Insecurities Exposed...and other nonesense from my Vacation

What is it about Mother In-Laws that can make you look in the mirror and see something different than what is really there? I really don't think of myself as an insecure person, just a person that has insecurities. Not always present, only when I have a trigger...such as my mother in-law CONSTANTLY reminding me that she is smaller than me. It's awesome.

Oregon was a lot of fun. We got in on Wednesday evening and the MIL had dinner ready for us when we got to her house. Turkey burgers and a bean salad, very healthy and very tasty, right up our alley since we (I - we've discussed Trainer's lack of knowledge in the kitchen) cook in a very similar fashion. We didn't get to bed until midnight, which was really 2am to us, and we were beat. The next morning we were up at 6:30am, really 8:30am in our heads, and stayed in bed and watched CNN. We got out of bed at about 7:30, ate breakfast, chatted with the MIL and her husband and then went for a run. Trainer ran 6 miles, I ran with Money (that will be my name for the step dad) since he's injured and can't run fast and I just DON'T run fast. We went 2 miles. Not bad for vacation right? (Plus I have to add that I ran M, T and W, so these were bonus miles!)

We petered around the house for a while and had to leave by 1pm to drive down to Corvallis. All the papers that morning had mentioned the USC vs Oregon State game. Big time. Trainer called upset that morning and I thought he was dreaming, there was NO WAY that OSU could upset USC this early in the season. But his good mood was infectious and I got into it as well. We ended up leaving around 2pm and got into Corvallis at 3:30. Not bad. Checked in the Super 8...yikes...and drove on to campus. I do have to say that Oregon State is beautiful. I went to Arizona State and all of the buildings are mismatched and it's in the middle of Tempe, a big city. In Corvallis the campus IS the city. And the city was lit up with excitement for the game.

It was pretty cool to see Trainer in this nostalgic state, showing me his old stomping grounds. The first stop was the college bookstore where we could get our Orange on. I bought this really cute layered shirt that is fitted so my boobs looked really good. Next stop was back at the car so we could change. Then we ate at his favorite pizza joint American Dream (you KNEW that we'd have pizza right?), having a slice and a pitcher of beer. OH SO GOOD...the Northwest beer is AMAZING. It was the Deschutes IPA...oh, love...yum. After we were tipsy and full we headed to the stadium. We really didn't get a good look at the tickets so we didn't know where we were sitting, we just figured it would be in the upper deck. Nope. Once we got into the stadium we were directed to our seats...row 11 baby! The entire stadium was dressed in orange, save for a few maroon shirts here and there. Everyone was pretty pumped up. Trainer was in awe of the upgrades to the stadium and the support as well. When he was in school season tickets were FREE and no one showed up. And here we were in a sea of orange. I was pretty impressed.

The Beavs vs The Trojans

And yes, YZB, I totally see the humor in that...haha..Beavers...hehehe...I'm so immature!

The game was AMAZING! I know a lot of you aren't football watching peeps, but that is okay. We (I am siding myself with the Beavs since I'm a fan my marriage - UNLESS they are playing ASU) were up 21-0 at half time and the USC bench looked defeated. After half time we figured that USC would come back strong and they looked it, jumping up and down on the sidelines, getting all excited. But our Beavs stayed strong and didn't let up the defense. The first time USC scored their fans were like..."haha" and we said, "dude, it's only 7 points." In the last 3 minutes of the game the students started climbing down from the stands, just waiting to rush the field. The score was 27-21 at the end and as the clock ticked down the state troopers circled around the goal posts. The kids rushed the field and everyone was high fiving and giving the few SC fans a hard time. We drove back to the motel and dropped off the car, then headed over the the McMenamin's pub so I could drink my Ruby beer. Ahhhh...so tasty. Good beer and victory.

After eating a decent breakfast of oatmeal and fruit we headed to the coast. Since this was our vacation for the year we decided to spend two days of it alone. Newport was just an hour away and we wound through the mountains with the evergreen trees to find ourselves at the coast line. Again, I find it SO amazing that one minute you're in the mountains and then *BAM* you're looking at the Pacific Ocean! We arrived at the hotel early, but they let us check in...and it was a good thing because our brewery tour started at 3pm. We dropped off our stuff and headed back out, traveling a short distance to Rogue brewery. We had been there before in 1996, when it was really, really small operation. My how things change. The tour was cool, nothing too over the top. Afterward we headed upstairs to the bar to sample the product...yummmmm....nothing beats fresh beer, fresh COLD beer. We each started with a pint and then we did a couple of tasters and decided that we should get some beer to go so we could drive back. (Smart, I know...always thinking!)

Back to the hotel we went. As we walked into our room we saw that the toilet was not where it should be...it was IN the room, not the bathroom. There was a call from the front desk and we had to move rooms, just next door so no big deal, it was just weird. We decided to pour our beer into "to go" cups and walk on the beach. THAT was cool. Me and my husband, ocean, beer and the sunset. We were too drunk to go out for dinner and nothing was close so we did what? That's right...called out for pizza. :)

Then back to Portland the next day to spend the rest of our time with the MIL and Money. I call him money b/c that is what Trainer has always called him, not because he HAS money...although he does. We took the long way back to his mom's house, going to see the apartments that we lived in when we were there. They still look cool and I'd still live there if I had to do it again. We stopped at Gubanc's, my favorite restaurant that has my favorite chicken sandwich and then back to Oregon City. His mom made reservations for 7pm that night to have our celebratory dinner for Trainer's new business. They took us to McCormick and Schmidt's. Tasty seafood. I had the salmon Caesar salad, it was okay. This was Saturday. Sunday I ran with Money again and this time I averaged a 9:20 minute mile, which is AMAZING for me, although it was a little challenging. After getting cleaned up we went to pick up Trainer's grandma who still lives in Portland. She is such a cutie. It's a funny thing too, since it is Trainer's dad's mom, not his mom's mom. Trainer's dad lives in AZ and his mom is still close to her ex-MIL and treats her like a queen.

We had dinner and chatted late into the night until we had to take grandma home. Her toilet was running and Trainer offered to fix it for her the next morning, how cute is that? So that is what we did Monday morning after breakfast. The weather was nice the whole time, no rain, although I was hoping for rain...I'm weird like that. After fixing the toilet, Trainer installed a new pump, we went back to the house and headed downtown to shop, there's no sales tax...woohoo. This is where my insecurities were tapped. Before we went out MIL says, "do you a have a jacket?" and I say, "no, I don't think I'll need one." Then she says, "well, you could wear one of mine...although I don't think I have any that would fit you, they'd all be too small. No, maybe one, no...definitely too small." She makes three of these kind of remarks in a matter of five minutes. While I was sitting there eating my oatmeal and biting my lip. UGH! Trainer was sitting right there too so he couldn't deny that she said it.

I know she doesn't mean it in a mean way, but COME ON! Give me a f-ing break! We've established that I'm bigger, drop it. And here's the thing...confession time:

I am 5'6", 159lbs and a size 10. A comfortable size 10, no muffin top, fairly flat tummy. I have an hour glass figure and DD breasts, and a booty to match...otherwise I wouldn't be hourglass. There, it's out there! I'm always trying to lose 10 pounds, always. At my heaviest (when I got married) I was 178 pounds and a size 14...barely. I was out of shape, had no muscle tone. At my lowest weight, 151, I was a size eight and had run a half marathon and the same year rode an 150 mile bike ride through Texas. Moved to Austin and gained 10-12 pounds and now I'm chipping away at it. I do WW Core plan, I run 3-4x a week, I walk 1-2x a week, cycle and lift weights. So...I shouldn't be insecure about my weight. Old demons. When I was 14 I was sunbathing in my back yard, my older brother called me "thunder thighs", I was a size 4-6 and 125 pounds. I hit puberty late and overnight between years 15-16...I got hips, boobs and kept my tiny waist...my best friend teased me and pointed out my boobs in the locker room when we were changing for gym. I was mortified and thought there was something wrong with me. Still 125 pounds and hiding in big clothes. See...some things just don't die.

When we were at the airport Trainer asked me if I wanted anything to eat and I retorted, "Yeah, a big fat Cinnabon for your big fat wife!" And I know it wasn't fair. Poor Trainer. But, he knows that he married both me and my insecurities.

Overall it was a wonderful vacation. I had great espresso all week, tasty beer, ran my fastest mile to date and saw one of the best footballs games in my life. When we arrived home on Tuesday afternoon we picked up our pups and headed home. Oh, comfortable home. The next day you know what happened at work. The other thing that happened...when I came home from work I saw a jewelry box on the counter, a ring box. Trainer rounded the corner into the kitchen sporting a new titanium, beautiful ring on his left finger. He's been wearing it every day and only takes it off for work, which is totally acceptable with what he does.

It's the little things that can make you so happy. So, from today on...I'm looking for the little things.