Wednesday, April 30, 2008
So today I write about women. How do we get it all done? Here are the great quotes that got me started:
"how we can’t seem to get enough done, work enough, help make the world a better place enough, make enough money, teach our children enough, exercise enough, play with or walk our dogs enough, eat healthy enough, keep our houses clean enough, keep our bodies looking polished enough…" -Sexy Hippy
"I’ve got strong women, strength to overcome incredible odds on the brain… being our mother’s daughters" - The Saint
One kind of answers the other don't you think? Women DO things because they just do. If it needs to get done we do it and sometimes it costs a great sacrifice to ourselves. Can we do it all? I say - yes...eventually. Do things slip through the cracks? I say - yes, but not the really important things. Do we lose our identity? I say - yes, but we find it again, and again, it just takes longer than we think it should some times.
Think about your Mother. Do you think she did everything right? In my case...I think not. BUT, she did everything she could to the best of her abilities and did it better than HER mother. I didn't realize this until I was almost 30 years old. Was our house perfect? No, it was "lived in", which is code for messy, but not dirty. Did she succumb to the weight pressures of the world? Yes, she was always on a diet. Did she make the world a better place? Yes, I think so. She worked at our school so she could be home with us and the neighbor kids until their parents got home. She raised me, so there you go...the world is a better place! HAHA! Kidding. But really, she gave me a sense of right and wrong and filled me with guilt so I wouldn't do stupid things.
Now, how do we take what our Mother's did and apply it in today's world where there are cell phones and computers and it seems like things are going 100 miles per hour? We dig deep and find some strength that we were SURE wasn't there.
I get up in the morning, brush my teeth and get out the door to meet my exercise partner, I come back and walk the pups, I come back and make the coffee and unload the dishwasher while my minute oatmeal is cooking...I say hello to Trainer and make him some oatmeal too (sometimes he does it), and then with my bowl and coffee in hand I take a shower and think about everything that needs to get done today. I eat and blow dry my hair. And then I feed the pups and head off to work. I try and meet my deadlines and balance that with my social interactions via email. I leave work at the last possible moment, get home and feed the pups again, sort the mail and look at my menu to see what I'm making for dinner. I plan in my head what I have to prep ahead of time and do that before I get ready to go swimming. I drive to swimming and make phone calls trying to keep in touch with my family and friends, every 10 minute conversation is precious and if I have to leave a message I'll do my best to make it a message that will make the person laugh or at least know that I love them. I swim and try not to be defeated by the water and the fact that I'm not good at it yet. I drive home, stop at the store to pick up the items that I don't have for dinner and go home and finish dinner. I serve the two of us, clean up the kitchen and sit on the couch with the pups to give them some much needed lovin'. I read a chapter in my book, get my water, take my gazillion pills and kiss Trainer good night. And start the ritual all over the next morning, tweaked with the next days activities.
Now, remember that I do not have children and will never be faced with that challenge. On the other hand I will never know what it is like to have someone look into my eyes and say "I love you Mommy." I can't begin to imagine what life with a child is like. No working out before work...unless you get up at 3-4am and do a stealth run on the treadmill. No swimming lessons...unless it's the kid's swim lessons. But, all of the mother's that I know manage to get it all done. I'm constantly amazed at the bandwidth of a mother. This of course is another post all in itself for I could go on and on about it.
I have friends who have overcome the most devastating situations. Did they think that they could make it? No, not at the time, but they are still with us and stronger than ever. And I'm SO grateful to know these people because they share their knowledge and I become stronger just from knowing them. We share, we love, we evolve...every single day.
Can we save the world? I say - No, but we can try. Can we make a difference? I say - Hell yes we can, one life, one day, one minute at a time.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Legs was out this weekend, a very impromptu trip with her husband to see some of his college friends. Well, let me re-phrase, they are his very good friends that he MET in college. They stayed with his best buddy....hmmm...I need a name for him because he may pop up more than once. We'll call him the Connector. I know, I come up with the weirdest crap. It's a good name for him because that is what he does. He connects people with people, and is a great mediator. In fact that is what is going to make him successful in his new job. Sorry, sorry...off task. I tend to do that, tangents, I love them. See...there I go again. ANYWAY Legs was up and a group of us went to dinner on Friday night. Then on Saturday I picked her up and we did cool girl stuff. Like eat breakfast with yummy coffee and then went and got pedicures. The greatest thing about my friends, and Legs in particular, is that we can sit together, read magazines and have no need to talk. It's refreshing, it's calming, it's wonderful. Don't get me wrong...y'all know I LOVE to talk and I'm a chatty girl, but sometimes the silence that is only broken by a turning page is awesome and needed. This is where my topic of "A woman's identity" came up. I'm not going to blog about it today, but expect to see it soon. I just have to organize some of my own thoughts on that one.
Saturday day Trainer and I went and had lunch on South Congress. I love SoCo, it's so hip and cool. Some days I feel cool just by being down there and some times I feel old, I try and focus on the cool part. We ate at a very mediocre restaurant and then had some fantastic coffee at Jo's. On the way home we ran errands and then Trainer went and ran in the 80 degree (feels like 90) heat and I got ready for the evening. We went to a seafood fest at Minnesota's house. She is awesome and is high up in the non-profit world in Austin. We were introduced to some really interesting people that we may (or may not) see again. All about our age and a couple in our situation. That would be the DINK situation. Double income no kids...just in case you hadn't heard of that. About half way through my second beer Home Girl and Home Boy walk in! Very cool since we LUV them. They are so fun to hang out with. So, I ask Home Girl if she wants a drink and she says yes so we go in the house because she like Vodka drinks and the booze in inside. I say "So, what'll it be?" and she says - pause for effect - "Um, something non-alcoholic." (EFFIN 'A' ) "You're pregnant." And then I jumped up and down and hugged her because I'm SO happy for them. Of course, like all of you OTHER people, it wasn't supposed to quite happen yet, but oh well...it did.
For the rest of the evening I was giving Home Boy a hard time about being a sissy drinker and of course what do men do when that happens? They drink MORE...hahaha....I'm hoping that Home Boy is hurting today. I know Trainer is. They had a keg...unlimited access to beer that you don't have to open...that spells trouble. The funny thing is that every time I saw Trainer that night he would say, "I can't believe that Home Girl is pregnant." Over and over...and what was the first thing that tumbled out of his mouth (besides - I drank too much)? That's right "Dude, I can't believe that Home Girl is knocked up!" My take on it is that we have a DD for about 3 months. The first three months, no way - she's tired and sick and being flooded with hormones. The second three months, we'll be ALL over that noise! (Sorry Home Girl - kind of) And the last three months, again, no way - she'll be getting uncomfortable and really jealous that she can't join in the festivities....and then she'll start to get miserable and want the kid OUT. Yeah, so there is this three month sweet spot and I fully intend to take advantage of my friend. :) And I have to laugh because this is the couple that would call and say, 'Hey, we need some non-kid people time.' HAHAHAHA!
After they left Minnesota turned on her karaoke game. OMG - there is this microphone device that you put chips in and hook it up to the TV and it has hundreds of songs available. I had had a couple of beers so I was game. PLUS, most people out there don't know that I actually can sing. I haven't done karaoke since I left AZ. Well, we were all taking turns - Me, Minnesota and this little 9 year old bratty kid. Okay, okay, I don't know if she's really truly bratty, but WHY was she there at MIDNIGHT taking up turns??? Sorry, mini-rant. Anyway, Minnesota started us off with some ABBA, very cool. I did a Bangles song and had the highest score (yes, this game ACTUALLY scores you) and then the little girl went. She tied my score...I had to sing another one....I sang the Rose and got a 98! WOOHOO! No one can beat that right?? The little girl sang fricken Twinkle, Twinkle Little Effin A! And WHAT score does she get???? A fricken 99!!! NO EFFING WAY! I was pissed....because a sucky little, bratty, shouldn't even be up 9 year old beat me. I ALMOST, repeat almost, sang Twinkle, Twinkle myself to see if I could beat her. Do you people SEE why I could never have children? I was able to walk away without embarrassing myself. Lucky for me Trainer was ready to go home.
Trainer drank too much, again keg, te-kil-ya shot, and the knowledge that the one person he really likes in Austin is going to be a father..yeah he's a hurtin today. I got up, made my pot o'coffee, grabbed the laptop, returned to bed, turned on ESPN, and got comfortable so I could write my blog. I love that Sexy Hippy reads my blog with her coffee on Sundays, so I have to make sure she has something to read that is less depressing than the paper and slightly more entertaining than the comics....maybe....I hope.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Why in the heck am I riding to work today? Well, I decided that someone in our household has to start cutting expenses with the new endeavor happening soon. (That would be Trainer going into business for himself.) I thought that if I rode my bike to work 2x a week I could potentially save about $75 a month in fuel. That is $900 a year saved. Which to some people isn't a lot, but that will make a difference to us. PLUS, I'll be getting into shape and helping the environment. The coolest part is that my maiden ride just happened to fall on EARTH DAY! What are YOU doing for the earth today?
Okay, short little blog for the morning, I may be back to give you a little more. Until then...recycle something.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
So, I was driving back from my 4 mile walk/run with the Democrat and I was thinking about all of my friends. My Diva Girls have a gig today and I'm sad, but happy. Happy for them, sad for me...yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself so deal with it. That's what brought on some of these memories today. There are SO many moments that make me just smile and I thought I'd share a few with you all. These are just snippets of course, I could go ON and ON and the ones reading about themselves would be delighted, but I'm afraid some of the readers might get a bit bored. I can't please everyone, but I always try!
Hoe - Now, she's not one of the Divas, but I have had a lot of kick ass times with her. Good, bad, ugly...funny. One of my favorite memories is during the summer of 1993. I had stayed in AZ for summer session and I attended the first. For the second I skipped out of AZ without my parents knowledge and flew to Upstate NY to join Hoe for some summer fun. We were staying with her Grandma W. We had use of her car and one night we decided to sneak out of the house and go to a party that this guy Bumbler was having. Well, we obviously didn't have permission so we had to roll the car out of the driveway...which was right next to Grandma's window. We managed to do it! We really pushed the car out of the driveway without Grandma waking up. We went to the party, laughing the whole way because we got away with it. This was also the night of "pinkie guy" who if you use your imagination...you'll figure out what the "pinkie" means. Ahhh, I know, I'm leaving a lot out...but Hoe will get it.
The Director - One of the Divas and one of the people that truly understand my mind...as scary as that is. ;) Anyway, one of my favorite memories with her is during Soul Mate's bachelorette party down in Mexico. There were some people who had to fly back early and we drove, so the Director and I drove them up to San Diego from Mexico and then back down to rejoin the party. After we dropped the people off at the airport we drove around San Diego with all the windows down and the sun roof open, our hair whipping in the wind, sunglasses on and the Dixie Chicks blasting in the background. We stopped at this hotel called The Del something or other, and got some coffee and drank it on the beach in silence. Just us, the sun and the waves crashing on to the beach. It was magical.
Tiny Dancer - Another Diva...one that knows my emotional being. One of my favorite memories with her is when we were both living up in the NW, I was in Portland and she was in Seattle. She was part of a dance troupe called F3 (f cubed) and I went up to see her dance. I think it was the first time I met her now husband too. Of course her mom was there and I was tasked with keeping her out of Dancer's hair. ;) I'm good with the moms. Anyway, just watching her perform brings out something SO deeply emotional in me...and I don't even think she knows how she affects people, especially me.
Soul Mate - Oh, I have SO many memories with her. But one of my all time favorites and one of our firsts is driving from Phoenix to Boulder, our first road trip with our college a'cappella group. I ate Smart Corn the whole way and got sick since I'm allergic and we stayed up all night talking about our families, our hopes...our dreams. She told me at that time that all she ever wanted was to be a mother. At the time I was like, "huh, okay" but now that she's arrived at that juncture I get it. We found out on that trip that we are truly soul mates.
The Executive - Hahaha, I laugh when I think of this memory. Some of you were there...we were hanging out at her apartment and her roommate wasn't home. Just being goofy girls, drinking...kind of smoking...and she said, "Helen..." like the lady on the commercial. You know the one...the one that is telling you NOT to smoke? Anyway, it was a really funny, goofy, good time. I know...it's one of those 'had to be there' things, but seriously...I hope she's cracking up right now.
Sexy Hippy - Oh, this child...at first I really didn't like her. I know, I'm horrible. But seriously she was too perfect and sweet...and annoying. She even asked me, "you don't like me do you?" and I said, "nope." Poor thing...I was so mean. Anyway one of my favorite memories of her was when I came back from the NW. There had been a small falling out in the group at the time and I really wasn't a part of it. So I agreed to meet her at Macayo's and we had greasy yummy Mexican food and dished about life. She had dyed her hair a dark reddish brown color and looked stunning of course (bi*ch!), but she was softer and vulnerable. It isn't a funny memory, but it's special to me because it was real. In my world she went from sex kitten to earth goddess.
The Saint - I tell you, with ALL of these girls it's so hard to pick out one memory. This one was far back...we were all hanging out at Sunny's pizza (which really no longer exists) and eating. Soul Mate and I always teased people and the Saint was frequently a target. This particular night Soul Mate wasn't in attendance so I was on my own. The Saint was talking, talking, talking....still talking and I said, "are you STILL talking?" and she went OFF on me. She told me off down to the next level and threw out how Soul Mate and I were always picking on her and she was sick of it. I was so proud of her at that moment. It didn't stop us from picking on her any more, and I let Soul Mate hear about how she left me taking the fall for all of it. The thing was that we really liked her...a lot. We became much closer after that incident. But really, it's always a wonder to see someone snap and stand up for themselves.
Legs - Hahah, oh hell... This favorite memory of ours is the one night that we closed together at Crapplebee's. We decided that we should go back to her place because she had a couple of bottles of wine. Cheap wine. I think we ended up drinking OUT of the bottles...really classy. Anyway, the next day we were supposed to be training some new chick at the store. Well, the manager ended up CALLING us in the morning because we missed the alarm. We awoke to a big red stain on the carpet where someone (uh-hmmm) had thrown up red wine. Legs ended up sitting in the walk in cooler all morning and I kept putting my head in the ice machine every time I came into the back...at least now we buy good wine.
Sportsmama - Previously know as 80s Chick. Haha, we have a lot of memories. She was with me when I got my first speeding ticket. One memory that sticks out with her is driving down the road to a concert in her car and looking down and seeing the ground. Seriously, there was no floor board in her car!
Yoga Babe - Again, so many memories. Of my AZ friends she is one of the newest additions. But she became very important to me very quickly. One of my favorite memories of her is when we were training for the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Francisco. We trained on hills since we knew San Fran is FULL of hills. The race route said that mile 7 was a killer so we trained HARD. Anyway, there was this really steep hill and YB said, "have you seen Captain America?" I hadn't so I said no. Well, there is a part where the characters start singing and every phrase ends with "F--- Yeah!" So, on the way up the hill...at 6am...we were singing, "Yoga Babe and Myself are kick ass runners - F--- Yeah!" then we kept making up different phrases...I know, I know...you had to be there. But if was a Effin good time I tell you.
Oh, so many memories...and there are more...some funny, some touching, some sad. And I know this post is a weird one because I think as a whole it's confusing, but for the individual you'll understand. My friends are so important to me and I miss them. I miss singing with them, I miss running with them, I just miss being with them. I feel like I'm missing out on so much while I'm here in Austin, but it is what I needed to do for myself. I may not be with you right now, but I see plenty of memories in our future. I love you all!!!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
My dear friend is a working mom, she works for a large corporation and is she has a job that is integral to the success of all the employees. She has to travel to get to work, about an hour and a half each way, and has to travel overseas at times. This was never an issue before she had her little one. And even with the little one she still makes it happen. Now...she has her "perfect" husband (in his mind) that also has an important job and he makes important decisions every day. But what makes his job more important than hers? Is it the money? No...they are pretty much equals. Is it the company? Well...no, her company is larger and more widely known than his. Is it their positions? Well...again, only in his mind because he really doesn't have a clue as to what she does.
On the other side of the world there are husbands like Trainer. They don't have the extra responsibility of children. When they make a decision they think that it only affects themselves. Well, I guess that some of the dad's out there do that too, but most think about their children when making decisions.
Which brings me to this point:
Why do men assume that being considerate and helpful is an option?
This is why all women need a wife. Someone that just does things because they need to be done, not to get a thank you. I mean, when the dishwasher needs to be emptied do we say, "Hey honey, I emptied the dishwasher! Isn't that great? Aren't I a good wife??" No, we just do it. When a mother has a sick child who comes first? Certainly not the client or colleague that flew in for a meeting...it is ALWAYS the child first...then the animals...then the husband...then the client...and then MAYBE if there is time left - yourself. A wife would come home and start doing things, feeding the baby, picking up the floor, all the while answering emails and pages and getting dinner started. And the sex...don't get me started on the sex...first you get up at o'dark thirty, then after working a 10 hour day, being in traffic for 2-3 hours, getting the baby from daycare, feeding/changing the baby, making dinner, cleaning up the house, check the last of the emails and putting everyone to bed do you really think sex is an option?
Not all men are like that, some of you got really, really lucky...or your lying....or you just haven't seen the 12 year old husband come out of his shell yet. Oh, he's in there...believe me. Until then, enjoy it. And after that...start looking for a wife.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Just recently my Soul Mate got a job at 'buckies. I'm so jealous. She gets free coffee drinks before work...after work...during work....my, my, my. AND she gets a free pound of coffee or some kind of tea every week. Can you believe it? SHE gets FREE COFFEE! And she doesn't even like the stuff. Life is funny isn't it?
I guess I could get a part time gig at Starbucks. I wonder if they go through your financial statements before they hire you... I imagine that if they see too many Starbucks transactions they probably wouldn't hire you because their profit margins would go down. Hmmm...something to ponder. AND I would have to have the motivation to work two jobs. Hats off to Soul Mate for taking that on. Stay at home Super Mom by day, Super HOT Barista by night. I would be Super JACKED up Barista by night and Super Hungover needing a caffeine fix by day. Guess that wouldn't work out would it?
I know, I know, this isn't a very interesting blog today. I don't feel interesting today. I feel bloated, anxious and annoyed. Good combo huh? Boy, I can't wait for swimming lessons tomorrow night. Until later my friends...have a shot of espresso and think of me.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
This past weekend Trainer and I got swim gear to start swimming, something neither of us know how to do, but we both want to do triathlons and swimming (duh) is a part of that. We went to the triathlon store and we had help getting goggles, swim caps and suits. Now, I'm large chested so I asked for a suit that had an under-wire for a little support. The lady showed me two suits, one was charcoal and the other was a blue crazy patterned something....I picked the charcoal one. I tried it on and even bought the bigger size for a little more coverage. I thought it looked "cute"...well, as cute as a suit can look in fluorescent lights. I was pretty excited about swim lessons, especially after I had all my matching gear!
So, last night I started having some anxiety about swimming. I don't like trying new things that are foreign to me. For example, if i wanted to pick up the guitar I could do that because of my background in music, but this athletic stuff? Ugh, no go. Anyway I convinced myself that I paid money to get the suit, the cap and the goggles so I HAD to do it, I was invested. By the time I got to the pool I was in a cold sweat, but I went up to the counter and said, "I'm here for the adult swim class" and the counter lady said, "GREAT! Welcome, you're going to have fun." Riiiight, because drowning is fun...uh-huh. After I paid I waited on the bleachers for the kids to get done in the pool. There were kids everywhere, on the bleachers, in the pool, in the bigger lap pool...everywhere. And, I knew, they were all better than me. Ugh. What did I get myself into? This girl sat next to me and asked if I was doing the adult classes, she was too. So I went in to the pool with her. She wore board shorts and didn't want to take them off because she said she was uncomfortable....and she was about 110lbs. Okay, well, I didn't have board shorts so I took my clothes off until I was just left with my suit that felt like it was a second skin. Oh well, here we go!
The pool was nice and warm, thank goodness - I hate cold water- and I bobbed over to the instructor and she asked me if I swam. I said, "Well, no...I never learned how to swim properly." Um...duh...THAT'S why I'm in lessons! She looked at me and said, "What are your expectations then?" OMG, so I explained that I can float and swim with my head above the water, but I wanted to learn the correct (more efficient) way to swim. Fine, fine...so we started warming up with push offs. All you do is push off of the wall with your feet, put your head in the water and make it across the pool, which is a very short distance. Yeah! I can do that! Well, guess what else happened? I look down and there are the girls. Sitting pretty in the water, as in they were almost OUT of my suit and in the water! Ugh! So, I discreetly push my girls back into place and wait for the next exercise. They decided to split the class in half and I went off with three other women and we had the girl instructor. The next thing we learned was to do the arm movements. Now, think about that. Your arms extend and make a full circle...and when you do that what happens to your chest? RIGHT. As I was going back and forth across the pool I was very aware that my girls were trying to escape. My attention was focused on them instead of swimming and I kept getting water up my nose because I was trying to look down under water.
What a nightmare. Every time I stopped I had to pull my suit up and stuff them down. Even the girl next to me commented on it. "Looks like your falling out!" Ummm, yeah, thanks for letting me know...I didn't notice! WTF! By the end of the class we had learned all of the steps that will go together to do a proper freestyle stroke. Yeah me! I can do it, I can swim...even if my suit is falling off. The last parting comment from my class mate was, "Ha, looks like you needed a smaller boob job." Dude, she thinks I had a boob job, seriously...how depressing is that? On one hand I'm like, "Hell yeah, they're still lookin' good" and on the other hand I was like "That damn Dr, making me look like I was "in proportion"."
I got out of the pool, changed in the locker room so I didn't have to go home in wet clothes and guess what I forgot? Yep, forgot my bra. So I continued my "freestyle" all the way home.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Yes, so after watching The Sports Reporters and Sports Center followed by my favorite Rock of Love and drinking an entire pot of coffee...we decided that it would be a great day for a ride. I looked out the window and it was a little windy and believe me when I say that the wind can ruin a perfect ride. It didn't look bad though so Trainer got the bikes ready while I changed into the most unflattering gear ever and filled up the water bottles. Seriously, who the F- - - designed riding gear? Now yes, it's functional, and you really don't think about it once you're on your bike, but really...unflattering. I may have to invest in a riding skirt, I'm not kidding.
We started off riding through the neighborhood and then turned on to the local Autobahn where the speed limit is 60mph but the average driver is going about 85mph. The sun was out, it was about 72 degrees, just perfect and I was feeling pretty good. I'm a much better cyclist than I am a runner. I'm more comfortable on the bike and I can go for a much longer period of time. However, since I haven't been on my bike for so long I was starting to hurt when we were only 2 1/2 miles into the ride. Yikes. That's not good. Cycling is more involved than people realize. Of course your legs are working, but so is your core, your upper body and most of all your mind. You can't zone out or you might become road kill. So we're riding on this FM road (Farm to Market) with the crazy drivers and it's a rolling hills kind of road. Although I must say that it feels more uphill than downhill for "rolling." My nether region starts to get a little sore from the seat around 10 miles and Trainer asks how much farther I want to go and before my a** has time to answer my mouth said, "I think I can make it 5 more." WHAT??? Yes, so we went an additional 5...kilometers, thank goddess.
After I caught up to Trainer at the turn point we started up again. See, when we ride it's really not together. He goes, and goes...and I constantly try to catch up, which I never do, and he constantly looks over his shoulder to make sure that he can see the speck behind him that would be me. The really sucky thing about the ride back, besides the part where my who-ha is screaming for me to PUH-LEASE stop, was that it was windy, really windy...and we were going INTO the wind. I had it on one of the easiest gears and I felt like I was trying to climb a mountain with a 50 pound weight attached to my back. Yes, the wind makes you feel like you are standing still, well except for when it is tossing you from side to side on the shoulder of the road. I tried to keep my head down for better aerodynamic flow, but then I started seeing spots. My heart rate was up, my mouth was dry from sucking wind, my legs were jelly and my who-ha was numb, but not numb enough not to feel the pain. I got caught at a couple of lights, that were MINUTES long, and Trainer would wait patiently for me to eventually get through and we finally made it home. 26.2 miles of riding, and I'm out of riding shape.
When we rolled up to the house I had visions of just running my bike into the big elm tree in the front. Maybe that would pop me off without having to swing my leg over the back of the bike. But, I didn't run into the tree. I DID stop by the truck to help balance myself while I clipped out of my pedals...oh yes, you are LOCKED in to those pedals, no escape until you clip out. Then I gingerly walked my bike up to the garage and hobbled into the house. I peeled off my clothes and got into the shower where I realized that my who-ha felt like I'd had a very good three days in bed. However, there was no pleasure with this experience, just pain.
Today I woke up in pain. Today I wore a dress so that there was no pressure anywhere. Today I'm actually in a good mood despite the pain. Today I decided that I'm going to start riding again, two times a week. Today...I should be committed.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Okay, so I do Weight Watchers. I have for years now. Good for me right? Wrong. Well kind of anyway. WW is a "life style not a diet" so really I'm supposed to apply those guidelines to my every day life. However, I made my lifetime weight (a goal set by yourself and the WW corporation that puts you within a healthy weight for your height and age) and as you can probably guess...I didn't keep it off. I'm a stress eater. Not emotional, don't get those mixed up. If Trainer decided to do something really stupid and it made me upset I wouldn't eat, I would have no appetite, but when I have a deadline or have to work long hours to get a critical project done (which happens often) I eat. I eat crap. Today is going to be one of those days.
I walk in to work this morning, and I'm doing pretty good, it's 8:30am. My schedule is pretty flexible as long as I get my work done. And since I'm not a morning person I take FULL advantage of that flexibility, usually rolling into the office between 8:30 and 9:30. As I said, I'm doing pretty good this morning. I get to my cubicle in the cube farm and log into the computer. There is an email from the Director of Ops saying that today was the last day for donations for a baby present for one of her staff. So, I mosey down to her office to give her some cash (hey, I'm a team player) and on the way one of my favorite engineers is standing there with a box. Someone say, "Hey, so and so has donuts." Crap, I love donuts. NO nutritional value what-so-ever, but dammit they're good. I started to gravitate and I said, "No, nope, not gonna do it. I had my oatmeal, it was SO good...I don't need a donut." and passed on by. On the way back they jeered at me, "Are you SURE you don't want a donut? Look...they're calling to you." Bastards.
I get back to my desk and open up the programs that I'll be working with today and grab my coffee cup to get coffee. I walk into the break room to be confronted by muffins. Those big, moist, double chocolate chip and butter rum muffins. Oh my...and they're right in front of the coffee pots. Crap, crap, crap. Deep breath...get your coffee and RUN. I do, I get out just in time. Whew. Saved myself hundreds of calories. I did it, I'm back at my desk. So, I'm working away (and this is BEFORE I started my blog) and my co-worker comes in late. Not as in - she's LATE, but later than me. I make no judgements about when people are here, as long as it doesn't affect me. Anyway, I smell it before I see her...oh double crap...what does she have in her hands??? A box full of breakfast tacos. And these are GOOD breakfast tacos. Homemade tortillas stuffed with eggs, cheese and potato. Effin, effin, effin 'A'!!! That's it. I break down. And now I'm sitting here typing and eating a fatty breakfast taco with salsa AND an old fashioned donut. I'm sorry... I know, I'm disappointed too, but I'm not THAT strong. I guess being tempted three times in less than an hour will break a person.
I've just been informed of what we're having for lunch today...pizza. You all know how much I love pizza. My WW points are shot for the day. It's just going to be one of those days. I get 22 points a day, I've already consumed 13...at 10am people. That's 9 left for the day and a slice of pizza is 5-9 points depending on the type. Guess who's going to be eating carrots for dinner...effin 'A' man...effin 'a'.