Sunday, March 29, 2009

Mother Nature strikes again...

Okay, disclaimer...if you're male and are uncomfortable with the female body and all of it's processes stop reading and I'll catch you next time. Now...for the rest of story of the weekend.

So Mid West Girl came over today for a nice easy 70 min ride. We went out at about 2pm since MWG had just run for an hour and mowed her yard. Talk about making me feel lazy! The only thing I'd done at that point was provide race support for Trainer at his 10k. Now, I did get about 1 mile of running and 2 miles of walking in, but nothing too strenuous. After the race we met our Rice friends for brunch. When we arrived home I crawled back into bed (I had stayed up late Saturday night...I got sucked in watching The Notebook and was up past midnight) because I was tired. Trainer took a nap and I ended up watching America's Next Top Model season 6 or 7...can't remember.

We took off and it was SO much nicer today than it was last week. Light winds, sunny, beautiful. We ended up going 17 miles and then MWG had to go home to play with her pups and such...oh, and mow the back yard. I was so inspired by her that I decided to go on a quick 2 mile run. I figured I could spare 20 minutes and took off. I got done with the first mile, turned around to come home and of course adjust my shorts. I have thick thighs, I'll ALWAYS have thick thighs no matter how big or small I am. That being said, my shorts ALWAYS crawl UP the thighs. Fine, whatever, I don't care about being very unladylike and pulling them down. So I do just that and look down and guess what I see??? (This is a little TMI - just warning you!) Blood. Yep. Blood. I was mortified.

My period came late this month, by a week. No big deal, aside from the grouchiness, crying at commercials, etc. Today is day 3 so it should start getting lighter. Well, after I was done riding I just switched my shorts from riding to running and went out. Not really thinking.

So here I am, on a busy street and I have NO idea what people can see. I have no idea if I have a nice big red spot on the back of my shorts, I only knew that it was in the middle somewhere. I walked for a little bit, knowing that I have a mile to go, there is no where to hide, no bathrooms to check myself...I'm just out there. So I start to jog faster, but then I'm thinking 'What if it makes it worse?' but on the other hand 'I just need to get home!' Just as I was thinking that some jackass honked at me, I freaked out. I sprinted the last half mile so by the time I got to my house I was out of breath and coughing hard. Trainer asks, "Are you okay?" I ran to the bathroom, turned around and discovered that you couldn't see anything. Whew! I just couldn't pull my shorts down because then it would have been obvious.

This has never happened to me before, I've never bled through like that. Insanity. See what happens when you get 'inspired'???

Sunday, March 22, 2009

A short one

Just a note to let you all know, again, that I very much dislike riding in the wind!!! Mid-west Girl and I went 21 miles in 20-30 mph wind, head wind the entire way back. Although, it does remind you that you are alive and that Mother Nature still kicks everyone's ass.

Also, I made a kick ass dinner. A seafood penne pasta recipe that I got out of Men's Health. It had shrimp, spinach (fresh), walnuts (toasted), tomato, obviously penne pasta (whole wheat), pesto and Gorgonzola. Oh my goodness...tasty, fast and great color combo. Let me know if you want the recipe. Umm-umm good! This is my third new recipe of the weekend. Rockin!

Oh Brother...

My brothers...are just...a mess. There is no other way to say it. I think I've written a little about them before, I can't remember. They live together in the house that I grew up in while my parents are in Vegas taking care of my Grandma. Some how my brothers are "special" in my parents eyes. I don't know how we all turned out differently being raised by the same people. Well...maybe that's not true, I mean we were raised by the same people but with different circumstances. My older bro and I are three years apart, then came little bro eight years later. So little bro was an only child from age 9/10 when I went off to college and older bro was in the army.

They spoiled little bro, although he'll deny it. He'll tell a story about how tough his life was, all while he drank, smoked and pissed away his schooling. I'm not bitter, really... He blames my mom for his bad teeth, guess why? It's because he used to cancel his appointments and she wouldn't reschedule them for him. Huh. Okay. Yes, every problem my brothers have seem to be because of someone else. They have no internal voice that say, "Maybe you should take some responsibility for your actions..." Nope, they are more than happy to blame the enablers in their life. My parents.

This Thursday I guess my older bro had enough of something that my little bro was doing (this time it was the dirty dishes) and beat the crap out of him. Full on beat down. So little bro calls my parents and expects them to throw their older child out of the house. While I do see little bros point and frustration isn't it up to him to move out? If you don't like the situation you're in, get out of it. But he has no job and where else can he live for free?? Yes, free. My little brother hasn't paid bills or rent for months now since he lost his job in the fall. He's had this other job lined up for months, but it doesn't start until next month, and that is what he said last month too...hmmm...

Older bro has anger issues, obviously right? He's always been an angry person, one of those "life isn't fair, I got a bad deal from birth" type of anger. He joined the military because he didn't have other options after H.S. We thought it was good for him, gave him a sense of responsibility. Although in hind sight I think it brought an even uglier side out in him. He started drinking a lot in the military. Smoking. Fighting. But he seemed to be okay with it. Then there was a point of "they're trying to Eff me over" and he resigned from the military. He said he was tired of being jerked around. Okay. Fine. So he moved back in with my parents. Eventually he moved out on his own, he was working, doing fine. Then his place was broken in to and he moved back in with my parents. Then he moved out again, met his wife, my parents moved to Vegas and he and his new wife moved in to my parents house. Fine. Dandy. Everything is great. Of course she was a bitch and broke his heart within 6 months, they are now divorced and he is still living in the house. He drinks too much and is a compulsive spender.

Older bro, since being in the military, has a neat freak quality. He's also one of those people who are ALWAYS right, no matter what. (My little bro shares that quality.) So nothing is ever good enough unless he does it.

Little bro, since being a spoiled rotten irresponsible child, has a "I can do whatever I want" quality. Of course he is a know it all as well. He thinks that whatever he does is fine. He likes to push buttons, he's been doing it since he was 3 years old. I witnessed it.

Can you see why they shouldn't be living together? Can you see why my parents should kick them both out on their respective asses and make them live real lives?? But my parents can't stand the thought of turning their kids out on to the street.

My parents (read - MOM) was hard on me growing up. Nothing was ever good enough. When I turned 18 she bought me dishes, 19 she bought me pots and pans. Nice huh? I thought so until she said, "These are so you don't come back." And on some level I'm sure she thought she was joking, but on another level there was truth in that statement. Well, it worked. I never moved back after I turned 17. I did come home for 2 out of 4 summers, but other than that...nada. I was on my own, didn't ask for help (only because the one time I asked for $50 my mom called me at 6am and bitched me out) and somehow I always made ends meet.

Why the hell can't my brothers take responsibility for their own lives? And the kicker...they BOTH say that they are doing our parents a favor by staying in the house... Really? Seriously? Yeah. That's what they think.

My parents are driving to CO next week to check things out, my dad is going to set some ground rules, you know like:
1. No loaded guns within reach in the house
2. You must each pay me $250 a MONTH (they have a hard time doing this, sad huh?)
3. You cannot hit each other

If you think I'm joking....far from it my friends. They are out of control.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Amazing Grace and all my other chicks

Today I have realized, once again, how wonderful and selfless my friends are. I blog to clear my mind, to rant and rave and to connect with my friends that are far away.

It never ceases to amaze me that my good friend SportsMama always comments on my blog. She is always supportive and generous with her comments, always upbeat and encouraging. She makes me feel like I'm more than I really am. She does this all when her world has literally unraveled in front of her eyes in the last 6 months or so. She had to change jobs, her husband lost his job, then she lost hers. They have two boys that need to eat and one that needs monthly medication. They are the best parents. It's just a tragedy and an example of what is happening everywhere, yet....every morning after I've written my blog the night before she has a special comment of hope...just for me.

I have my friend Yoga Zen Babe here with me in Austin who feeds me every week. I go to her house for lunch, I get to hang out with her and little H, and eat her food. We talk and talk about silly stuff, about serious stuff...about everything. And then when I get back to work she thanks ME for coming over for a lovely lunch!

I have my friend Soul Mate who flew out here when I needed her the most, even though it wasn't the most entertaining visit. She and YZB helped me pick out a dress for my grandpa's funeral, not much fun in that, but they made it fun.

I have my friend The Saint who always has a kind word for me. I sent her a b-day gift for her trip to NYC (which I heard was amazing!!) and she told me I was the fizzle fo shizzle. (or something like that) But she is the one who never forgets an event, a small moment in life that means something to you and that you'd think that no one would remember. She is amazing, strong and beautiful and it is SO nice to see her looking at herself in the mirror and acknowledging that.

My friend Midwest Girl who is doing the tri is amazing. She motivates me even when she's under the assumption that I'm motivating her! Digging deep, that is what she does, when she thinks that there is no more left she finds a reason to keep going...and I'm not just talking about at the gym. Also, she shows up at all my silly parties and stays and helps out. She makes friends, doesn't need hand holding and I know that if I got stuck somewhere she would come and get me no questions asked.

My friend Legs is one of the smartest people I know, and not just book smart, she has those street smarts going on. She is down to earth and handles the most difficult situations with ease, or so it appears. She can be vulnerable, though you'll rarely see it. Her son was born with a complication, nothing that cannot be fixed, however while they wait it is just emotionally excruciating. I don't think people realize how much pain they inflict on another person with a glance and a frown, or when someone is trying to "study" your child and trying to figure out what is wrong. And all you want to do as a parent is say "Fuck off and mind your own business because my child is PERFECT ASSHOLE!" But she doesn't. She grins as she catches their eyes and deals with her emotions later. She always puts herself in the "later" category.

I could go on and on...and perhaps I will at a later time. But I just wanted you all to know that I am constantly surrounded by love and greatness and that I love my beautiful friends. They make me want to be better and you can't really ask for more than that.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Baby steps

Oh I'm feeling pretty good right now! I did something today that used to be in character, but has definitely fallen to the wayside. I was supposed to go to spin class this morning, it's a 5:30am which means that I get up at 4:45am to leave the house at 5am. However I didn't make it. Bad sleep, too get the idea. LAZY BONES! I went through my day, a frustrating day and ended it with a dentist appointment.

Okay, so I have to admit something, and it sounds horrible...I really don't even want to put it in writing. Well, I haven't been to the dentist since I moved to Austin, which is almost THREE YEARS ago. Yes, three years. At first I didn't know where to go, I asked for referrals, but everyone I knew at the time lived far from where I do and I didn't want to drive out of the way for the dentist. Then our insurance changed and I was once again lazy and just didn't find a dentist. After some badgering by Trainer I found us a dentist near the house and prayed that they were an "up to date" dentistry, I loved my dentist in AZ as she was up on all the newest dental technology. Today was my appt., 2pm. I got there early and they were in their weekly staff meeting so the doors were locked. First bad sign in my head, tell me to get there early and then lock the doors?? WTF? Anyway, I got in and started the "exam" and LONG story short I have to get 5 fillings and a deep cleaning. Although they did say that it was obvious that I flossed, which I do.

My mouth hurts, it took 2 hours and I didn't even get a cleaning. I was a little upset, mostly at myself for waiting for so long. Went to Starbuck's, came home and sat outside with my drink and a magazine. Normally I would have just let the day go on, lazed around and sulked, but instead I texted my friend Mid West Girl that is training for the triathlon and asked when she was going to spin class. Not only that, but I met her there!!! And to top it off we ran for 15 minutes after we completed 60 minutes of class. Pretty cool. I'm pretty motivated by her and it helps me to help someone meet their goals, especially when they are goals that I want to reach some day.

Now I'm sitting here pretty damn happy with myself. I made an awesome healthy dinner, we had breakfast, delish. I'm even debating running tomorrow morning. Crazy stuff I know. It sucks that I had to fall so far to get back to baby steps, but sometimes it just happens. I have to look to myself to be proud of what I'm doing, not what I haven't done up to this point. Baby steps.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Love Hate

This is the relationship that I have with riding, that is cycling. I love it when I'm on the open road, I love the feeling of going fast (all relative mind, I love it when I beat a light or even run a red (safely of course) many things that I love. I hate getting ready to ride. Hate it. I hate putting on my cycling shorts, because even though they save my legs from chaffing and my ass from getting uber sore they are just plain unflattering. I hate wearing the helmet even though it saved me that one time that I crashed. I hate my Oakley's, they make me look like I play for the other team (not that there is anything wrong with that.) But the feeling that I get when I clip into my pedals, the feeling that I get when I power up a beats out the hate.

I feel the same way about a lot of things. I presume that most people do. I hate the act of going to the gym, but I love it once I'm there. I hate getting up in the morning, but...wait, nope. That's just a hate. No love. Anyway, if you couldn't guess I went out for a ride today. I only went 15 miles, but it was 15 miles that I almost didn't do at all. My good friend and I were going to go on a ride, 80 minutes because that is part of her training schedule for her triathlon training. However she had some puppy issues (which I completely understand) and couldn't make it in a time that would work for both of us. So, as I sat watching crap TV I debated on whether to go at all. No one would know, or care for that matter, no one except me. So I went. Trainer said it was too cold out for him to go so he ran instead....logic? I have no idea.

Overall this was an AWESOME weekend. I took Friday off of work, Hoe was supposed to come in to town, however all the flights were booked up and she had to cancel at the last minute. I was going to go to work, but my office mate insisted that I take it off. Which was probably a great idea since she's driving me NUTS, another story for another time. I finally cleaned out the majority of my closet, much to Trainer's delight. I went to Costco, which I have named The $100 store, put the groceries away, went to the liquor store...and even made dinner! Then Trainer and I got a little tipsy and acted like a couple of teenagers. Fabulous. Saturday was kind of a waste (read - hangover) although I did make it to the gym and sweat out some alcohol on the elliptical. We didn't eat too bad, except for the Panda Express for dinner...LOVE Panda for a hangover. And today we didn't even go out to eat once! Not even for coffee...a record!

Yoga Zen Babe and I went and saw "He's just not that into you" this afternoon and I thought it was a good/cute movie. It ended better than I thought it would and spending time with YZB is always a treat. I thought I wasn't going to like it from what I'd heard, but I did like it. And after this weekend and my conversation with Trainer on Friday evening I realized that he IS that into me...still! This year has been so great and healing and more than I expected. I know that my blogs of late have been filled with this sentiment, however things just keep happening, good things. Eh, my life right? No one HAS to read this. :)

So, my next blog will most likely be about my office mate. She gives "not a morning person" a new meaning. Until then...