Saturday, September 20, 2008

And darkness falls

It's Saturday night and I'm waiting for the time to go by so Yoga Zen Babe can come pick me up with Mr. YZB and Baby YZB. We're going to Trainer's open house tonight. So...I'm bored and I'm reading blogs, check in on my facebook and reading the notifications. A theme amongst my friends..."Looking forward to Seven tonight..." is on several of their pages. Oh.

On one hand, good for them. I'm glad that they are getting together to hang out, support one another, drink wine and talk, talk, talk. On the other hand...blasted. I hate not being there. I hate missing out. I hate not making up part of the Seven. I'm sad. It makes me realize just how far away Texas is.

Yesterday I tried to get a hold of a couple of them. No one answered. Today, same thing. So I left my typical, "I'm thinking of you, call me back if you can.." messages. No calls back. Not even from my parents!! I think life just happens like that you know?

I've had a couple of very hard, stressful weeks with my co-worker being out. (If he's not back at work on Monday morning I'm going to hunt his ass down!) My neck is so stiff that it's about to lock up again. The culmination of everything that has happened between Trainer and I this past year was discussed on Thursday and though we're moving on it still burns a little bit (as it should.) I'm on my period so everything is emotional and 10x worse in my head than it is in reality. (Sorry, should have prefaced with a TMI Girl Style for that last one.) Plus I'm trying to be upbeat for this silly open house and pushing all this other crap just below the surface. The insecurities, the feeling fat and unattractive, feeling unwanted...or rather unNEEDED...forgotten.

And in my logical mind I know that all of that is bullshit. I'm not that fat, just a little chubby even though I run 3-4x a week and eat healthy 90% of the time. I'm attractive from what people tell me, I mean I'm not like Halle Berry beautiful, but I can take a decent picture. I'm definitely not unwanted, I know that. I have friends here that want to hang out and my friends away would love for me to hang out, I'm just not there. Which is the next thing...I'm not unneeded (I know that's not a word, give me a break, I'm in the darkness!! Oh wait, it IS a word!), I have a lot of people who need me. Not necessarily to do things for them, but just to be there. Which is how it should be. And lastly I know I'll never be forgotten. Not by my Seven Diva girls, not by my new friends here, not by my old co-workers.

But here I am, in the partial darkness, feeling sad. And talking to a F-ing computer. Stupid. I'll get over it, probably by the end of the evening.

Holy all are going to get tired of me. I wrote three blogs today...

Update - the Saint did call me. Thank god. Now I feel like a baby. Oh well. Time to get ready. And don't worry need to call. I'm okay.


Sexy Hippy (why not?!) said...

For the record, you didn't call me. You never do. Try it sometime. You might like it.

YZB said...

At risk of sounding...ummmm...needy, I need you. Oh goodness how I need you. Maybe I should tell you that more often.

You looked TOTALLY hot tonight at the shin-dig. Like, ridiculously so. I felt like Polly Plainjane standing next to you.

Call me after your massage and we'll walk somewhere.

Rockin Austin said...

Sexy Hippy - You're right...I should try it. I WILL try it. Love you.

YZB - Oh sweetie, I love that you are here!! Yes, we'll walk today after the massage and thanks for saying that I looked hot. I think the Lesbians were checking me out at the end of the night. Yehoo!!

Sexy Hippy (why not?!) said...

Sorry for bitching. I just miss you and would love for you to call me for once. I'm actually quite fun to talk to sometimes - I can't get naked for you or anything like I usually do in person but...

As for Friday night, here's a thought to make you smile (care of the fabulous Rock Band video game):

Soul Mate on drums, Director on guitar, Tiny Dancer on bass, Executive and Saint as back-up singin' "flygirls" with me writhing on the floor (and feeling up Tiny Dancer) wailing in my best Blondie voice, "Call me!! On the line. You can call me, any, anytime. Call me!!"

How appropriate.

Next time, we need you on cowbell.

fattygetsfit said...

dont know you in person, or what you look like, but i'm sure you're a beautiful person inside and are very brave to share your feelings!!! keep up the hard work

Slick said...

Awwwww girl...

I know how it is when you're feeling blue.

I was like that last week right before South Carolina fumbled the ball in their own end zone and Georgia picked it up.


Trish misses Texas too.

Hopefully you're out of the blues now.

The Sports Mama said...

**note to self: call Verizon because I apparently missed that call**

Dude... I always answer. And occasionally, I can even put my narcissistic neediness on the backburner. You know, for someone important.

You know I love you. I know I don't need to say that, even though I do. Often.

I really am sorry that I allowed my self-sbsorbtion (I know that's a word, but it doesn't look right spelled like that) to overshadow things in our talk on Friday morning.

Call me, ok?