Saturday, March 6, 2010

A knock at the door

I received a call from my dad yesterday afternoon. The feeling I got when the phone was ringing wasn't a good one. I let the call go to voicemail as I was driving and couldn't answer in time. My dad's speech was broken as he tried to tell me that my grandma (his step-mother who was in all rights our paternal grandmother) has passed away. She was 83 or 84 and becoming increasingly depressed and frail. She wasn't ill, but I suppose she just didn't want to live anymore.

I'm fighting the emotions. Should I be really upset? I think the hardest part for me is what it has always been...seeing my dad hurting. He's my person, I'm his Pumpkin. When I called back he struggled again and my heart just broke. He told me that the services will be on the 22nd of March since my aunt cannot make it to California until then. She will be buried next to my grandfather who passed away back when I was only 12 years old. He told me that he'd send me the address if I wished to send anything and I assured him that I'll be there. In person.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to get to CA on the 21st, all the flights are sold out going OUT of Austin because it is the final day of SXSW, the film and music festival. Trainer told me to use our free ticket, but the times and dates are blocked out, can't use it. If I go the day before I'll be breaking commitments that I've already made. I KNOW that no commitment is greater than my family's need....so we'll just have to wait and see. What channels can I go through to get out of Austin without spending a fortune??

My little brother is going to be coming to CA as well, I hope he does. My older brother can't make it. Trainer won't be coming either, it's just not feasible. I'm lucky that I'll be able to go.

This morning it was hard to wake up, I just wanted to roll over, and after waking I just wanted to stay in bed. Today I'm going over to a sports club close to my house for a fitness expo. I'll be there exercising for several hours. Hopefully that will put some endorphins into my body...make me feel better...pull me up while the quicksand of depression is just hovering. Death. It sucks.

5 comments:

etg said...

Sorry to hear about your loss...no matter how close you were or were not to the person, it still makes your heart ache. If not for you personally, then for the other people you love. No real answers to the SXSW dilemma but maybe look at flights out of San Antonio - a fairly easy drive there and usually good flights to CA. Thinking about you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you get there safe & sound. I'm with etg, San Antonio is the way to go.

Take care, lady.
- Marta

Sexy Hippy said...

Boo. I'm sorry, babe. These things are never easy and there's nothing really to say except, you're doing the right thing by being there for your daddy. You comforting him will be healing for you (AND for him). Do whatever you gotta do, honey. Love you and thinking of you. OXOX

T said...

no good - getting flights quick is a big pain in the patootie at the best of times, but when there's grief involved it just plain sucks rocks. thinking of you!

The Sports Mama said...

Oh hon.... I'm sorry. Wish I could give you AND your dad a big hug tonight. Love you both!