Friday, September 12, 2008

Freaky Friday - Toyzzzzz

Sorry about the, I hate when it gets in the way.

Today is Freaky Friday where I get to talk about things that are funny, naughty and the kind of stuff that I would dish about with my girlfriends if we were all together. I have had some input by my trusty readers and I'm sure the comments will be just as entertaining.

I got my first "toy" when I lived up in Oregon. At that time Trainer had left me up in Oregon on my own, I had my work friends and a roommate, but that was it. I must add that I was in the BEST shape of my life then...all I did was workout. Sorry...tangent...back to the toy story (hahahaha). My best friend up in Oregon at the time was older than me, by I think 5 years. She was wise, she took me to buy my first vibrator. It was named the "Green Machine" and was a slim line, pretty basic toy. Any Boy Oh BOY was it fabulous!! The GM and I were fast friends and we saw each other at least once a week if not more often. (I did have a roommate after all.)

My second toy I bought on my own. I went to the sex shop late at night with all the perverts (what did that make me??) and looked for what I NEEDED at that point. The vibrator was great and all...but I needed something more. So I bought my first jelly/realistic looking toy. Trainer and I were having a long distance relationship at this time so I was having sex maybe once every 2-3 months. I am a sexual being who needs sex weekly. Sad, but true. So, the combined jelly plus the GM...heaven. For some unknown reason I threw them away when I left Oregon. Maybe I had this fantasy of never needing them again...riiiiight. That was before I hit 30 and before my libido skyrocketed.

Third toy...Old St. Prick. Yep, it was a x-mas gift from Tiny Dancer and it was shaped like a regular vibrator with the head of St. Nick and his cap was the g-spot bonus. :) Yes, it was kind of creepy having the face of old Santa on my vibrator, but desperate times...

My next couple of toys I got through Xandria, the online/through the mail adult store. Now I have a mini cabinet dedicated to all of my toys. My prize possession being the "Rabbit"...glorious. Now, I guess I'm an overly sexed person. I like sex in almost all forms. And sex WITH If you've never tried it don't knock it...and seriously...try it.

I guess I kind of got to a point, more so when I hit 30, that I couldn't hold out for the real thing. I'll take that when I can get it, of course, but it seems like he switched roles. He's always tired, sore from working out, and just wants to sleep. Well 'EFF' that man! If you can't do the job, I've got a couple of replacements for you. Sometimes I'm evil (like Sportsmama) and start "buzzing" when he's right next to me. Seriously dude, it's part of being married....get ON it already. And other times if I'm feeling really, really evil I'll "buzz" in his presence as he's about to leave for work...too sad.

Please read all of the comments because I'm sure you'll get some great tips on what kind of toys to buy as well as HOW you can use them to their full potential. I just got a tip on one that has a suction cup! Can you imagine? I can't wait to make an investment for that one!


YZB said...

You should check out the show "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson" It's this little old grandma lady who answers sex questions and gives toy reviews.

Her toy reviews are awesome. Just imagine your Grandma saying "Oh looky here, this one has nubbies on it, that would be great fun for your clitoris"

The Sports Mama said...

I've actually watched that show with Coach! :) Its a little weird watching grandma give the reviews... but *shrug* ... they're usually right on target.

And really... its kind of like the theory that cardboard boxes make the best toys for kids.... my favorite "accessories" have always come more from things around the house....

We've got this awesome heated massage arm thing, that has eight different attachment heads. That? Is my new boyfriend.

And I'm actually kind of scared to admit to some of the things I've used in lieu of actually buying a specific toys! Not that you don't already think I'm somewhat depraved, but still. :)

fattygetsfit said...

i was planning on selling passion parties products BUT i have zero time

i used to want to be sue johansen in college

Sexy Hippy (why not?!) said...

Never to have been one to enjoy penentrating toys, I have value- & quality-tested almost every non-penetrating vibrator on the market since I first discovered (and stole) my grandma's "neck massager" at the ripe ol' age of 9 (before that, I just humped whatever I could - yes, I was the little girl your 1st grade class writhing on the corner of her desk chair and whose teacher and mother were constantly reminding her to "put her hands where they could be seen").

Therefore, I consider myself an expert in the area and I have 3 words to share: Hitachi. Magic. Wand.

2 speeds: "just right" and "yee-haw"

You can rub up against it. You can mount it. You can barely touch the sensitive parts with it and see stars.

It's got a looong cord so you don't have to buy batteries at Costco (used to have to do that with my old toys - Mr. Sexy Hippy always knew I had been up to something when the remote control wouldn't work because it was missing batteries).

It's only $42.99 at and comes with attachments for those penetration-whores!

Hitachi. Magic. Wand.
That's all this girl needs from the electronics department.

Learn it. Buy it. Love it.

the saint said...

Thanks for the tip (no pun intended here), Sexy Hippy. Being that you gifted me with my first ever vibrator, I'd say it's only fitting that you're the one to pass along the recommendation for my next purchase in that genre.

Thanks Samantha Jones. Does Sharper Image know about you? ;-)