It's Saturday night and I'm waiting for the time to go by so Yoga Zen Babe can come pick me up with Mr. YZB and Baby YZB. We're going to Trainer's open house tonight. So...I'm bored and I'm reading blogs, check in on my facebook and reading the notifications. A theme amongst my friends..."Looking forward to Seven tonight..." is on several of their pages. Oh.
On one hand, good for them. I'm glad that they are getting together to hang out, support one another, drink wine and talk, talk, talk. On the other hand...blasted. I hate not being there. I hate missing out. I hate not making up part of the Seven. I'm sad. It makes me realize just how far away Texas is.
Yesterday I tried to get a hold of a couple of them. No one answered. Today, same thing. So I left my typical, "I'm thinking of you, call me back if you can.." messages. No calls back. Not even from my parents!! I think life just happens like that you know?
I've had a couple of very hard, stressful weeks with my co-worker being out. (If he's not back at work on Monday morning I'm going to hunt his ass down!) My neck is so stiff that it's about to lock up again. The culmination of everything that has happened between Trainer and I this past year was discussed on Thursday and though we're moving on it still burns a little bit (as it should.) I'm on my period so everything is emotional and 10x worse in my head than it is in reality. (Sorry, should have prefaced with a TMI Girl Style for that last one.) Plus I'm trying to be upbeat for this silly open house and pushing all this other crap just below the surface. The insecurities, the feeling fat and unattractive, feeling unwanted...or rather unNEEDED...forgotten.
And in my logical mind I know that all of that is bullshit. I'm not that fat, just a little chubby even though I run 3-4x a week and eat healthy 90% of the time. I'm attractive from what people tell me, I mean I'm not like Halle Berry beautiful, but I can take a decent picture. I'm definitely not unwanted, I know that. I have friends here that want to hang out and my friends away would love for me to hang out, I'm just not there. Which is the next thing...I'm not unneeded (I know that's not a word, give me a break, I'm in the darkness!! Oh wait, it IS a word!), I have a lot of people who need me. Not necessarily to do things for them, but just to be there. Which is how it should be. And lastly I know I'll never be forgotten. Not by my Seven Diva girls, not by my new friends here, not by my old co-workers.
But here I am, in the partial darkness, feeling sad. And talking to a F-ing computer. Stupid. I'll get over it, probably by the end of the evening.
Holy crap....you all are going to get tired of me. I wrote three blogs today...
Update - the Saint did call me. Thank god. Now I feel like a baby. Oh well. Time to get ready. And don't worry all...no need to call. I'm okay.