Boobfest....I mean Cruefest

Let me start off by saying, Motely Crue rocks. I've seen some pretty amazing concerts in the past decade, but this made it into the top 5.

Trainer and I haven't really been fighting, but we haven't been peaches and cream lately either. The stress of the new business is taking a little bit of a toll, mostly on me. I'm trying to be supportive, but I think I'm being a little overbearing and possibly a little needy. I feel like I NEED to be in control, but it's not my business. I feel like I NEED him to want to spend more time with me because he has more time on his hands, but that time happens to be when I'm working. It's a no win situation for him. And yet, I can't stop myself from this behavior. What is that?? It's similar to those times when you start to say something and it's coming out wrong, but you just can't stop yourself! Have you ever had one (or many) of those moments? The chick on your shoulder is saying "Shut the F- up!" and you just keep rambling. Ugh, yeah...

Anyway, Trainer was late getting home from his meeting and then he wasn't rushing to get ready. We were picking up our friends and so I finally asked, "Did you at least call them?" He says, "Yeah." That's it. No more words came from his mouth. Fine. I just read until he was ready to go. Then on the way over we didn't talk at all, it was that uncomfortable silence. So, when we get to New Orleans' apartment I say, "Is it going to be weird like this all night?" And he says, "What are you talking about??" I say, "These one word answers? I'm trying to communicate with you and all I get is a one word answer!" He says, "Whatever." UGH! So, fake it til you make it comes into play and we act like the happy couple that we are. ;) Haha. Trainer was supposed to drive down and I was staying sober and driving back so they could get their drink on at the concert. Well, as soon as we go to pick up the devilish duo New Orleans opens a beer for Trainer. So, I drove both ways. Terrific, that helped my mood.

We get to the venue and Trainer say, "Sorry." But in a way that you know that he's just saying it and not really meaning it. I say, "For what?" and just shrug my shoulders. We go to find our seats and it turns out that we are in the orchestra section...which is the mosh pit area...and there are no chairs. Now, for the true blue concert goer you're thinking, 'Uh, yeah, you stand up the entire concert anyway, what's the big deal?' However with my leg 'issue' I like to sit down every once in a while, but I'll make due. Brassy didn't realize that we didn't have actual seats, but I wasn't mad. Everyone always thinks I'm mad?? What is up with that? Anyway, the music was already going when we got there.

There were five bands in all - Trapt, Sixx: A.M., Papa Roach, Buckcherry and of course the Crue. My favorite was Crue of course, but I have to say that I may start listening to more Papa Roach. He was so good on stage and actually jumped into the mosh pit. Buckcherry...I could leave 'em, not a big fan of their concert, Trapt was new, but good and Sixx: A.M. has some real potential. Their lead guitarist is this crazy kid who resembles Nikki Sixx and looked like he was 17. Tropical storm Dolly blew through so it was nice and cool with a little bit of rain. We were under the covered area so it wasn't bad at all. The boobs were pretty much under "control" until the Tit E. Cam came out with Tommy Lee of Motley Crue. I mean, there were plenty on display...and some amazing feats of defying gravity. We had the trashy 50 year olds trying to look 20 that pulled their tiger striped hooker boots out of the closet and on the other side of the age spectrum we had the 20 year olds that were trying to look just old enough to drink legally.

When Motley Crue took the stage I was amazed, more amazed at how excited I was. I don't even know all the words to all of their songs, but I could sing the chorus with the best of them! I was probably 20 feet away from Nikki, Vince, Tommy and Mick. And let me tell you, Mick Mars can still play a mean guitar, he was amazing, although he really just stood in one spot. Tommy is still sexy in that really, really bad boy way, Nikki still has that I f-ing rock because I came back from the dead...more than once...thing going on and Vince still has the lungs to make you smile and want to take off your clothes.

The three kids drank, but didn't get wasted, that was a relief. I drove us home after stopping off for breakfast/dinner at 1am. I was exhausted and woke up at 8:30am because Fifi just HAD to be fed. Things seem to be better with Trainer and I this morning. But, I'm sure it's all me. I'M better, which makes US better. Who knows. I just hope this all passes soon. I'm not even PMS-ing...WTF. Now it's time for me to stop wasting time...haha...and get ready to go into work. It's going to be a late night tonight...and then tomorrow...Heart, Journey and Cheap Trick. Concert-o-rama baby!

I'll leave you with this question - What do you do to get out of that cycle of self-defeating behavior?

Metal ROCKS

This is the week that Trainer has been waiting almost three months for...Motley Crue is coming to town for CrueFest and we have tickets. I'm a Metal Head by marriage. Any of you who know my background know that I studied classical music, and I grew up listening to the oldies station as far as rock n' roll goes. I was never much of a concert goer, we didn't have the money for it growing up and my musical taste was so non-committal that I didn't want to go see someone just to see them.

Since I started my relationship with Trainer I've been to six (possibly seven) KISS concerts, three Sammy Hagar concerts, an Aerosmith concert (which was f-ing COOL), a Velvet Revolver concert, and a smattering of other hair band concerts. I've also been privileged enough to see some of my favorite acts, but we're just talking about Metal here. Tonight we'll be driving to San Antonio (about an hour and a half or more) to see five heavy metal bands. I'm looking forward to the people watching. If ever I have doubts about how I look, these people always make me feel better. I know, that's a horrible thing to say, but really...these kinds of concerts are where they get those pictures that everyone sends around the Internet such as "white trash tank top." You know the one, where the woman is wearing men's underwear as a tank top?? Yeah, well, I'm looking forward to watching those and the slutty girls at the concert. Maybe I should keep a tally of the number of breasts that I see tonight.

The only bad part, if there is one, is that I'm the designated driver. We're going with Brassy and her beau New Orleans. They are a riot, very sweet and can be LOUD. They also can put down the booze...and then Trainer, being a competitive person with everything, will try and keep up. Good times. Then comes the end of the night where I have to corral them up, get them into the Tahoe and drive back home. I'm hoping that they'll all be good little ones and pass out so I have a quiet trip home...despite the ringing in my ears from being in the seventh row from the stage in the center.

I'll post tomorrow to let you know how it all went down.

I need a wife...

Yes, yes...more ranting about the husbands... Actually I got a call from one of my dearest friends today, I'll keep her anonymous in this one, and she gave me a great topic for today. I think this blog will reach out to most of my friends that have children and even those that do not.

My dear friend is a working mom, she works for a large corporation and is she has a job that is integral to the success of all the employees. She has to travel to get to work, about an hour and a half each way, and has to travel overseas at times. This was never an issue before she had her little one. And even with the little one she still makes it happen. Now...she has her "perfect" husband (in his mind) that also has an important job and he makes important decisions every day. But what makes his job more important than hers? Is it the money? No...they are pretty much equals. Is it the company? Well...no, her company is larger and more widely known than his. Is it their positions? Well...again, only in his mind because he really doesn't have a clue as to what she does.

On the other side of the world there are husbands like Trainer. They don't have the extra responsibility of children. When they make a decision they think that it only affects themselves. Well, I guess that some of the dad's out there do that too, but most think about their children when making decisions.

Which brings me to this point:

Why do men assume that being considerate and helpful is an option?

This is why all women need a wife. Someone that just does things because they need to be done, not to get a thank you. I mean, when the dishwasher needs to be emptied do we say, "Hey honey, I emptied the dishwasher! Isn't that great? Aren't I a good wife??" No, we just do it. When a mother has a sick child who comes first? Certainly not the client or colleague that flew in for a meeting...it is ALWAYS the child first...then the animals...then the husband...then the client...and then MAYBE if there is time left - yourself. A wife would come home and start doing things, feeding the baby, picking up the floor, all the while answering emails and pages and getting dinner started. And the sex...don't get me started on the sex...first you get up at o'dark thirty, then after working a 10 hour day, being in traffic for 2-3 hours, getting the baby from daycare, feeding/changing the baby, making dinner, cleaning up the house, check the last of the emails and putting everyone to bed do you really think sex is an option?

Not all men are like that, some of you got really, really lucky...or your lying....or you just haven't seen the 12 year old husband come out of his shell yet. Oh, he's in there...believe me. Until then, enjoy it. And after that...start looking for a wife.

Pieces of a Puzzle

Today is Easter, although that doesn't mean a lot in our household. It's just another Sunday, except for the fact that the Home Depot was less crowded. In fact I'm drinking my Texspresso in jeans and a t-shirt, sitting on my couch while watching Joes vs. Pros. Have you seen this show? Pretty darn funny...if you like sports. The weather is a little grey and cool, perfect weather to nurse a killer hangover. Too much beer and a lot of extra curricular activities makes me a tired, sore and an oddly happy girl.

The title - Pieces of a Puzzle - is how I describe my relationship with Trainer. When we first started "dating" I would tell my friends that it just fit right. I know, I know...TMI...sorry for those who really know both of us. ;) But really our relationship started off on a physical level and grew from there. And it's been that way ever since. Crazy.

Last night we decided to go grab some beers and listen to live music. You can do that just about anywhere here in Austin. There is this brewery pretty close to our house called NXNW (North by North West) which has tried to mimic the microbrew pubs from the NW. Their Pale Ale is amazing so of course we had to have some of that. We split an appetizer and then a burger and listened to some tunes on the deck. I've been feeling pretty insecure since the Craigslist stuff. Call me crazy, but really...if you found your significant other looking at Casual Encounter ads, no matter how funny they are, wouldn't you feel a little inadequate? No? Well, I was feeling that way. So, with the help of a little liquid courage I decided to bring up the subject again. See, my dear Trainer was looking at these silly ads while I was away in Houston. And of course he still doesn't really know how to erase his history so I found out.

I hadn't said anything about the ads until this point. But as we were listening to the music and halfway through my second beer I brought it up. We talked about it, I told him how it made me feel, he did the adolescent eye roll and claimed it was a guy thing, I gave him the "I'm not trying to be your mother, just your wife" speech and he told me that he would never go there again...and now he knows that I can access the information so he'd better not lie. Whew, glad we got that over with. We left after our third beer and drove home. Of course I was a little worked up so I decided to go to the convenience store and get MORE beer.

We continued to drink and turned on some tunes. Then one thing led to another and I found myself modeling several pieces of lingerie that Trainer had bought me the previous year. I came out of the bedroom to find all of the lights off and all of the candles lit. I was putting on my best "stripper" dance show with the 80s hair-band rock in the background. Pretty good stuff. (I think I've been watching too many episodes of Rock of Love.) Hahaha! The fun lasted until about 2:30am, not a record in our 13 years together, but pretty close. Easter morning was a continuation of the evening. I swear, it was like we were 22 again. I guess sometimes when things are amiss you need to look at the what brought you together and go back...go back to a time when you were just two interlocking pieces of a puzzle.

Internet Porn

Why....why was this created? Wasn't life so much simpler when your significant other could just hide the video or dvd in their sock drawer and you could just pretend that you didn't know? I don't want to take us back to the time of no computers or cell phones, but they were definitely simpler times. Now I have to worry about texting and craigslist...ugh. I shouldn't worry, I know my husband is faithful...so why do I worry? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just not a trusting person. Nah, that's not it. I'm trusting of most people. Too trusting. Something to ponder.

Anyway, have you all been to Craigslist? You can get anything on Craigslist...ANYTHING. A bicycle, a roommate, a quickie for lunch...you know...the essentials! Yeah, NOT kidding. I didn't know that they had such a thing. There are listings on Craigslist for 'Casual Encounters.' Not just Personals, they have those too of course, but CASUAL ENCOUNTERS! I was floored. Anyway, I just happened to notice that my husband was erasing his internet history. And being that I'm smarter than him I found the back way to find out what he was deleting. The usual suspects: Debbie does more than Donuts, Go Black and Never Turn Back, Big *** Shots, etc. Fine, fine...whatever...moving on. (This is the stuff that you can get at the video store and I find to be silly and not too disturbing, fine call me weird.) Then I see a whole bunch of listings for Craigslist Casual Encounters. What's this?

"Hot 29yr old, call me, I'll come over at 7am for a quickie and leave, NSA." Yep, NSA - no strings attached. "Meet me at neighborhood bar, we'll see where it goes, maybe home. Send pic." Of course there are pictures attached. Boob shots, other shots...yeah, pretty. So what does a wife of 8 1/2 years do? I left one of the ads that he had looked at up on the monitor and then put a sticky note on it "Huh, not sure what to think about this..." then down a couple of lines "Going to the store after work, text me if you need anything." Basically, okay jackass, you're caught and you'd better have an explanation...and dinner will be ready when you get home. The Saint calls that behavior passive aggressive. WHAT? ME? No.... ;)

Trainer sends me an email later in the day that say, "Oh honey, no worries, I just think they're funny." Uh-huh...let me tell you what I think is funny! Funny would be your a** being on the streets with no wifey to make you dinner or your mortgage payment! THAT's FUNNY! Sorry, I should have written about this last week when it happened, all of this pent up aggression. Am I worried about him going out and having a fling? Not really. Am I worried that he'll get too drunk while I'm away and do something stupid? Not really, he's a jackass when he's drunk, who would take him?

Well, now I feel better. It's all about letting it out....in the great words of Bad Boys, "Whooosaaaaa" and yes, I'm rubbing my earlobes. I'll write more later kids!

The Perfect Husband

Does he exist? I don't think so...but maybe there is a perfect husband for everyone individually. For example, Trainer may not have made it in any household but my own (most sane women would have thrown him out on his behind by now). For a long time I thought that my husband was the only one who looked at internet porn and just drank to get drunk. But over the years I've found that he's not too abnormal. I won't call it normal, I don't want to generalize and say that all men are sex driven beings with no will power over booze. That's simply not true.

So, last night my dear husband asks me "Hey, would it be okay with you if I hung out with Peter tonight after work?" My response was, "I'm okay with it, I'll have left overs - cool?" His response "COOL!!!" (He LOVES exclamation marks, drives me batty.) Oh, and this is all done by text, I think he feels that it's safer that way. Which brings me to my next point...why even ask? I feel like I'm his mom instead of his wife. Which is another similarity between Trainer and other husbands, what makes them such children after they get married? Sorry, back to the story at hand. So, I don't care that my husband goes out with his friends or over to a friend's house to drink and kick back. I don't care if my husband drinks so much that he can't drive home and has to stay overnight someplace. I DO care that the little rat doesn't call me and tell me that he's going to stay overnight someplace. I was up half the fricken night waiting for a phone call or even a stupid text. Nothing. Nada. Every time I heard a siren I held my breath and waited for the inevitable phone call from the emergency service people. Fortunately that call never came and my husband made it home at 7am with apologies streaming out his mouth as soon as he came through the door.

I have friends who's husbands don't lift a finger to help with housework. I know other husbands who are control freaks with money. I know of husbands and boyfriends who are alcoholics and beat up their loved ones. My husband is none of those. He does 90% of the housework, he handed me the money reins, and he's never laid a hand on me. So do I have a right to complain? Hell yeah I do!

How can the men in our lives make us feel SO insignificant? We are strong women, the lot that I know are incredibly strong. Trainer can make me feel like a crazy, paranoid bi*ch who should be on her way to the loony bin. I swear it would be easier if I were a lesbian. I'm not keen on the girl/girl thing...tried it once, not sure if I liked it...I was in a tequila induced happy state. See, I told you that you may learn something new about me. I didn't say that it was information that you WANTED to know. ;)

For now I'll keep my sanity and maybe buy some spy ware and a GPS tracking device that I can secretly inject into Trainer's arm to keep up with his shenanigans. Nope, I'm not paranoid...not me...