less than I am now, clawing my way back up. And really, I am starting a new job, I just get to keep the money and the benefits. Are you sitting there asking - What the fuck is her problem?

I know a part of me sounds like a spoiled child. I should get what I want when I want...haha...that's not the case. It was just a shock to leave my job, go on vacation and to be put into a new position that I know nothing about. Round and round I could go...and went last night...circle, circle, circle...

Well, I have a baby shower to go to today. Woohoo. (That was a completely flat emotion, just in case you didn't get it.) But, it's for Home Girl and she's a fave of mine so I'll go and be merry and try to sneak out early. No drinking...I must not drink today...or tomorrow. Damn.

There is more to the melt down than just my job, but that was the bulk of it. I just wanted to cry and rant like a five year old and I did.

Once I get the hang of my new job I should be able to blog more often, let's hope that I pick up on this stuff in the next week. I know you're ALL dying for more from RockinAustin right? :) Peace out kids, I'll chat at you later.

3 comments:

Sexy Hippy (why not?!) said...

I think you are totally entitled to your mourning period. It's a big change - and it happened practically overnight! Change is hard but sometimew we are pleasantly suprised by the outcome. Keep yer chin up, baby.

fattygetsfit said...

you can read up on the grief process, or bereavement. It really can apply to job, relationship, drugs, food, etc.

Sexy Hippy (why not?!) said...

I've been thinking of you all morning and sometimes I have a Spidey sense when something is wrong with a friend. You okay? If not, you know where to find me. Love you!!